Stay
by SilenceintheLibrary13
Summary: After Joe Harris kidnaps her, Maura resolves to protect Jane by keeping a terrible secret. But the burden is too much for her, and it comes out when she realizes the far-reaching implications the ordeal will have in both their lives. As they struggle to cope, their true feelings for each other come to the surface. Can they make something beautiful come out of a horrible situation?
1. Chapter 1

**AN-PLEASE READ! This story comes with a serious TRIGGER WARNING, and I'm not going to ruin the plot by spelling out all the potential triggers, so please proceed with caution if there are any subjects that are hard for you to read. It is your choice whether to read the story; I don't need to read anyone's angry reviews on why I shouldn't have written it just because they d** **idn't take the warning seriously. If you don't like stories where very bad things happen to main characters, don't read! If you do like stories with a dark plot so long as our ladies work towards happiness together and all ends well, then please do read! :)  
Secondly, this story fits in around canon events from seasons 6 and 7, but I changed the way some things happened. For instance, it takes a day longer to find Maura when she is kidnapped, so more happens during her kidnapping. Alice's motivations in stalking Jane are also different. Just letting you know these changes are intentional! :)**

 **That said, please enjoy!**

Chapter 1

"Did he hurt you?"

Maura didn't know how to answer, so she didn't. She just started to cry, which made Jane tear up as well. She was grateful when they put her into the ambulance and Jane said she would meet her at the hospital once she had wrapped up at the crime scene. She had most likely discharged her firearm. She said the man was dead; she didn't say she had killed him herself, but Maura knew she probably had. There was always a ton of paperwork to go through after that. That gave Maura some time to figure out what she was going to tell Jane, and what Jane already knew.

It meant Jane wouldn't be there while she was examined.

At the emergency room, all the poking and prodding seemed to take forever, and Maura wished Jane could be there to hold her hand. She knew it was better this way, though. She wasn't clear on who was behind her kidnapping or what it was they were after, but she did know every bit of torture she'd endured had been intended to hurt Jane. He'd taken her picture; he said he was going to make Jane watch her die. And she knew he was right. Seeing her suffer _would_ hurt Jane, and she didn't want Jane to be hurt. She wondered if he'd had time to send those last pictures. Probably not, she decided. If he had, Jane probably wouldn't have asked if he hurt her, which meant she still didn't know. Maybe there was a way for Maura to retain some level of control, to keep this from hurting Jane any more than necessary.

They said they wanted to keep her overnight for observation. She didn't like that, but she understood, and she allowed herself to be wheeled to a private room.

"Could I possibly take a shower?" she asked as the nurse helped her into her bed. She was already wearing a hospital gown, her clothes taken away to be processed.

"Yes, of course," said the nurse. "I can unhook your IV for a bit. Do you need any help in the bathroom?"

"No, I'll be all right."

Another nurse came into the room. "Dr. Isles? There's a Jane Rizzoli in the waiting room. She's been asking about you. Should we let her come up?"

"Yes, of course," said Maura. The shower would have to wait, because Jane would want to see her right away.

Jane came in with a bouquet of flowers. "Hey," she said, wrapping Maura in a hug. "How are you feeling?"

"Still a bit weird from the chloroform exposure, and I'm sore all over, but I'm going to be fine. No serious injuries." That wasn't a lie, was it? Physically, she was going to be just fine.

"Good. I was…I was really scared. I got that picture of you, and…"

Maura's heart sped up. "What picture?"

"The one of you in the chair, with your lip bleeding. I could see that he'd cut your hair off, but I didn't know what else he'd done, or what he was planning to do. I just, I knew you were still alive, at least when the picture was taken."

So she hadn't gotten the other pictures. Good. "I don't even know what he was planning. I'm just…glad to be out of there. I just want to go home."

"I know, sweetie." Jane rubbed her back. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

Maura shook her head. "I'm going to take a shower right now and wash off the grime from that old hospital. Then I suppose I should try to eat something."

"Have you even had anything to eat the past two days?"

Maura shook her head. "He didn't give me any food or water. He wasn't…planning on keeping me alive long, I suppose."

Jane cringed, squeezing Maura's hand. "Go take your shower then, and we'll have dinner together. You can't keep going without food or water."

The hot water felt good on Maura's sore muscles, though there were places where she was so badly bruised that even the gently falling water felt painful. She watched the dirt and grime go down the drain, along with blood. How much was hers, and how much his? She would never know, but it bothered her to see their blood mixed together like that, indistinguishable. She didn't want any part of herself intertwined with any part of him.

She washed her hair, what was left of it, and soaped up her body, scrubbing harshly to get rid of any dirt and germs left from that awful place. Nothing she did seemed to make her _feel_ any cleaner, however. _It's psychological_ , she told herself. _I'm getting clean_. But she couldn't quite convince herself, so she scrubbed harder, trying to exfoliate her skin. As she scrubbed, images flashed through her mind of her time in the abandoned hospital, of the things he did to her. She became nauseated, then lightheaded. Suddenly, the room spun, and her feet lost traction.

"Maura?" Jane burst into the bathroom and, seeing Maura on the floor, was at her side immediately. "Maura, what happened? Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Maura looked around in shock. She didn't remember falling. "I think I just lost my balance."

Jane turned off the water. "Well, you've been in here long enough. You have to be clean by now. Come on, let's get you dried off and get you some food. Your blood sugar's probably low." She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Maura, patting her dry. "Damn," she said quietly. "You've got some nasty bruises."

Maura nodded, looking down. Her wrists were bruised from the handcuffs, and there were bruises all up and down her arms in the shape of fingerprints. They were on her ribs and legs as well. She looked away.

Jane handed her a clean gown and helped her back to the bed, pushing the call button as soon as they got there.

"What are you doing?" Maura asked.

"Calling a nurse. You fell."

"I'm not hurt."

"Well, I'll let her be the judge of that."

Maura sighed and tolerated further prodding from the nurse, then got hooked back up to her IV and ordered dinner. She felt too nervous to eat much, but she could tell Jane felt the same way, so she pushed herself to eat as much as she could stand, knowing Jane would only do it if she did.

"You must be exhausted," Jane said when their food things had been taken away.

Maura nodded. "I haven't slept much. And when I did, it was while chained to a pipe."

"Not in the bed?"

"The bed?"

"Yeah, there was an old hospital bed in the room. We could see tracks in the dust where he dragged you from the pipe to the chair and back again, and also from the pipe to the bed."

"Oh, he would move me for pictures, but the rest of the time he left me chained on the pipe."

Jane touched her hair, looking pained. "I'm so sorry, Maura."

"It's not your fault."

Jane heaved a sigh. "I know, but whoever's behind it is after _me_."

Maura caught Jane's hand and squeezed. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Yeah, of course! I'd probably sleep better here anyway."

Maura nodded and scooted over, making a space for Jane. She looked up at her hopefully.

"Yeah, okay," said Jane. "We could use some togetherness after the experience we just had." She took off her shoes and got into bed beside Maura. Maura gratefully curled up against her, and, to her relief, Jane put her arms around her. "You're shaking," she said.

"I'm scared," Maura admitted.

"Well, you're safe now. No one can hurt you here."

"I know." She tried to fight it, but the tears came anyway. Jane kissed her head and rubbed her back, murmuring soothingly that everything was going to be okay. She wanted so much to tell Jane everything so Jane could comfort her, really comfort her, but she was afraid it would be too much for Jane right now. She was under so much stress, and they still didn't know who was behind all this. All they knew was that someone was willing to go to any lengths to hurt Jane.

But if Jane didn't know the worst part, then at least that couldn't hurt her, could it?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Something was wrong.

Well, obviously a lot was wrong. Jane couldn't remember a time when there had been _more_ wrong. Even when Hoyt was out of prison and stalking her, things hadn't been worse than this. At least Hoyt just wanted _her_. This new fucker apparently wanted Jane worse than dead; they wanted her to have no reason to live anymore. And somehow, he'd figured out that torturing and killing Maura would be just the thing to utterly destroy her. Fortunately, she'd been able to get Maura back safe and sound, and Joe Harris was dead. But they still didn't know who was behind this, or why. So, yes, plenty was wrong.

But something was also wrong with Maura, beyond the obvious that she'd just been kidnapped and chained to a pipe for two days. The thing was that she wasn't talking about her experience. She had carefully repeated every word Joe Harris has said to her and in front of her; in fact, she was desperate for Jane to know that he wasn't working alone. It had been the first thing she'd said when Jane finally found her, and she'd reiterated it later. But other than that, she'd said very little. Jane had expected her to unload the whole story in the hospital that night, as they both always did after something bad happened, but she volunteered absolutely nothing. She would answer direct questions as efficiently as possible, but she didn't elaborate, and Jane didn't want to push her.

Neither of them slept much that night in the hospital. Maura was tossing and turning, still feeling weird in the head from being drugged, and of course having trouble feeling safe. Jane knew the feeling. After an experience like that, it was hard to let your guard down. Every time you started to drift off, you felt overcome by a sense of danger and were suddenly wide awake. And neither of them had ever been in immediate danger for more than a few hours before. Maura had spent two days on her guard, terrified. Jane didn't even know what that was like. She supposed she might not want to talk about it either, if she were held captive that long. Maura would talk when she was ready, she told herself. If something major had happened, she would already have said something, wouldn't she?

Jane kept thinking about the email she'd gotten the day they found Maura, the one with Maura's picture in it. It had been a relief, in some ways; Maura was alive, conscious, sitting up. Jane had been so afraid she would already be dead. But she had looked so frightened, so haggard. Her hair had been cut, her lip was bleeding, her face dirty. She was flinching, looking at the photographer with fear and dread, as if she knew worse was coming. The caption had simply read: _It's so sweet. She really believes you're going to save her_. Jane was determined to do exactly that, but had felt a fear deep inside like nothing she'd ever known. What if he was right? What if she couldn't save Maura, and her best friend, the person she loved most in the world, had to die there with that monster, her last thought being that Jane hadn't come through for her this time.

Jane had come through, for now, but she knew it wasn't over yet. That picture seemed to haunt her, reminding her that Maura was counting on her. If she failed to catch whoever was behind this, Maura was going to suffer more. That much she knew.

Korsak and Frankie arrived while they were waiting for the doctor to come and formally discharge Maura from the hospital. Nina was with them too, carrying flowers.

"We brought your cell phone back, and your purse," Frankie told Maura, handing them to her. "How are you feeling?"

"A bit sore, but I'm glad to be going home soon," said Maura.

"Would you be up to walking us through everything that happened?" Korsak asked her.

"Yes, of course," said Maura.

Jane squeezed her hand. Of course, Maura knew she would have to make a statement. Maybe she didn't talk about it last night because she didn't want to go through the whole thing twice.

"Jane," Maura said suddenly, her eyes urgent. "They'll be releasing me right after this, and I haven't got anything to wear. Could you go home and find some clothes for me? And bring my hairbrush?"

"Right now?" asked Jane, dumbfounded. She wanted to be here for this.

"Yes, there won't be enough time later. Just find something comfortable for me to wear. I don't want to go home in a hospital gown."

"Okay," said Jane, a little confused and hurt, although she wasn't sure if she _should_ feel hurt. She just really would have thought Maura would want her here for this. But, she was sure she was in a hurry to get home, and of course she wanted real clothes to wear. Jane reluctantly left her side and drove to Beacon Hill.

When she got back, the others were still there, but they seemed to have moved on to lighter topics. The doctor had already been in, and now a nurse was there with discharge papers.

"Maura says you're the one taking her home," the nurse told Jane cheerfully. Cathy, it said on her nametag.

"Oh, yeah, of course," agreed Jane, looking at Maura. The blonde smiled at her, but there was something in her eyes that gave Jane pause.

Cathy handed Maura some papers. "You should just rest today while the chloroform finishes getting out of your system, and you shouldn't drive or drink any alcoholic beverages. You can eat whatever you want, and you should drink lots of fluids. Your prescriptions have been sent to the pharmacy downstairs, so you can pick those up on the way out."

Jane felt like she had missed something. Korsak, Frankie, and Nina all left, giving both Jane and Maura sympathetic smiles and telling them to take care of each other. Maura got dressed and brushed her hair, moving gingerly, her horrible bruises back on display for a moment. Jane started to read over the discharge instructions, but then Cathy came back and Maura grabbed the papers, tucking them into her purse before allowing herself to be wheeled downstairs. Jane went into the pharmacy on the first floor to get Maura's prescriptions, and these too quickly disappeared into her purse.

 _She would tell me. She would tell me if anything really awful had happened. She knows she can tell me anything_ , Jane reasoned. _You're just being paranoid. She's all right. She's just bruised up and scared. She'll be okay. You just need to keep them from getting to her again._

"When we get home, I'll make you some tea," Jane promised as she was driving. "And cookies. We'll find something good on TV and we'll just curl up on the couch with our tea and cookies and just forget about our problems for a while."

Maura smiled. "That sounds nice. But the first thing I'm going to do is take a shower."

"You just took one last night."

"I know, but…I smell like a hospital now."

"But what if you fall again? At least before you were already in the hospital, so you had plenty of help if you did get hurt."

"Last night I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and hadn't eaten in two days."

"And today, the only thing that's changed is that you've eaten. You didn't sleep much last night. You could fall again."

"Well, if I do, you'll be there to help me."

"Fine. But I'm going to lurk outside the door like a creep."

While Maura was showering, Jane sat in the bedroom with her phone, texting people to let them know Maura was home and was okay. She tried to get Korsak to tell her about the search they'd done of Joe Harris's things, but he reminded her she wasn't supposed to be on the case, that Maura had been found and all he could tell her now was urgent information pertaining to herself. Frustrated, Jane started flipping through channels on the TV. Maura had been in there for a long time, but that was Maura for you. She'd never quite mastered the art of the quick shower.

She began to get worried, though, when it had been more than half an hour. At the hospital there had been a loud bang when Maura fell, and she hadn't heard anything, but still…it had been too long. She knocked on the door and, not getting an answer, she went in.

"Maura, are you okay?" she yelled, trying to be heard over the sound of the water. There was no response, but through the steamed-up shower door, she could see the blur that was Maura, and she wasn't upright. "Maura!" she shouted, running over to open the door.

Maura was sitting on the floor of the shower, arms wrapped around her knees, sobbing. She seemed to be struggling for air, her body shaking violently. Jane quickly shut off the water and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around the blonde.

"Hey sweetie, it's okay, you're safe," she murmured. "You're all right. Did you fall again?"

Maura shook her head. "I just…I felt like…I feel like I'm never going to be clean again."

Jane pulled Maura into her arms and held her close. "I know the feeling. I felt that way every time Hoyt touched me. I think I used a whole bottle of shampoo on my hair after that thing with Dominick. It grossed me out so much that he touched my hair."

"How long did it take for you to feel better?"

"I don't really remember. It just fades, over time." She moved a strand of wet hair out of Maura's face. "Being around you always helped."

Maura leaned her head against Jane's chest. "Will you stay with me again tonight?"

"Yeah, of course." She kissed the top of Maura's head, relieved that Maura wasn't pushing her away as she had feared she was doing at the hospital. "I'll stay with you as long as you want."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Maura tried hard to feel normal again.

The first thing she did was make an appointment with her hairdresser, to get her ends evened out so it at least looked like she'd gotten this haircut on purpose. Crystal was horrified that someone had cut Maura's hair with a knife, but she promised it would grow back in no time.

Maura also started seeing a therapist, Melanie, who had a lot of experience with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Maura knew she was at extremely high risk of developing PTSD after her experience. She was already having some symptoms – nightmares, mood swings, fatigue, loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating – but Melanie said that was perfectly normal after a trauma like hers, that it would only be considered PTSD if the symptoms persisted for longer than a month and were severe enough to interfere with her daily life. The purpose of the therapy was to help Maura develop coping strategies that would keep her from developing full-blown PTSD. She hoped it would work.

"So you've gone back to work?" Melanie asked her during one of their sessions.

"Yes, I think two weeks was long enough to recover."

Melanie raised her eyebrows. "It takes a lot longer than that to recover from trauma."

"I know, but…perhaps 'recover' wasn't the right word. My point is, if I'd spent another day just sitting at home, I think I would have gone crazy. I need something to focus my mind on."

"So how is work going?"

"It's going well, so far. It's been a little different. I'm having difficulty focusing, but I think that will get better with time. I had an intern who was supposed to be moving on, but I've offered him full-time employment to help lighten my load, so I have someone else there in case I…in case I blank out."

"Blank out?"

Maura fidgeted with the ring she was wearing on her middle finger. "Yes. Sometimes my mind seems to just…go somewhere, and when it comes back, I'm not even sure how much time has passed."

"But you and your intern are managing okay?"

"Oh yes, we're doing fine." Maura looked down at her ring. "I'm worried about Jane though."

"Why is that?"

"She's still under so much stress. Someone's been stalking her for months, someone who is willing to kill people, and she still doesn't know who it is. It's just wearing her down."

"Have you told her everything about your ordeal yet?"

Maura shook her head. "I think it would destroy her, right now. Maybe after she finds out who it is and gets the person behind bars, when the stress has lifted, maybe then I can tell her. I just think it would be too much for her right now."

"You told me that you normally tell Jane everything. It must be hard on you not to tell her this."

Maura nodded. "It's really hard, but I think it's for the best. I've been trying not to overwhelm her. The first few nights after it happened, I asked her to stay with me because I was afraid of being alone, and she made me feel better. But I kept having nightmares and waking us both up, so I told her I thought I could manage on my own, that she could go back to her brother's. So she did, and I thought things were more normal, but then one night I found her sleeping on my couch! It turns out she's been sneaking in to make sure I'm okay, possibly ever since I told her she didn't have to stay anymore!"

"It sounds like it might benefit you both to have her stay with you again."

"Yes, clearly she's not sleeping well either way."

"I'm sure she's very worried about you."

"Oh, she worries so much. That's why…if she knew all the details, I'm just afraid it would put her over the edge right now. I can tell she's barely holding it together. She's lost so much as it is, and she's very protective over me. I just can't do this to her right now."

"I can tell that you care about her very much."

Maura nodded. "I love her," she said quietly. It felt weird to say it out loud. She'd never told anyone before, at least not _how_ she loved her.

"You mean as more than a friend?"

"Yes. I love her so much it hurts."

"Does she know?"

Maura shook her head. "I've always been afraid to tell her. I don't know what she'd say."

Melanie smiled sympathetically. "It is frightening, but it's possible she feels the same way and, like you, is afraid to say anything."

"I've wondered before. I've hinted at it, to let her know it's okay, but she never takes the bait, so to speak. I think that if she does feel that way, she's not ready to accept it yet for whatever reason, and she's the sort of person who has to figure important things out on her own."

"Do you know if she's attracted to women?"

"She's never said so, even though I've tried to get her to talk about it. She only talks about being attracted to men, but I've always thought she was a bit contradictory there. She rejects almost every man at first, and the only time I've ever seen her happy in a relationship was when her boyfriend was overseas. Every time he came to visit, she would make excuses to avoid spending time with him. It was like the reality disappointed her, but when he was far away…"

"Then she could construct a fantasy around their relationship."

"Exactly. I mentioned it to her once, but she didn't want to talk about it. Just like she didn't want to talk about it when I pointed out that dating women was an option. I remember asking her what kind of women she thought she and I would date if we were going to date women. I was trying to see if she would say that she would date me, and she seemed to just assume that was what I was implying, that we'd date each other! But she said she would be the man and then we got into an argument over that. I told her that was a stereotype, because it is! People assume that all relationships have to imitate heterosexual ones, so that when two women date, one of them has to be a 'man.' That's not how I envisioned our relationship at all! I just want us to be two women, in love."

"How long ago was this?"

"About five years ago."

"So you've been thinking about this for some time."

Maura nodded. "Almost two years ago, she found out she was pregnant, just as she was ending a relationship. She ended up having a miscarriage, which was heartbreaking, but until then we were planning to take care of the baby together." Maura grimaced at the sad memory. "One day we were eating lunch at our favorite bar and grill, and the man at the next table ordered a glass of wine and sent it to Jane. I sent it back, and she thought I was being rude, so I thought I'd let him down easy by pretending Jane and I were in a relationship. We've done that before to get men to leave us alone. So I told him she was a lesbian, and the word just popped out before I could think much about it. Normally I break out into hives if I lie, but I didn't that time, so I realized there must be a part of me that really believes Jane is a lesbian." She smiled sadly. "But maybe it's just because I _want_ her to be."

"What about you? Does she know your sexual orientation?"

"I suppose not. I'm attracted to both men and women, but I've never dated a woman. I've flirted with plenty of women, but I've never had to courage to really pursue one, and they always seem to assume I'm straight."

"Perhaps you could try mentioning your orientation to her sometime, in an offhand way, to see how she responds."

Maura nodded. "Not right now, though. There's too much going on."

"I understand, but it's something to think about in the future."

"Yes, maybe."

"But, Maura?"

"Yes?"

"It concerns me that you aren't talking to Jane about what you're going through now. It's a horrible burden for you to carry alone. I understand your reasoning, but I'm afraid you could become too overwhelmed."

"I know," said Maura quietly. "But she already is."

~R&I~

The next day, Maura did something she'd never done before.

She threw up during an autopsy.

She'd had another sleepless night, and she felt like the ground was no longer solid beneath her feet. She felt like she was falling, always falling, and needed something to hang onto. When the body came in and Maura saw bruises around her wrists, like the ones she'd had from the handcuffs Joe Harris put on her, she felt a wave of nausea, felt herself become unmoored. She proceeded anyway, but as she began to make the Y-incision, something she'd done hundreds of times before, the smell of decay hit her hard and suddenly her breakfast came up, all over her scrubs.

"Dr. Isles, are you all right? Are you ill?" she heard Kent say.

"I have a change of clothes in my office," she said, turning towards the door. She looked back at the body. _That could have been me_ , she thought. _It was almost me_.

"She hasn't said a word since it happened. I didn't know what to do."

Maura looked up when she heard Kent's voice several feet away. She was sitting at her desk, wearing clean clothes, but she didn't remember changing. She didn't even remember walking into the office.

"I'll take it from here," said Jane's voice, and then suddenly she was in the office, closing the door behind her.

"Jane," said Maura softly.

"Hey. Kent said you threw up during an autopsy."

Maura nodded. "I've never done that. Not even in med school."

Jane sat down in front of the desk and took Maura's hands. "Do you know what made you do it now?"

"She had bruises on her wrists, and I realized that if Joe Harris had killed me like he said he would, I would have been on that table. I would have been there with people cutting me open and examining my body. It was almost me."

Jane nodded. "But it wasn't you. You're still here."

"I don't know what my cause of death would have been. He said I was going to die, but he didn't say how. I don't know if he was going to starve me or stab me, cut my throat, shoot me, strangle me…"

"Maura, you've been sitting here thinking of all the different ways he could have killed you?"

Maura realized she was shaking, and she gripped Jane's hands tighter, trying to moor herself. "I've been thinking about it ever since he said I was going to die. I didn't know…I was going to try to get away, but I knew I might not succeed, and I didn't know what to prepare myself for."

"But he didn't kill you. _I_ killed _him_ , and he's never going to hurt you again."

Maura nodded. "I know. I know."

Jane stood up. "Grab your purse. I'll get your coat."

"Why?"

"I'm taking you home. You threw up. You're taking the afternoon off."

Maura shook her head. "I'm not sick."

"Yeah, but you could use some rest. Come on. I'll stay with you. We'll rest today, and tomorrow we'll be back in full force."

"I can do this," Maura insisted, tears prickling her eyes.

Jane turned from the coat rack. "I know you can. But you're not Superwoman. Everyone needs an afternoon off sometimes."

She was right. Maura picked up her purse.

~R&I~

They spent the afternoon huddled together on the couch watching a _Star Wars_ marathon on TV, but Maura didn't ask Jane to spend the night, and so she found herself tossing and turning, drifting in and out of sleep. Her muscles were tense, which not only made her sore all over, but gave her the frequent need to urinate. So she was up and down, but even when she was down, she couldn't relax. By two a.m. she was filled with a sort of restless despair. Her brain felt scrambled. Her thinking was completely disorganized, and she was having thoughts she'd never had before. She had the strange urge to hurt herself, which she wouldn't do, but the urge was there nonetheless. It was so foreign and strange, and it seemed to be replacing her previous need to bathe frequently. She supposed it was for the same reason. Before she'd wanted to wash away the experience, to get the feeling of his touch off of her, but it hadn't worked. No amount of bathing made her feel any differently. So now she wanted to do something more extreme, to just take a knife and shred her skin everywhere that felt unclean, to destroy the scene of the crime and start over again, growing new skin that had never been touched by Joe Harris.

But she would never. She would never hurt herself. She knew it would open her up to infection, that there would be scarring, that it wouldn't work anyway. She would feel the same way about her new skin, and then she would want to cut that open too. She wasn't going to start an unhealthy cycle like that. She already knew the real problem was in her mind, her scrambled-up mind that couldn't think straight anymore.

What she needed to do was write these thoughts down in her journal and discuss them with Melanie during their next session, but she wasn't sure she had that kind of focus right now. She just needed something to hang onto. She sat up in bed and hugged her knees, looking down at herself in the dark. This was her body, hers, nobody else's, she told herself. But if that was true, why wasn't she allowed to have full control over it? Why was it that other people could just grab her and take her to places where she didn't want to be, chain her up, do things to her that she didn't like? Why were other people deciding whether she lived or died? She remembered hearing Joe Harris talking on the phone to whomever he was working for, apparently learning that Jane was on his trail, and saying, "I'll destroy it immediately, I promise." She had been so relieved when he hung up and smashed the phone, even though his violence towards the inanimate object scared her. For just a second, she'd thought that "it" meant _her_.

A small cry escaped, and it sounded so animal, so foreign, that she hardly believed it came from her. She let another one out, this time louder. Maybe that was what she needed: to scream her frustration into the void. She had never felt so alone, so frightened. She cried out again, even louder, and again, and then the cries began to form a name. _Jane_. She wanted Jane.

Suddenly she heard footsteps on the stairs, running, and she fell silent. The footsteps pounded across the hallway, into the bedroom, and there she was.

"Maura?" Jane said breathlessly. "What's wrong?"

"I…didn't know you were here."

"I was sleeping on your couch again," Jane admitted. She sat down on the side of the bed and rubbed Maura's back. "Did you have a bad dream? You sounded really upset."

"I'm just…having a hard time." She leaned against Jane, who wrapped her in a tight hug. This was better. Maura felt safe in Jane's arms. No one could hurt her here. She'd certainly never have silly thoughts about hurting herself, not with Jane here. It was hard to remember how she could ever have even thought something like that. She could feel her brain unscrambling a bit, the wrinkles in her thinking smoothing out. She was going to be okay. Maybe not for a while, but eventually she would be okay again, as long as no one else hurt her. As long as she could keep Jane nearby.

"I heard you call my name. Why did you call my name if you didn't know I was here?"

"I didn't mean to. I just…wanted you to be here."

"Well, guess it's a good thing I was then, huh?" Jane shifted her position so she could hold Maura closer. "Honey, I'm really worried about you."

"I know. I'm sorry." Maura began to cry.

"No, hey, what are you sorry for?"

"For making you worry when you already have so much to worry about."

"Maura, now you're being ridiculous. It's not _your_ fault I'm worried. I'm worried because I care about you, and some jackass put you through hell recently. You shouldn't apologize for that." She shifted again, trying to find the best position. "Look, I know there's a lot going on, but I'm still here for you. There's nothing you can do or say that I can't handle. Whatever's on your mind, just tell me."

Maura looked up at her, and she almost let the whole thing come tumbling out, but then she stopped herself. Not yet; she couldn't tell her yet. Jane was having such a hard time with the whole thing. She couldn't make it worse for her. "I was wrong," she said. "I still need you here. I don't want to be alone."

"Okay," said Jane. "I feel better when I can see you anyway." She moved to the other side of the bed, took off her gun belt, and put it on the nightstand. Then she lay down and reached for Maura, who gratefully slid into her arms. "I'll stay until this is all over, if you want me to," Jane promised.

Maura lay her head down on Jane's chest and listened to her heart beating, to breath going in and out of her lungs. Finally, she was able to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 _No, Jane. Come on. Stay._

Those had been Maura's last words to Jane before the kidnapping, and they had been knocking around in Jane's head ever since. If Joe Harris had killed Maura as planned, they would have been the last words she ever heard that sweet voice say. What if she had listened to Maura, stayed in her office? Could she have kept her from going out to that fake crime scene, or insisted on going with her? Maura might be her usual cheery self now, instead of being…changed, in some profound way. Jane wasn't sure what it all meant, but there was no question that she was not her usual self.

It had been a month since the kidnapping, and Maura still wasn't talking about it.

Jane knew she had given a formal statement, but she wasn't allowed to look at the file since she wasn't supposed to be working the case. No one would tell her anything. She could only _hope_ they were making progress in finding her stalker. It made her feel helpless, and seeing Maura struggle made her feel even worse. Jane didn't know what she'd done to piss the stalker off, but no doubt she'd done _something_. Maura hadn't done _anything_. She didn't deserve to be dragged into this, not at all.

Their friendship was in a very strange place. In some ways, Jane felt like there was a gulf between them, because Maura was clearly having a very difficult time with the kidnapping, but she still wouldn't talk openly about it. If Jane mentioned it, Maura would start going on about what she was doing to cope, what Melanie had said during their last session, how she was working on averting the symptoms of PTSD. Jane wasn't sure how well that was going, since Maura was still having a lot of nightmares, including some really bad ones where she woke up screaming and it took a few minutes to get her to understand where she was. She'd also had a few more instances where she threw up during autopsies, which was completely unlike her. She didn't have much appetite, period. Food just didn't seem to taste good to her anymore. Even Angela's lasagna seemed to turn her stomach, and she _loved_ Angela's cooking. Jane was really worried.

In other ways, though, they felt closer than ever. In fact, it almost felt like they were married, strangely enough. Jane was still sleeping in Maura's bed at night so she could calm her down when the nightmares struck. It made them both feel better. Jane had been unable to sleep at Frankie's ever since the kidnapping. All she could think about was Maura, how she was supposed to die in that abandoned asylum. Her stalker had to be pissed that the plan hadn't worked. Jane was afraid he would send someone else to finish the job, and once again, she wouldn't be there to protect Maura. She felt better having Maura at her side most of the time, where she knew she was safe. They'd get into bed at night and just read or talk for a while, and when Maura was ready to sleep, she would curl up against Jane, who would hold her close. It felt good, sleeping like that, but Jane tried not to enjoy it too much. She knew it couldn't last.

She was just wrapping up her work one day, planning to head downstairs and pick up Maura in a few minutes, when she got a text message from Kent: _I think you'd better come down here right away_. She grabbed her things and rushed to the elevator, mind racing. Had Maura thrown up again? Worse, had she gone catatonic again? She had done that a few times, just gone completely blank for a little bit, and it terrified Jane.

Kent met her at the elevators in the basement. "She went out the funeral directors' door and she's just standing there. Didn't answer when I called her name."

"What happened right before that?" Jane asked him, walking with him towards the door.

"I gave her Joe Harris's autopsy report. She had asked to see it when it was finished. One minute she was reading it in her office, and then she was walking out of the building, like she was in a hurry."

"Was there anything alarming in the report?"

"Not at all. Cause of death was a gunshot wound to the chest. The cut she gave him didn't contribute to that. He had no preexisting health conditions that I could find. His DNA wasn't in the system. Everything was as we expected."

"Just reading about Joe Harris was probably enough," Jane sighed. She pushed the door open.

Maura was standing behind the building, hugging herself, looking small and alone. She looked up when she saw Jane approaching.

"Jane," she said softly. "I'm not sure what happened. I…I don't remember how I got out here."

The words sent a chill down Jane's spine. "Kent says you walked out after reading Joe Harris's autopsy report."

Maura seemed to recoil at the name. "I…I think I remember him handing me the report."

"He said it was nothing unexpected." She slipped an arm around Maura. "You've had a long day. Why don't we get your things, pick up some dinner, and head home?"

Maura nodded. "That sounds good. I need…I need to get home."

"You need some rest," Jane agreed. She gave Maura a quick squeeze and guided her back into the building. She knew Maura had gone to see Melanie on her lunch break today, and she wondered if she'd been forced to relive some unpleasant details during the session. She just wished Maura would talk to _her_ more so she would know how to take better care of her.

They picked up some Chinese food on the way home. Maura was still very distracted; Jane had to ask her three times what she wanted. As soon as they got into the house, Maura said she had to use the bathroom and ran upstairs, still carrying her purse. Jane sure hoped she wasn't throwing up again.

She went to the kitchen and got dishes out, setting out their food on the counter. Then she waited. The house felt quiet, empty. Jane checked her phone for messages and glanced through Facebook, but two questions kept bugging her. First: why did Maura go upstairs to use the bathroom when there was one down here? Second: why did she take her purse upstairs with her?

And now there was a third question starting to scratch at her brain: what the hell was taking her so long?

She decided it was time to go investigate, make sure everything was okay. She went up the stairs slowly, not wanting to startle Maura, which was easy enough to do since the kidnapping. "Maura, are you okay up there?" she called as she walked up. "The food's going to get cold."

Not getting an answer, she stepped into the bedroom, where she heard a sound that made her blood run cold: sobbing. Not quiet, restrained sobbing, but loud, depths-of-despair sobs. Maura was crying like the world was ending, and Jane couldn't even see where she was.

"Maura?" she called again, panic creeping into her voice. She hadn't heard Maura cry like this since the time Constance was hit by a car and nearly killed. Walking around to the other side of the bed, and she finally saw her. She was sitting on the floor, arms around her knees, clutching a small, white object. She looked up at Jane helplessly, her beautiful hazel eyes filled with pain.

"Sweetie, what's going on?" Jane asked gently. She knelt in front of Maura, putting her hands on the blonde's knees.

"I can't…" Maura gulped. She held her hands out, presenting Jane with the thing she was holding, looking deeply ashamed.

Jane had seen one of these before, but it still took her a moment to realize what it was.

It was a pregnancy test. The little window was showing a plus sign.

Deep in her brain, she knew exactly what was going on, but it seemed to take time for this understanding to reach the forefront of her mind. The reality just seemed too unbearable to acknowledge.

"You're…you're pregnant?" she said slowly.

Maura nodded, tears streaming down her face.

"How…how? How can you be pregnant? You haven't…"

Maura shook her head frantically, and then the horrible truth finally arrived in the front of Jane's brain, where she could no longer ignore it.

"Joe Harris?" she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Maura flinched at the name, but she nodded.

"I…I asked you if he hurt you," Jane said, feeling almost betrayed.

"He did," Maura said tearfully. "He hurt me."

"Oh, Maura." Jane pulled the trembling woman into her arms and held her close, feeling like her heart had dropped down into her stomach. This was her worst fear, a fear she couldn't even bring herself to name before now. Her Maura, her sweet, precious Maura, who had never done anything wrong, had been hurt in the worst way possible and was now pregnant, faced with an impossible choice, all because someone hated Jane.

"Maura," Jane said, her voice breaking, "why didn't you tell me?"

Maura looked up at her, gasping for air. "He did it to hurt _you_ ," she choked out. "I didn't want you to be hurt. I thought…if I just didn't tell you…"

Jane closed her eyes. It was too much. Maura was too good for her, too good for anyone in this world, really, and yet she was the one being made to suffer. And even in the moment of her greatest suffering, her first thought had been for Jane's wellbeing instead of her own.

"I don't know what to do," Maura sobbed. "I don't know what to do."

Jane looked down at her. She had to weigh, what, 120 pounds, tops? Jane lifted more than that at the gym. Carefully, very carefully, she snaked one arm under Maura's knees, the other around her back, and then stood slowly, lifting her in her arms. She put the distraught woman into her bed and then lay down beside her, wrapping her arms around her.

"You don't have to have his baby," she said softly. "I can take you someplace, have it taken care of. No one even has to know. I'll look after you."

"But, what if this is my last chance, to have a baby?" Maura asked plaintively. "You lost yours. What if…what if there's never another one?"

"It is _your_ baby," Jane acknowledged. "If you want to have it, then do it. I'll take care of you, like you did for me. I'll help you with the baby. I think you'd be an amazing mother."

"But…what if the baby looks like _him_ , and it affects my ability to bond with it?"

Jane blew out her breath. "Well, then I don't know."

Maura's tears began anew. "I don't know what to do!"

"I know. I know, sweetie. You don't have to decide right now. Whatever you do, though, I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Jane," Maura breathed. "I…he said it was nothing personal. He said he was just following orders."

"When he…hurt you?"

She nodded. "He dragged me to that dirty old bed and chained me to the headboard. He said he was just going to get it over with. Then he took my pants off." Her face crumpled and a wail escaped. She pressed her face to Jane's chest. "I resisted, but he hit me a lot, and there was only so much I could do with my hands chained."

Jane pulled her closer and ran her fingers through her hair. "Hey, don't be silly. There wasn't much you could have done." Jane could see it in her mind: Maura, frightened, probably crying the way she was now, trying desperately to defend herself against that bastard while he beat her into submission. Maura should never have been subjected to that kind of violence, _never_. If Jane had known what he'd done to her when she found him…

"I tried to talk him out of it, but he said he had to!" Maura continued.

"He was a monster, okay?" Jane said fiercely. "You can't reason with a monster. I'm glad he's dead."

"Me too," Maura admitted. "I took emergency contraception when I was at the emergency room. I didn't think I would get pregnant."

For fuck's sake, was there no justice in this world? She did everything right, and it still ended up all wrong. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. You didn't deserve _any_ of this."

"It's okay. It's not your fault."

 _Yes it is_ , Jane wanted to say, but she knew she had to be very careful of her reaction. She was dealing with someone who would rather collapse under the weight of what had been done to her than burden her best friend with the mere knowledge of it.

"Maura," she said carefully, "I understand that you didn't want to hurt me, but it's better to tell me, okay? You shouldn't have to go through this alone. It would be too much for anyone. I can take it, okay? I want to be here for you."

Maura nodded. "I'm kind of glad I don't have to keep it a secret from you anymore. It was really hard, but I just…I wanted to protect you. It was the only way I could."

"But who was protecting you?" Jane asked softly, unable to hold her own tears back any longer.

Maura looked at her helplessly, unable to answer. "Please don't tell anyone else."

"Of course I won't. It's just between us right now."

"Thank you," Maura whispered.

Jane closed her eyes, her mind whirling. No _wonder_ Maura had been falling apart lately. She'd held this inside for a whole month; it must have been eating her up inside. Jane was afraid it would eat _her_ up now too. The thought of the woman she would do anything to protect being hurt like that was too much to bear, but she _had_ to bear it, because Maura needed her.

And then there was that tiny little baby forming inside of her. What did it mean, Jane thought, to make a baby who was part of Maura _and_ part of that monster?

She didn't know what to do, either.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Maura still wasn't sure what she was going to do, but in the meantime, she was going to do her best to take care of herself and the baby. She was taking prenatal vitamins, avoiding alcohol and caffeine, even reading about child care in bed at night (though she hid the books under her pillow, alongside her journal, when she got up in the morning. She loved Angela, but she couldn't trust her not to snoop). Jane had put the word out that Maura was taking anti-anxiety medication to help her cope with the effects of the kidnapping and that she couldn't have alcohol with it. This wasn't true, of course – Maura couldn't take anti-anxiety medication either, although sometimes she wished she could – but it kept people from asking why she wasn't drinking her usual wine at the Dirty Robber.

There were moments when Maura was certain she'd be keeping the baby. After all, she was already taking care of it. How could she just turn on it and end its little life before it had really begun? Of course she would have it. She would love it. It was _hers_.

But there were other moments when she recoiled at the very thought. Joe Harris was dead. He had died childless, leaving no legacy behind other than his cruelty. She'd have to be mad to bring his child into the world, to let a piece of him live on after what he had done. If he knew, he'd probably be quite pleased that she was stuck with his baby. She couldn't stand the idea. She felt horrified, really, that some of his DNA was still inside of her, growing. She should get rid of it right away. It was still early enough to obtain a medication abortion. She could just take a pill, go home, and wait for her body to rid itself of everything he'd left behind. She could rest in her own bed, and Jane would be there. If she waited until later, she'd have to go into the clinic for an invasive procedure, which she was afraid would feel too much like being raped again. She'd have to be sedated, and it wouldn't be easy to keep Angela and all the other nosy people in their lives from finding out what had gone on. It would be so much better to get it done sooner.

And yet, she couldn't quite bring herself to do it. Every time she thought about it, she found her mind drifting back to the alternative: having the baby. She'd wanted a baby for years, but it never seemed like the right time to have one, and she'd started to resign herself to never doing it. And now here she was, finally pregnant and tied up in knots over it. Would it be so bad to just have the baby? Perhaps it would be possible for something good to come out of the horrible thing that had happened. A few times, she allowed herself to look at baby things online and to imagine what she might buy for the baby if she had it. One day Jane caught her looking at a gorgeous blue Gucci baby dress.

"That's cute," Jane said encouragingly.

"Yes, it is," Maura agreed, scrolling back up.

"Shit, I didn't see the price tag," said Jane. "It's nearly a thousand dollars! Nothing's _that_ cute."

"It's silk and tulle," said Maura. "And look at the detail!"

"Yeah, but she'd just puke on it," reasoned Jane. "You could maybe wait until she's old enough to not puke on herself before you go spending that kind of money on her clothes."

"If it is a _she_ ," said Maura quietly.

"I bet that's what you want," Jane said knowingly. "You want to parade her around in cute little dresses like that."

Maura looked down. "It's not that. Well…it's mostly not that."

Jane put a hand on her shoulder. "You're afraid a boy would remind you more of him."

Maura nodded. "Which isn't fair, because I could have a boy that's nothing like him, or a girl who does take after him."

"You could, but I understand where you're coming from." She sat down at the counter next to Maura. "I was kind of worried about having a son who was like Casey."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I figured I could handle a girl who took after him or a boy who took after me, but I didn't want to raise Casey Junior. I mean, I'd still have loved him, but it wouldn't seem fair. Casey was the one who broke a promise. I was the one who would have been raising the kid. Last thing I want is a kid who constantly reminds me of the fucker who let me down, you know?"

"That's something I'm struggling with," said Maura. "I don't want to think of the man who hurt me every time I look at my child, but what if I can't avoid it? Could I even be a good mother to that child?"

"Maura, I'm sure you'd be a great mother to any child you decided to have. The question is not whether you _can_ do this, but whether you _want_ to do this. You're the only one who can decide that."

"Would it be bad if I said I was more likely to keep a girl than a boy?"

Jane shook her head. "You're entitled to base your decision on whatever the hell you want. You were put in a really shitty position, Maura. Nothing about this is fair. You just need to do whatever you have to in order to take care of yourself."

Maura nodded gratefully. "Thank you for supporting me on this. I know you would never have considered termination in my situation."

"Well, I've never been in your exact situation, so we can't really say what I would do. But what's right for me and what's right for you are two different things. I just want you to be okay."

"I'm just glad you're here. I could never have gotten through this without you." It was true. Telling Jane everything had taken a huge load off her mind. She hadn't blanked out once since telling her, and she was sleeping a bit better at night, though she still had really intense flashbacks on a daily basis. She was very worried that she was developing full PTSD in spite of her best efforts.

"So, um…I've decided not to take that condo after all," Jane told her.

"But you were just about to close on it!"

"Yeah, and I pissed a lot of people off by backing out of the contract, but it's for the best. My stalker's still out there. What if they decide to burn my new place down? That's not fair to my neighbors in the building."

"So what will you do?"

"Stay here as long as you need me and then go back to Frankie's."

Maura bit her lip. "You could move in here. I would really enjoy having you as a roommate. I know your mom was bothering you before, but maybe we can talk to her…"

Jane shook her head. "It's not really that. It's just…what if they burn _this_ place down? I'd never forgive myself."

"Well first of all, it wouldn't be your fault. But secondly, I'm fully insured."

"You have a lot of stuff that isn't replaceable. All your art and everything."

"But if I keep the baby, it will be really nice to have you here to help."

Jane smiled tiredly. "I'll think about it, okay?"

Maura accepted that. It was the most she could ask for right now.

Over the next few days, there was a little progress in the case of Jane's stalker. Nina found the hacker who had shut down Jane's bank account and credit cards, but he was just a kid and seemed to know nothing about what was going on. He had absolutely no connection to Joe Harris. Still, he was a piece of the puzzle, so Maura hoped it meant they were closer to the end of this ordeal. She knew she would sleep a lot better at night if she could stop worrying that someone else would kidnap her and finish the job Joe Harris had begun.

Jane went with Maura to her first OBGYN appointment. Once she'd urinated in a cup and given a blood sample, she waited with Jane in the examining room, feeling nervous in her gown with a towel wrapped around her waist. Jane examined the credentials on the wall as she waited.

"I've been seeing Dr. Warren as my gynecologist for several years," Maura told her. "She's very qualified. Just recently she published an article about preventing preeclampsia in the _New England Journal of Medicine_."

"Just checking," said Jane, moving to Maura's side upon hearing a knock at the door.

"Maura," said Dr. Warren as she came in. "How are you today?"

"I'm…I'm okay," said Maura.

"I read that you had come here to confirm a pregnancy. Is this the other parent?" She looked to Jane.

Jane's eyes widened. "Oh, no, we're not…"

"She's my best friend," said Maura quickly. "Actually, this wasn't a planned pregnancy." She twisted her towel. "I'm not even sure if I'll keep it."

"Oh. Well, whichever way you go, we can take care of you here."

"Thank you," said Maura. "It was…it was actually the result of a rape."

Dr. Warren looked surprised, almost devastatingly so. "I'm so sorry to hear that, Maura. I hope the perpetrator has been arrested?"

"He's dead," said Jane, putting her arm around Maura.

"Jane's a cop," said Maura with a small smile. "She took care of it."

"He wasn't very smart to mess with you then," said Dr. Warren, noting Jane's fierce expression.

"Nope," Jane agreed.

Dr. Warren looked at her laptop. "The urine test has confirmed that you are pregnant. I could do an ultrasound to determine how far along you are, but I'm guessing you know the date of conception?"

Maura nodded. "I'm eight weeks and four days along."

"In that case, all we have to do today is a pelvic exam. I could do an ultrasound as well if you wanted, but we could wait until you've decided whether to keep it."

"I'll do it today," said Maura decisively. "For now I want to do all the same tests I would do if I were keeping it. I know at my age, the pregnancy is higher risk for complications."

"In addition to that, I would recommend doing a cell-free DNA test, which we can do as early as two weeks from now. We just need to draw some blood, which will allow us to screen for a number of genetic disorders, and we can also determine the baby's sex with over ninety-nine percent accuracy. Of course, with the genetic disorders we can only tell you if there is an elevated risk. You'd need further testing down the line to confirm if there was a disorder."

"I understand," said Maura. "I'd like to get that done as soon as I reach ten weeks."

"Okay, we'll get it scheduled for you. Shall we start with the pelvic exam?"

It was the first time Maura had had a pelvic exam with Jane present, although the opposite had happened. During Jane's brief pregnancy, Maura had gone with her to OBGYN appointments. Jane had jokingly called her a perv once because she tried to watch the exam, though she really wasn't being a pervert. She just wanted to make sure everything was okay. Jane, of course, stood nearer to Maura's head so she couldn't see anything. After the exam, Dr. Warren brought in the ultrasound cart. Maura became apprehensive and reached for Jane's hand as the image of her uterus appeared on the screen. Jane quickly took Maura's hand and squeezed it, her own eyes glued to the screen.

"That's the baby?" Jane asked quietly, pointing.

"Yes, that's it," said Dr. Warren. "Here's the head…you can see the little heart beating here…and here are the arm and leg buds. It measures two centimeters from crown to rump. Would you like me to print a picture?"

"Yes, please," Maura said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"It looks like a little gummy bear," Jane remarked. Maura looked up at her face and saw her staring, enthralled, at the screen. _She loves the baby_ , Maura thought, and then she burst into tears.

Dr. Warren hastily wiped the gel off of Maura's abdomen. "I'll leave you two alone for a few minutes. You can go ahead and get dressed."

She left the room, and Jane pulled Maura into her arms. "Hey, it's okay, it's okay," she crooned.

"I wanted this to happen," Maura sobbed. "This is what I always wanted. But…not like this. Not like _this_."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"I feel like it's my fault she's pregnant, so I have to take responsibility," Jane said, rubbing the scar on the back of her right hand. "Not that I wouldn't help anyway. I would do all the things I'm doing now, no matter how she got pregnant. But…it feels even more important now, because I'm the reason this even happened to her."

Dr. Kaplan looked at her from behind his desk. She had finally started meeting him in his office, although she hadn't told anyone, even Maura, that she was coming.

"I know you're going to say it wasn't my fault," she said quickly.

"How do you know that?"

"You'll say it's Joe Harris's fault because he did this to her, and the fault of whoever told him to do it. I didn't hurt her. I did everything I could to save her. I get that, I do, but I just keep thinking that if she didn't have me, that if she wasn't so important to me, this wouldn't have happened to her. And I hate it. I hate that they've altered the course of her entire life just because they wanted to hurt me."

"I can see how you would feel responsible, even though you do seem to understand, logically, that it isn't your fault."

"I can't even tell her I feel that way, honestly. I'm scared to because that's why she didn't want to tell me." She swallowed a lump in her throat. "That's the part that kills me. I knew she cared about me, of course, but she held all this in and let it drive her half-crazy because she knew it was supposed to hurt me, and she didn't want it to. I feel like…she must love me more than I realized. I think that might be the most selfless thing anyone's ever done for me."

"Clearly, she cares about you as much as you care about her."

Jane smiled sadly. "She still hasn't decided what to do, but I think she's leaning towards keeping it. She's reading a lot of stuff about pregnancy and childbirth and how to take care of kids. She was telling me all the newest recommendations about breastfeeding and putting babies to sleep. Did you know you're not supposed to put a blanket on a baby when you put them to bed? Apparently they can suffocate if you do that. You have to put them in this special sack instead."

Dr. Kaplan smiled. "Yes, the latest recommendations state that you should put nothing in the crib with the baby."

"Sometimes she takes out the ultrasound picture and just looks at it for a while. I know she's kind of wanted a baby for a while. I think it'll be an amazing kid. I mean it's part of her, so why wouldn't it be? But I'd still understand if she couldn't go through with it. It would be a relief, in some ways. We could just go on with our lives and put this behind us. But…part of me is kind of falling in love with that baby already, especially after seeing it on the ultrasound screen. It was just…a surreal moment."

"Why is that?"

"It felt like…what I tell you is completely confidential, right?"

"Doctor-patient privilege. I promise, nothing you say leaves this office."

"Well, being in that doctor's office with Maura, holding her hand and looking at the baby…it felt almost like we were a family. I couldn't help thinking about what it would be like if we were, you know, together, and this was a baby we were having on purpose. We could be really happy and excited instead of feeling horrible all the time."

"Is that something you would want? To be with Maura, have a family with her?"

Jane nodded reluctantly. "She'd never want that with me, though."

"Have you asked her?"

"No, but she deserves better. She deserves better than me, but…she also deserves a lot better than what she's getting. Why should someone like her be alone? She's wanted a baby for years, but she's only having one now because someone _attacked_ her. She deserves to have someone who loves her and, and cherishes her. She deserves to be having a baby she's excited about, with someone who loves the baby and takes care of her."

"It sounds like you could give her that."

"I could, but…I don't think she wants it from me."

"You'll never really know unless you talk to her."

Jane shrugged. "I'm gonna do the best I can for now. She asked me to help her and I will. I'll take care of her as much as I can. And I'll do my best not to let anyone hurt her again." Her voice broke and she looked down again.

"Do you want to tell me how you hurt your hand?" Dr. Kaplan asked, motioning to the bandage covering most of her left hand.

Jane groaned. "I saw something that upset me."

"Care to elaborate?"

Jane sighed. It was embarrassing, really. She'd walked over to Korsak's desk to pick up a case file while he was out of the room and noticed a folder that was open on his computer. The folder contained several sub-folders, one of which was labelled "MIsles abduction." She'd clicked on it without thinking and found herself confronted with a number of pictures similar to the one Harris had emailed her. They all showed Maura sitting in a chair with her lip bleeding. In some she had her eyes closed and her face turned away, while in others she was looking straight at the camera. She looked frightened in all of them. Then there were a bunch of pictures like nothing Jane had seen yet.

"Jane, I—" Maura had come into the room and frozen at the sight of the pictures.

"I'm sorry, I just…I just saw this," Jane told her. "I won't look if you don't want me to."

"It's okay," said Maura softly. "You already know what happened."

That had been Jane's fear, in truth: that she still _didn't_ know everything that had happened, that she would discover still more horrors if she delved into this forbidden file. Maura's permission was enough to make her feel a bit better, but still she scrolled through several shots of Maura chained to the old, filthy hospital bed in the room she'd been held in. There was a blanket over her – the kind they put on prison beds – but she appeared to be wearing little underneath it. In every shot her head was down, face hidden. At the end of the line of pictures was a video.

"Do you know what's on the video?" she asked Maura.

Maura shook her head. "I didn't realize he took one."

"Is it okay if I watch it?"

" _You_ can. _I_ don't want to."

Maura turned her back, and Jane dug out a pair of earphones so she could listen. She hit play and saw Maura lying in the bed, curled tightly into a ball. She could hear a muffled squeaking sound in the background, and then she heard Harris begin to speak.

"Jane, your girlfriend and I just made love for the first time. It was beautiful," he said in a low, taunting voice. "Isn't that right, Dr. Isles?" He moved closer to the bed and the squeaking got louder. Jane realized the sound was Maura crying. "I guess we should be on a first name basis after that. I think you enjoyed it every bit as much as I did, didn't you, Maura?" He reached out to touch her hair and she let out a loud cry, shrinking away from him. He seemed to drop the camera in response; suddenly they were looking up at the ceiling, and then Harris's face came into view as he reached for the camera. "Oh, yeah, we're definitely gonna do that again," he murmured. Suddenly there was a crash and his face was gone.

"Jane!" Maura cried, turning back to her. At the same time, Korsak came back into the squad room.

"Rizzoli, what the hell did you do to my computer?" he shouted. That was when Jane realized the computer's LCD screen had been shattered.

"Jane, you're bleeding!" Maura had cried. Jane looked down at her left hand and realized she was right. That was when she put the pieces together: she had punched the screen, had smashed it with her bare hand.

"Maura made me come down to the morgue so she could stitch my hand up," Jane explained to Dr. Kaplan. "The scary part was that I didn't know I was doing it until after it was over. I didn't _mean_ to punch Korsak's monitor. I just saw the bastard's face, taunting me about what he'd just done to Maura and how he was going to do it again, while she cried in the background, and I just automatically punched him."

"How did Korsak react to you watching the video?"

"He told me I shouldn't have, but he was more pissed that I broke his monitor. I had to buy him a new one."

"Is your hand going to be okay?"

"Yeah, it's just a cut from the glass. Maura's treating it. Every night she makes me let her put antibacterial stuff on it and change the bandages. It'll be fine."

"Did it upset her at all that you saw the video?"

"No, I don't think so. Now that I know what happened, she seems relieved. She wants me to understand what she's going through. So I don't think that bothered her, but she was really worried about my hand."

"It's interesting that Harris referred to Maura as your girlfriend."

"I don't think he meant it romantically. I think he just meant my female friend. Either that or he was teasing me. I've been called a dyke more times than I can count in this line of work."

"Still no progress in figuring out who's behind all this?"

"Nope. And it sucks." She heaved a sigh. "I'm so scared I'll never catch the guy, but I _have_ to. I have to keep my family safe, and right now, that includes Maura's baby."

~R&I~

As soon as Maura hit the ten-week mark, she went back to her OBGYN to get her blood drawn for that DNA test. Her appetite was finally starting to come back a little, which was nice, and she had even signed up for a creative writing class, at the suggestion of her therapist, who thought she should find something to help her take her mind off the horrible situation she was in. One night, Jane discovered that Maura had written a poem about her for an assignment, and it was so mind-blowingly sweet, Jane almost started crying in front of her mother _and_ Kent. Deep inside, Jane knew she was the person Maura loved most in the world – though she assumed that was in a friend way – and she wasn't sure what she had done to deserve it. Maura had the purest heart of anyone she'd ever met.

One morning at work she got a text from Maura: _Could you please come down to my office when you get a chance?_

Jane got up and headed down immediately. She was afraid Maura was having a hard time or something, but when she got there she found Maura at her computer, looking a little flushed, but with – excitement? Did that make any sense?

"Hey, what's up?" Jane asked her.

"Could you close the door?" Maura said.

"Sure." Jane closed the door and turned back to Maura, who was standing now.

"The OBGYN office called," Maura said. "They got my test results."

"Okay, so what did they say?"

"There's nothing concerning at this time. I'll have more tests later, of course, that will be able to tell me more, but there was nothing indicating an elevated risk for any of the genetic diseases they tested for."

"That's good! Where they able to figure out the sex?"

Maura nodded. "It's a girl."

Jane immediately pictured a mini Maura, and her heart melted. "Well, that's what you wanted, isn't it?"

Maura nodded again, more vigorously. "I've always wanted a daughter."

"I know."

"Jane, I've made up my mind. I'm keeping it."

Jane tried and failed to fight back a grin. "I thought you would."

"I didn't want to have a baby like this, but sometimes life surprises us, and if I don't have this baby, who's to say I'll ever have another one? When is it going to be a better time? And she is _my_ child, regardless of how she was conceived. If I'd used a sperm donor I wouldn't know what kind of person he was, and I wouldn't even think much about it."

"I think we can make it work," Jane agreed. "We're gonna love this little gummy bear like crazy."

"I was a little afraid that I'd just be doing what he would want by having the baby, that he would be pleased if he knew I was having his baby, but I decided I can't worry about that. This is about what I want to do."

"You know, I'm not sure he _would_ be happy. His plan was to torture and kill you. If he could see you now – that you're not only alive, but bringing new life into the world – he'd probably be very disappointed. He just wanted to hurt you, but he ended up inadvertently giving you this amazing gift. To see you raising and loving this child, that would just piss him off."

"Well, however he would feel, it doesn't matter. I'm doing this because it's what _I_ want." She smiled at Jane, her eyes full of wonder. "Jane, I'm having a baby."

"Yes, you are!" Jane wrapped Maura into a tight hug, relief flooding through her. It felt so good to see Maura happy, and now she didn't have to feel bad about falling in love with the baby during the ultrasound. The baby was going to be born, and she would need lots of love.

"Don't tell anyone yet, okay?" Maura said, hugging Jane closely. "I still need to decide when and how to tell everyone."

"Don't worry, my lips are sealed." Jane finally pulled back, looking at Maura's beautiful face. Again she thought about what it would be like if they were really doing this together, on purpose, and she fought the urge to kiss her. "So, since you _are_ having a baby, I think I'm gonna take you up on your offer, to move into your house."

Maura lit up. "Oh, Jane, that would be wonderful!"

"Well, you're gonna need someone to run buy you ice cream when you start craving it in the middle of the night."

Maura giggled. "I would really appreciate your support during the pregnancy, and I know I'll need your help after the baby gets here. You have so much more experience with babies and children than I do!"

"You're gonna be an incredible mother, but I would love to help. I'm gonna love this baby like it's my own."

"Oh, Jane, I know you will." Maura grinned up at her. "This is happening! We're having a baby!"

 _We_. She said _we_. She pulled Maura close again and just held her, feeling her heart bursting with happiness and breaking at the same time. This felt so close to the life she wanted, the one she'd hardly dared to even dream about, but it wasn't there; so much was still wrong.

But this was the way things were, and she would take what she could get.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"I made some space for your clothes in my closet!" Maura tried to suppress the excitement in her voice as she followed Jane upstairs. Jane was carrying a box containing all of her things that had still been at Frankie's, which meant she was _officially_ moving in at Maura's.

"In _your_ closet? I thought you'd have me put my stuff in the guest room closet."

Maura frowned. That _did_ make a lot more sense for a roommate, didn't it? "Oh. Well, you can use that closet if you want. I just thought…since you've been sleeping in my room…"

Jane stopped in the hallway and turned around to face Maura. "I guess that's something we haven't talked about. Do you want me to keep sleeping in your room for now, or should I move up to the guest room?"

Maura bit her lip. "Well, I want you to be wherever you're most comfortable."

"Before this, I was sleeping in a tiny bed in my brother's storage closet. Anything in your house is insanely comfortable compared to that."

"Well, I do feel… _safer_ , when you're next to me. I sleep a lot better."

Jane nodded. "I sleep a little better too, knowing you're safe. If I go up to the third floor, I won't be able to hear what's going on downstairs, and I'll probably lie awake all night."

"Maybe you should stay in my room then, at least until this is over. I really don't want anything like what happened before to happen again."

"Well, nobody's going to touch you as long as I'm there to stop them." Jane decisively carried the box into Maura's bedroom. "So, how did you go about making room in your closet?"

"Oh, I just donated a bunch of things I hardly wear to charity."

Jane did a double take. "You got rid of a bunch of your clothes? On your own?"

"Well, yes. I wanted you to be comfortable. You _live_ here now, you're not just staying here, so I don't want you living out of bags or trying to cram your things in where they don't really fit. I want you to feel at home."

Jane smiled a little, her eyes tender. "Maura…how do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Keep thinking about other people when you're kind of going through hell."

"You're what keeps me going," Maura admitted. "Come on, I'll show you where to hang your things." She led Jane into her closet, and Jane followed, grabbing her bag of clothes.

"I left the hangers for you," Maura told her. "From the things I got rid of."

"Wow, I think you made more room than I need. I don't have that many clothes."

"Well, I was thinking maybe I could take you shopping soon, so you could build your wardrobe back up. I need to go shopping too, for maternity clothes. I'm nearing the end of my first trimester, so I may be needing them soon."

Jane gave her an unreadable look. "It's kind of crazy how much both of our lives have been changed by one sick bastard, isn't it?"

Maura nodded. "But life can only be lived forwards, so I'm trying to make the most I can out of the changes in my own life, and I'm trying to make it easier for you to do that as well."

"I'll be able to make the most of things when the sick bastard is put away, or better, dead. I'm not gonna be able to rest as long as whoever did this to you is still out there."

"I know you won't," said Maura softly.

~R&I~

It turned out to be a very long day.

They were called to investigate a man who'd been blown up in the woods, and they soon realized they were standing in a field of land mines. They had to hold very still while the bomb squad came out to clear the area. At first the danger didn't sink in with Maura and all she could think about was how badly she needed to pee. Later, when she found out Korsak had actually been standing on a bomb the whole time, it hit her how close she'd come to being killed, or receiving an injury that might have caused her to lose the baby. Worst of all, she could have lost Jane. But everyone made it out all right, and they threw themselves into solving the case as quickly as possible. In the middle of that, Nina found Rhonda Hearn, the cousin of the hacker who'd gotten into Jane's bank accounts. Rhonda had served time in Framingham prison, the same prison the arsonist had been in. The same prison where Joe Harris had worked. Maura was working in her lab while this was going on, but she found out later that Jane had lost her temper with Rhonda when she was unable to get information out of her.

They still had more to go on than they did before, however. Now they knew they were looking for someone connected to Framingham, someone who must have known the arsonist, the hacker's cousin, and Joe Harris. Jane insisted on staying late at the office to go through records of Framingham's inmates to try to find a connection, and Maura insisted on staying to help her, even though Jane wanted her to go home and rest.

Eventually, Maura began to find it difficult to keep her eyes open, though she was determined to keep going as long as Jane was there. She was not going home to an empty house or leaving Jane to take a cab home. After a while, though, Jane noticed her sleepiness and put an end to the whole thing.

"Hey, why don't you let me take you home so you can sleep?" she said.

"Are you coming too?"

"Yeah, of course. Maybe I can bring some of these files to look at while you sleep…"

"No. Leave them here. You need to sleep too. We can go through them more tomorrow, and Nina's looking at records too. We can wait one more day to find out who's doing this."

"Okay," Jane grumbled. "Let's go find you something better to eat. Half a cup of noodles isn't enough to feed two."

"I'm not sure it can even feed one," Maura agreed, gratefully getting up.

After they had eaten, they went straight to bed, but they still didn't sleep. Jane was wound tight as a drum from being so close to finding out who was after her, and Maura was now seeing Joe Harris's face in her mind after reading his name so many times. That was the goal, of course – she was looking for women who had seen Joe Harris while in prison – but it was still hard having to think about him so much. It was also nagging at her that they were forced to look at female suspects. Was it possible that a _woman_ had ordered her rape? How could a woman do that to another woman?

 _"I've never done this before," he had said. "I know this won't be pleasant for you, but it's not personal. It's what I was told to do."_

 _He reached for her belt, and Maura began to panic. She tried to turn her body away from him, but he was stronger than her, and she felt helpless with her hands chained to the headboard. He unfastened her belt and began to undo her pants._

 _"Please, you don't have to do this," she begged. "You don't have to be part of this."_

 _"But I'm already part of it. I promised I'd do this, and I'm a man of my word." She kicked ferociously and he smacked her hard, hitting her every time her foot made contact with him. "I can do this all day if that's what you want," he hissed, grabbing a handful of her hair and pulling until she cried out. "I'm trying not to hurt you any more than I have to, but I'm not going to let you hurt me."_

 _Her tears began to spill over and she heard that awful squeaking noise in her throat, the one she made sometimes when she cried._

 _"You sound very pitiful when you cry," he observed, pulling her pants down as she continued to struggle. "I'm sure that's worked in your favor in the past, but it's not going to work on me." He eased her shoes off so he could remove her pants completely, dropping them onto the floor. She was terrified that the little piece of metal she'd tucked into her pocket the previous day would fall out, leaving her again with no defense, not that she'd had a chance to use it yet anyway. But what would he do to her if he saw it?_

 _It seemed to stay in her pocket, though, and then he reached for her underwear._

 _"No, please! You don't have to really do it. We can just stage a picture, you can say you did it, I'll play along." Jane would panic, of course she would panic, if she thought Maura had been raped, but Maura could tell her it hadn't really happened when they were finally reunited._

 _"Don't worry, Dr. Isles, you'll be dead in a few days and none of this will matter, to you." He yanked her underwear off and got onto the bed, leaning over her. She pressed her legs tightly together, frantically trying to think of a way to stop him._

 _"Please, I told you I can get you money, I can get you anything. You can start over someplace new, you don't have to keep taking orders—"_

 _"I've already told you, I'd have your money if I wanted it. Now, I've never done this with an unwilling participant, so let's hope I can—" He forced her legs apart, looking down at her. "No, this won't be a problem." He undid his pants._

 _"No! Please, no! Don't do this,_ please _!"_

 _"Oh, honey, you really can't stop me," he said, and apparently she couldn't, because he did it. It seemed to take forever, and she cried loudly the whole time, but it had no effect on him. He looked her right in the eyes, so she covered her face. When he was done he insisted on taking her shirt off for the pictures, just to make her look more pitiful. He covered her with the blanket he'd brought, and she hid her face as he snapped picture after picture._

 _"Detective Rizzoli should have gotten the picture I took yesterday by now," he said conversationally. "I'm sure she'll love today's pictures even more."_

 _Maura was afraid to even think of Jane's reaction to these pictures. She became furious if someone so much as made a lewd comment towards Maura. She went out of her mind if anyone hurt her even a little bit. She might become unhinged if she saw the way Maura had been hurt now, especially knowing that it was being done just to taunt her. Maura wished there was a way to keep her from getting the pictures._

 _Afterwards, Harris helped her back into her clothes. Maura was shaking so hard that it was difficult to dress her, but he made sure she got everything back on, and, to her relief, that sharp little piece of metal never fell out of her pocket. Sooner or later, she would get the chance to use it, but it had to be at a time when she could run after attacking him, because there was no point so long as she was chained to something. She could get away from the pipe, but not quickly, and that little piece of metal wasn't going to do anything but stun him for a second._

 _"It couldn't have been all that bad," he told her when he realized she was still crying when he chained her to the pipe again. She didn't say anything back._

"Maura?"

Maura opened her eyes at the sound of Jane's voice and realized she was crying for real, not just in the memory. She turned towards Jane in the darkness and quickly felt herself enveloped in the safety of her arms.

"I was just remembering," she told her.

"Looking at all that stuff triggered you, didn't it?"

Maura nodded. "There were just a lot of mentions of Joe Harris. I knew there would be, so I should have been prepared, but—"

"Don't be silly. There's no way you can prepare for something like that. It just sucks, no matter what you do."

"It's just scary when someone has no regard for you as a human being. But I think the scariest thing about him was that he seemed to understand how it would make me feel, and he didn't care. He didn't care at all."

"The fucker deserved what he got. Actually, he deserved a lot worse. This should never have happened to you." Jane hugged her tighter.

"It should never happen to anyone. It's never fair."

"That's true, but you're _my_ someone. That makes it worse, to me at least."

Maura wiped her eyes. "You wanna know the weird thing?"

"What's that?"

"I just…all of a sudden I want s'mores. I've only eaten them once, when you made them for me a few years ago, but I just…suddenly I need them."

Jane pulled back a little. "Are you having a pregnancy craving?"

Maura frowned. "I guess I am. It's my first one."

"It's a milestone." Jane kissed her head. "Come on, I'll make you some."

"Do we have the ingredients?"

"Think so. I've been shopping."

Maura smiled. Having Jane live here meant she was going to have a lot of things in her kitchen she would never buy herself. Of course, even before Jane moved in, she'd snuck things like instant coffee into Maura's cabinets, and Maura had started keeping Jane's favorite beer in her fridge. She was happy to keep anything around that made Jane more comfortable, anything that made her want to stay longer. And now, here she was, officially living here. It made Maura happy, but she also felt a certain sadness. It was so close to what she really wanted, the closest she would probably ever get, and yet it wasn't quite there.

But she was more than happy to take Jane's hand and let the taller woman pull her out of bed and lead her downstairs. Once in the kitchen, Jane began pulling out everything they needed: graham crackers, chocolate, and big, fluffy marshmallows. The she turned on the stove, put some marshmallows at the end of a carving fork, and started toasting them.

"I think we did this over the fireplace before, but it's late, so the stove will have to do," Jane said. "You can go ahead and put your chocolate on your graham cracker."

"I had hoped when the cravings hit that it would be for something healthy," Maura sighed as she broke off a piece of chocolate and carefully set it in the middle of her graham cracker.

"Well, this baby wants junk food."

"It's not really the _baby_. She won't be able to taste it anyway."

"Maybe she wants her mommy to enjoy junk food every now and then."

Maura smiled a little. _Mommy_. That was what she was going to be.

The marshmallows caught fire and Jane quickly blew them out. "Give me your cracker," she said. Maura quickly held up her chocolate-laden graham cracker and Jane pulled a marshmallow off the fork and stuck it on top. "Now put the other cracker on, quick, and squish it so the chocolate melts."

Maura obeyed, watching as the heat from the marshmallow melted the chocolate. When everything was nice and gooey, she began to eat it, and Jane did the same with hers.

"Mmm. I hope this becomes your big pregnancy craving, because I wouldn't mind eating these more often," said Jane, talking with her mouth full.

"I hope I switch to craving something healthy, like prunes."

Jane nearly choked on her s'more. "Maura, _nobody_ craves prunes."

"Well, it's common for women to become constipated during pregnancy, so it would be a helpful craving."

"Ew. I know I said I'd help with the pregnancy, but I didn't mean bathroom stuff."

"You followed me into the bathroom when I was throwing up a lot."

"Yeah, well you needed somebody to hold your hair back. I don't think I can help you with constipation."

"You could help me by buying me prunes," Maura giggled.

"You're getting chocolate all over your face, do you realize that?" Jane reached out and wiped a trail of melted chocolate and marshmallow from Maura's chin with gentle fingers. A pleasant shiver went down Maura's spine at the touch, and she watched as Jane licked the goo from her fingers. Suddenly she wanted to kiss her, and she watched the brunette's face for some sign that a kiss would be welcome. "I'm gonna make another one. You want another one?" Jane said, turning back to the stove.

Maura's heart sank. She was so silly to think that Jane would ever want to kiss her. "Just one more," she said.

"Coming right up." Jane put two more marshmallows on the carving fork and turned the stove back on, holding the marshmallows close to the flame.

As she watched her, Maura put her hand on her abdomen, over the spot where the baby was. "I don't know how I'm going to explain to her, when she's older, how she got here. I don't know how it will affect her to know she was conceived in such a violent way."

Jane turned the stove off and put the s'mores together, passing one to Maura. "If it were me, I'd make up a story about an anonymous sperm donor. But I know you're not going to do that."

Maura shook her head. "I have to tell her the truth, when she's old enough."

"You just have to make it clear that you love her and you want her, regardless of how she came to be. Tell her she's the one good thing that came out of a horrible situation."

"But what will I say if she's too young to understand rape, but she goes to nursery school and sees other kids with daddies and she asks me where her daddy is?"

"You'll tell her she doesn't have one. Not everyone does. Tell her she has a mommy and a Jane, and that's enough."

Maura smiled slightly. "I hope I can do this. I would have used a sperm donor to have a child sooner if I'd thought I could handle it, but I never felt like I could do it on my own."

"You're not going to do it on your own. You have me."

"But what if you leave?"

"I'm not gonna leave, unless you kick me out. I said I'd help you raise the kid, and I will. I'm gonna love her the same as I would have loved mine if it had lived."

"But what if you meet someone?"

"Do I look like I'm trying to meet someone? The only someone I'm interested in meeting is the one in here." She touched Maura's abdomen, in the same spot where her hand had just been. It felt like warmth radiated outward from Jane's hand.

"I'll talk to my lawyer to make sure you get legal rights," Maura promised. "I want you to be able to make medical decisions for her if I'm not able to, or deal with her school, or whatever you need to do. I'll figure out legal guardianship options."

"I would consider that an honor." Jane pulled her into a hug. "I promise, I'm not going to let you have to do this on your own."

She kissed Maura on the head, which she'd been doing a lot lately. Maura turned her head hopefully, offering up her face in case there was anything else Jane wanted to kiss. Jane looked at her for a moment in puzzlement, and then she started talking about s'mores again and the moment was lost.

~R&I~

Jane caught the bomber the next day, proving once again that she was the greatest detective on the force. She was happy but exhausted and was willing to put off going through more prison records long enough to have dinner at the Dirty Robber. The dinner turned out to be eventful: Korsak and Kiki announced they were getting married as soon as possible, and Angela announced to was going to Paris for the weekend with her boyfriend Ron. While everyone was excited from those two announcements, Maura cleared her throat and said timidly, "I have an announcement as well."

Jane, knowing what she must be about to say, placed a reassuring hand on her thigh. Maura's heart sped up as she saw everyone was looking at her, but she knew she had to just say it.

"As all of you know, I was kidnapped by Joe Harris two and a half months ago," she said bravely. "And some of you know that he raped me."

Angela gasped in horror. "Oh, Maura."

Maura held up a hand. "My announcement is that is that I'm now twelve weeks pregnant. I've had bloodwork done, and as far as we can tell this early in the pregnancy, she appears healthy. She's a little girl, and she's due November 28. While I'm not happy about the circumstances, I've decided to keep her, and I'm looking forward to being a mother."

Everyone looked stunned, but then they began to mutter congratulations.

"Maura, I wish I'd known!" said Angela, pulling her into a hug. "I'm so sorry you're having a baby like this, and all on your own!"

"I'm not alone," Maura promised. "I have Jane. She's promised to help."

"Yeah, just think of it as another grandbaby," said Jane. "Your first granddaughter."

"I _was_ pretty upset when you lost that baby," Angela said to Jane. She looked at Maura. "Of course I would love to be a surrogate grandmother for your baby. And I would _love_ to throw your baby shower."

"That's still a long way off," said Maura, cringing inwardly as she thought about all the paper plates and disposable plastic things Angela used every time she threw a party. "But of course I'm grateful for any help I can get. I'm not sure I know what I'm doing."

"I'll babysit any time you need someone," Angela promised.

Maura was relieved. Angela was wonderful with babies, and it would mean a lot to have her assistance.

Just then, Jane got a phone call from Nina: she finally had a suspect, someone she believed could be Jane's stalker. Maura followed Jane as she rushed back to the office to see who it was.

Her name was Alice Sands. She had been in the police academy with Jane, but Jane hardly remembered her. No one knew why she would be after Jane, but she was the only inmate who had some connection to her and who also knew Rhonda Hearn and Joe Harris. Jane was suddenly full of fury, ready to storm to Framingham and confront the woman. Korsak immediately called the prison and was told they would have to wait until the next day, but Jane refused.

"Nina, could you take Maura home?" she asked. "I'm going out there to see this bitch. You need to get some rest," she told Maura. "I'll be home as soon as I've dealt with this."

"Be careful," Maura pleaded, but she willingly went with Nina.

"You missed my big announcement since you were here at the office," Maura said softly in the car. "I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant?"

"Yeah." Maura looked down. "From Joe Harris."

"Oh, Maura…"

"Please don't say you're sorry. I hate how it happened too, but I've wanted a baby for a long time, so I'm going to have her. And I'm going to love her as much as I would if she'd come to be some other way."

Nina smiled. "Then congratulations," she said. "I'm here if you need anything."

"Thanks. Jane is going to help me raise her. She's very good with kids."

"You're lucky to have Jane. She really loves you."

"Yes," agreed Maura, although she couldn't keep a note of sadness from her voice. "She's a great friend."

Nina pulled up in front of Maura's house. "I could be wrong, but…I think she does love you the way you want her to."

Maura looked up in surprise. "How do you…"

"Please, I heard the rumors before I'd even met both of you. There are some cops who say things, but Frankie always tells them they're wrong. He has no gaydar, though."

"Tell me about it. He didn't even realize Alexandra was gay."

"Alexandra from the firing range?"

"Yes! He had a crush on her once. He never realized she had a wife and kids!"

Nina laughed. "But seriously, Maura, if you two don't get together soon…"

"I just don't want to ruin what we already have."

"What you already have is practically a marriage, with a baby on the way."

"It does feel that way. With all these pregnancy hormones, I may lose all control and kiss her before long."

"Do it!"

Maura smiled. "Thank you for the ride."

She tried to rest, as Jane had instructed, but she found it hard to relax with Jane out at Framingham confronting the woman who had been trying to ruin her life. The woman they believed was responsible for Maura's pregnancy. She tried to read, but couldn't stay focused on the words. She tried watching TV, but nothing caught her interest. Finally, Jane came through the front door, looking defeated.

Maura jumped up. "Did you see her?"

Jane shook her head. "She was released three days ago. No one knows where she is."

Maura's heart sank. "But – that means—"

"It means she can come after us herself now."

Maura shuddered. "Do you really think she's the one behind all this?"

"She's the only person with the right connections. I just wish I knew what I'd done to piss her off. We hardly interacted, I mean she dropped out way before graduation. I don't think I've seen her since then."

"So she's the one who ordered Joe Harris to rape me."

Jane paused. "Yes, it looks like it."

Tears filled Maura's eyes. "How could a _woman_ do that?"

"I don't like to think about it either, but if a woman is fucked up enough, or evil enough…I mean, she wouldn't be the first." She looked at Maura. "Hey, there's nothing else we can do tonight. Why don't we get ready for bed?"

Maura nodded her agreement, but her stomach was clenching. She followed Jane upstairs, dogged by a deep sense of betrayal.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"We'll get through it."

That was what Jane kept promising Maura, but the nightmare just continued to spiral further out of control.

As they searched for Alice Sands, Maura did her best to carry on with her life. She had more energy as she entered her second trimester, so she was trying to get things done. She'd signed up for some special exercise classes for pregnant women and hired an interior decorator to help her plan the nursery. Jane helped her haul her yoga supplies up to the attic so she could get the painters in to redecorate the yoga room. They painted the walls a nice, light shade of green and stenciled flowers over each door. They even glued Swarovski crystals in the center of each flower to give the room some extra sparkle. Maura ordered the furniture, and then she took Jane shopping.

Of course, Jane wanted to be catching Alice Sands, not shopping at boutiques, but Maura wasn't having it. "We spend hours a day working on that case," she pointed out. "We can squeeze in a few hours to shop. Our brains need a break."

So Jane reluctantly went along, first to buy new clothes for herself (which she didn't really care about, but it made Maura happy, so she said yes to everything within reason), then to buy maternity clothes, then to baby boutiques to pick up a few newborn outfits. Jane had never been on such an emotional roller coaster in her life. Seeing Maura buy maternity and baby things was sweet, it was beautiful, but it was also heartbreaking. It shouldn't be happening like this. She should be having a planned baby, not one that was forced on her. She kept thinking darkly of the people who did this to her, one of whom was still at large, undoubtedly plotting more damage. Still, Jane had to admire the grace with which Maura was dealing with it. Jane had been less accepting when she had been faced with an unwanted pregnancy, and that had been her own fault. She should have been more diligent about using birth control with Casey. Maura had gotten into this situation through no fault of her own and still found a way to come to peace with it, to embrace motherhood.

"Oh, look at this darling little cashmere coat," Maura breathed, picking up a tiny white knitted coat while they browsed the baby section of her favorite upscale department store. "She'll need it, since she's due in November."

"Yeah, baby's first Burberry," Jane said distractedly.

Maura looked up at her. "You're not going to make fun of me for buying expensive things for the baby, are you?"

"Of course not! Well, maybe a little." Jane forced a smile. "Look, she's your kid. She deserves the best."

"Well, I wouldn't necessarily say one baby _deserves_ more than another."

"I would. As far as I'm concerned, this is the most important baby on the planet. She gets the best of everything. Her skin will never know a fabric coarser than the finest cashmere." She fingered the coat. "Besides, I know this is what's normal to you. And, hey, I wear the Burberry coat you bought me. It's a good coat."

"Well, the three of us will match," said Maura with a smile.

"We will. We'll be quite the trio. The best-dressed woman, the best-dressed baby, and me."

Maura giggled. "We should get a crib mattress while we're here. The furniture will be delivered at the end of the month."

When they left the store, they were toting a mattress, changing pad, crib sheets, sleeping bags, and an assortment of onesies, tiny sweaters, dresses, and coats.

"It seems kind of early for all of this," Jane pointed out. "You're not even showing much yet."

"Yes, but I won't have the energy during the third trimester, so it's better to do it now," Maura assured her.

Jane looked down at Maura's little bump as they got into the car. "When do we get to see her again?"

"I'll have another ultrasound at twenty weeks. She'll have developed a lot since the first one, so we'll get a pretty good look."

"Will she still look like a gummy bear?"

"Not anymore. She'll have clearly defined limbs."

"Well she'll always be a little gummy bear to me." Jane smiled and rested her hand briefly on the bump. "As much as I hate the circumstances, I'm glad I get to be a part of this."

"There's no one I'd rather do this with," said Maura softly.

Jane started the car and drove towards home, her thoughts turning back to Alice Sands.

"You're thinking about her again, aren't you?" asked Maura when Jane had been silent for several minutes.

"Well, yeah. She's going to be on my mind until I catch her. She's the reason we're shopping for all this stuff, and I know, I know we're excited about the baby and she's gonna be great, but it's still not fair that this was done to you against your will. We know what she's capable of, and we don't know what she's going to do next."

"I know. She clearly has an obsession with you, and people with obsessions don't give up."

"I just wish I understood why she had such an obsession. I get she was upset that I outperformed her in the academy, but I'm not the one that stopped her from being a cop. So she wasn't number one in our class. She still could have graduated, proven herself on the force. Why'd she give up just because she was in second place? And why is she now blaming her life's failures on me? It doesn't make sense."

"People like her often don't make a lot of sense," Maura pointed out. "It just has to make sense to _her_."

~R&I~

"We'll get through it."

That was what she told Maura, after all hell broke loose.

Alice managed to show up at Korsak's damn wedding and try to take out Jane in front of her loved ones. Jane had been so infuriated, so determined to end this once and for all, that she hadn't even looked around to see if everyone was okay, to see if Maura was okay. She couldn't look because if she'd seen anyone hurt, she would have focused on them, and Alice would have gotten away. So she ran after her in the night, and the bitch seemed to vanish into thin air. She finally went back, defeated, to see Nina being loaded into an ambulance while Kent shouted something she couldn't make out. She got the gist, though: Maura was hurt. Again.

She found Maura inside the Robber, still bleeding from a head wound. "I got a possible concussion and I cut my head," Maura said, trying to make it sound like no big deal.

"And the baby?" Jane fought back tears. She wasn't going through this again. The baby had to be okay.

"The baby's fine, I just hit my head. No abdominal trauma."

Despite Maura's assurances, Jane was completely panicked. It wasn't over, it wasn't even close to over, and Maura was going to keep getting hurt if Jane couldn't find a way to get ahead of this woman.

The next day, Maura collapsed in the squad room. She still tried to keep acting like she was fine, even after being taken to the hospital by ambulance, but Jane knew what she was doing. She knew Jane was stressed to the max as it was and didn't want to add to it. This was just like when she'd avoided telling Jane she'd been raped. Maura would do anything for Jane, just as Joe Harris, apparently, would have done anything for Alice. As she learned more, it became clear that Harris knew all along he was going to die for taking Maura; it just happened sooner than he'd planned. Alice knew everything about Jane. She knew Jane would kill anyone who hurt Maura, so she'd knowingly sent Harris on a suicide mission. The goal was to take away the most important thing Jane had to live for, because Alice knew that was Maura. Alice knew everything.

Jane would love to be able to say, "Well, you lost, bitch. Now I have twice as much to live for, because Maura's still here and now she's having a baby." But it was much too soon to make that claim. She also had twice as much to lose.

~R&I~

"We'll get through it."

That was the promise Jane made when Maura finally told her the results of the CT scan she'd snuck off to have. Jane had lost it when she found out Maura had gone off by herself, though it wasn't Maura she was angry with. She knew Maura was still trying not to worry her, which was also why she wouldn't tell her the results while they were still at work, which meant it was something bad. She didn't come out with it until they got home late that night, when she reluctantly told Jane that she had bleeding in her brain, bleeding that was now causing her cognitive difficulties. She was dizzy. She was forgetting words she used all the time. She was not okay, however much she might want Jane to think she was.

Two could play that game, of course. Jane also pretended to be okay as she got the news. She promised Maura they could handle it, presenting herself as a pillar of strength that Maura could hold onto as she weathered this storm. She would try her best to be exactly that. But inside she was heartbroken. How much more was her sweet Maura supposed to be able to take? Where would it end? Would she even be recognizable by the time this monster was through with her? And all of this, all of it, just to punish Jane for some perceived slight years and years ago.

Jane felt a hatred brewing in her such as she had not felt since the night Hoyt attacked Maura. That night, she'd been overcome when she saw him move towards Maura, had been filled with a greater strength than she'd believed herself capable of. This time was different. The object of her fury wasn't here, wasn't posing an immediate threat, which meant it was wrong to plan her demise. The best choice was always to bring a suspect in unharmed, no matter what they'd done. But she couldn't think like a cop right now. All she could think about was everything Maura had been through the past few months, and that she couldn't let her go through anymore. She was going to kill Alice Sands, whether she had to or not.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Maura was very worried about Jane. She didn't know which was going to get her first: Alice Sands, or the stress of chasing after Alice Sands. She knew Jane was also extremely worried about her and her head injury as well. She was honest with Jane about her continued dizziness and occasional forgetfulness, but she tried to be really positive about the fact that the situation wasn't getting any worse. She didn't mention how worried she was that she might never fully recover, her concerns about how this would affect her ability to be a good mother, because that would only make Jane worry more. Instead she made jokes about the situation, tried to make sure Jane ate regularly, and distracted Jane with nursery tasks whenever possible.

"You hold the rail in the slot on the footboard, and I'll put the screws in," Maura instructed one evening as they were assembling a cradle in the master bedroom.

"Okay." Jane held the tufted footboard at an angle, gripping the side rail as Maura came at it with the screwdriver. "Why does she need a cradle _and_ a crib?"

"The crib is for her room. The cradle is for my room."

"Well, yes, but her room is right next to yours."

"Studies show that babies are least likely to suffer from sudden infant death syndrome when they sleep in their own bed in the parents' room. She'll sleep in the cradle near my bed for her first year, and in the crib after that."

"So, she's not even going to use the big fancy crib we spent an entire weekend setting up?"

Maura looked up at Jane and felt a blush creeping into her face. "She'll use it," she said sheepishly. "I might put her down for naps in it sometimes, and once she reaches twelve months I'll start putting her to bed in her own room at night. It's just better for the first year if she stays close to me, so I'll wake if she has any breathing problems or anything."

Jane inserted the other side rail and held it while Maura screwed it on. "So what you're saying is that we could have waited an entire year before putting that crib together."

"Well, I suppose we technically could have, but the nursery would have looked just silly without it." Maura thought it looked beautiful right now. She's chosen solid wooden furniture with an old world European look, all painted in Gustavian white. The crib had pink velvet tufted panels on the head and footboards, and they'd installed an ornate bed crown with a pink silk canopy held back with Swarovski crystal tie backs shaped like flowers. The crib had a skirt and fitted sheet that were also made out of pink silk, although Maura had resisted buying the entire bedding set since current research suggested babies were safer without pillows, blankets, and crib bumpers. She thought it looked very elegant, although Jane had made several faces while helping her put it together. The rest of the furniture all matched. She had a wardrobe to put the tiny baby clothes in, a changing table (the tray could be removed later to turn it into an ordinary dresser), a bookcase, and a glider and ottoman for rocking the baby to sleep. She'd put a large rug on the floor, rectangular with scalloped edges, that had a pattern of pink roses on a green background. It was really just the skeleton of a nursery as there wasn't much _stuff_ yet, but it looked very pretty.

"You're lucky I don't believe in beating up pregnant women with head injuries," Jane told her.

Maura grinned. "You wouldn't beat me up no matter what." She inserted the bottom panel and had Jane hold it while she screwed on the headboard.

"Of course not, but seriously woman, you've had me putting together stuff the baby won't need for ages when I could be out trying to get the woman who's responsible for you being pregnant with a head injury."

"I want her put away just as much as you do, but you won't be able to catch her if you don't take care of yourself. You need breaks from it. You need to come home and relax sometimes, focus on positive things. Okay, let's flip it over so I can put the braces on the bottom."

Jane helped her turn the cradle over. "I forgot to ask how your lunch with Hope and Cailin went. How did they react to your pregnancy news?"

Maura hesitated. "They were both happy when I told them I was pregnant, but they wanted to know who the father was."

"And did you say what we practiced?"

"I told them it wasn't planned, and the father wasn't in the picture, but that I was excited to be a mother."

"Good for you!"

"But they asked more questions until I ended up blurting out that I was raped and the man was dead."

"Oh. Well, so much for that. How did they react?"

"Hope was more concerned about the fact that I was raped than she was with the baby. I'm not sure it fully sank in. She asked if I took emergency contraception, and I told her of course, but that someone has to be in the ten percent it doesn't work for. She wanted to know about the medical care I'd gotten afterwards, whether I was seeking counseling. She was very concerned about me. I promised I was doing everything I should."

"And Cailin? Is she happy to be an aunt?"

Maura closed her eyes, wishing she didn't have to remember. "She said I should have an abortion. She said babies shouldn't be born from rape."

"Did you tell her you considered that and decided this was what you wanted?"

"Yes. She thinks I'm making a mistake. A friend of hers was drugged on a date and raped, she said, and became pregnant, but had an abortion. Cailin seems to feel strongly that everyone in this situation should do that."

"But it's _your_ choice."

"Yes, well she didn't sound very enthusiastic about being an aunt to a baby conceived that way. She made it sound like I was insulting every woman who's ever been raped by choosing to keep the baby."

"Fuck her, then. If she doesn't want a niece, that's her loss." Jane set her jaw. "It's always been her loss, just like when she didn't want a sister and didn't want your kidney."

"She changed her mind about both of those things. Maybe she'll change her mind about this as well."

"Maybe, but if she doesn't, fuck her. We don't need that negativity."

"Well however they might feel, what I said is true. I'm very excited about becoming a mother, and I look forward to holding my baby girl in my arms."

Jane smiled fondly. "How do you do this? How do you stay so positive about this situation you were just thrown into?"

"I'm having the baby by choice."

"I know. I know. I just…I'm having trouble focusing on the positive right now. I really need to get Alice Sands out of the way before she becomes a threat to the baby, too. You know she will, if she finds out. She may already know. She seems to know everything."

"But you'll stay, right? Even after there's no more threat?"

Jane cringed. "Yes, of course I'll stay. I told you I'd help with the baby. This is where I want to be."

"You're sure? You looked upset right now."

Jane looked down and was quiet for a minute. "'Stay,'" she said finally, still looking down at her hands. "That was the last thing you said to me before you were kidnapped. I was afraid it would be the last thing I ever heard you say." She looked up. "You wanted me to stay in your office and rest, remember? But I wouldn't do it because I was so determined to solve the case right then. I left you alone, and then you got the call." Her voice cracked. "I keep thinking, if I had listened to you, if I had stayed, then you would never have been hurt like that."

"We'll never know for sure what would have happened. Things are what they are, and I'm not going to wish _she_ weren't coming." Maura patted her small bump.

"But you can't be glad it happened."

"No, of course not. I'll never be glad it happened. But it _did_ happen, and there's no reason I can't be glad about what happened next."

Jane looked thoughtful. "Yeah, I guess that's true. What good does it do to sit around wishing it hadn't happened?"

"Exactly. Life is always a mixture of good and bad things. Sometimes the bad things happen because of the good things, or vice versa. You can't enjoy life if you're trying to find something that's purely good, that isn't tainted in any way. You just have to enjoy the good things you do have, regardless of how they came about. Right now, I'm just happy to be assembling this cradle with you."

Jane smiled, helping her to stand the finished cradle upright. Then she helped Maura up from the floor, and Maura put the mattress in the cradle, giving it an experimental rock. Jane moved to stand beside her, putting her hand on the baby. "You have a very wise mommy," she said to Maura's stomach.

Maura put her hand over Jane's hand. "Remember when T.J. was born and you said you wished we could keep him?"

"Yes," Jane chuckled.

"Well, this one we do get to keep. And as I said, this is my choice. That detail is extremely important to me, and it's what I'm going to tell her when she's old enough to understand. What happened to me was horrible, and I certainly didn't want to become pregnant as a result, but I made the choice to have this baby because I decided I wanted _her_. She will never have a reason to feel unwanted in spite of how she was conceived."

"I think that's a good way of looking at it," agreed Jane. "I have to admit, I'm looking forward to meeting her."

Maura smiled. "I'm glad she's going to have you."

~R&I~

The next day, Alice Sands was arrested. Jane and Korsak found her with a rifle, which they were certain was the one used to shoot Nina, thought Maura cautioned them against assuming.

Maura and Jane discussed the situation while Alice was sitting by herself in the interrogation room. She wanted to talk to Jane, which Maura was completely against, but Jane insisted on going in there anyway, leaving Maura alone in the observation room. She watched them nervously through the one-way glass. At first Alice behaved predictably. She went on about Jane besting everyone in the Academy, taking what she saw as her rightful place at the top. Then the conversation took an unexpected turn.

"You know what I remember about you?" Jane said.

Alice leaned forward, her eyes hungry. "Tell me."

"Nothing," Jane said coldly.

Alice's face turned to steel. "I did everything to make you notice me," she said through her teeth. "You thought you were too good for me."

Maura frowned. Jane seemed taken aback as well. "What are you talking about?" she said.

"At the time, I told myself you just didn't swing that way," Alice went on. "We were the only women there. If you'd been into that kind of thing, you would have gone for me, I thought. I told myself I was reading you wrong. Everybody there had you pegged for a dyke, but maybe you weren't. Maybe you were just frigid or something."

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Jane.

"I was better than you. We both know I was better. I let myself get distracted," Alice continued. "I thought it was my own fault, lusting after a straight girl instead of focusing on my own performance. Then years later, I find out you're in a 'committed relationship' with the chief medical examiner. You're not straight. You just thought I wasn't good enough for you. You, a plumber's daughter."

Maura's mouth was hanging open. She could only see the back of Jane's head, but she imagined she looked much the same. "Alice, I'm not in a relationship with the ME. Maura's my best friend."

"Nobody buys that," said Alice, leaning forwards and resting her chin on her hand. "I know you were trying to stay low-key, living in different places and so on, but everyone knows you two are fucking. You've been fucking for years."

Maura's heart sped up. She remembered Nina saying there were rumors going around about her and Jane, but she had no idea they'd been that widespread.

"We're just friends. We've been dating other people as long as we've known each other."

"Oh, I know in the past one or the other of you would bring some man to an event or something, but none of them seemed to last long. They were just beards, honey, everyone knows that. You were just pretending to be straight. I've learned a lot about your Maura, trying to figure out what makes her so much better than me. Maybe you just don't want a girlfriend you have to compete with. She's the best in her field, but it's not your field, so maybe that was it." She leaned a little closer. "Maybe you like them rich, or blonde. Whichever it is, I'm sure things haven't been the same between you two since Dr. Harris had his way with her."

Jane flew out of her seat. _She's going to hit her_ , Maura thought, running out of the observation room and into the interrogation room. "Jane, don't!" she cried, surprising both women.

"Maura, you shouldn't be in here!" Jane told her.

"Neither should you. She's trying to bait you into doing something she can sue you for," Maura insisted. "Please, leave her!"

"Are you pregnant?" Alice asked abruptly, looking at Maura's belly with gleeful fascination. At sixteen weeks, Maura wasn't showing too much, but there was a discernable bump. "Did he make you pregnant?" The startled look on Maura's face was all the answer she needed. "Oh, this is too perfect! Jane, as bad as it must have been to find out Dr. Harris had his hands all over you girlfriend, I can't even imagine how it must feel to see your girlfriend carrying his baby. It must be awful!"

Jane made another move as if to strike her, but Maura moved between them. Just then, her attorney arrived, with horrible news: the rifle Alice had been found with wasn't a match to the one that had shot Nina. There was nothing to hold Alice on, and her lawyer promised to make sure nothing she'd said to Jane would be admissible in court.

"Goodbye, Jane. I really enjoyed our chat," Alice said before she left. Then she smiled at Maura. "Congratulations on your baby."

Jane and Maura were left behind in the interrogation room. Maura felt a tear slipping down her face and tried to brush it away before Jane could see it, but she wasn't fast enough.

"Maura, I'm so sorry," said Jane, her voice breaking. "I had no idea… She…she had you raped because she thought it would…she thought it would ruin you for me, or something. Somewhere in her twisted logic she thought she was punishing me for not being attracted to her by having someone else put his hands on the woman she thought was my girlfriend. That must have been her plan. First she'd make me see that someone else had been with you, and then she would kill you."

"Jane, you don't have to apologize. It's still not your fault."

"But it's completely unfair that you had to go through that because of me, especially since you're not even my girlfriend."

"I could have been," Maura said softly, the tears flowing freely now.

"What?"

"I could have been your girlfriend, all this time, if you'd wanted me to be."

Jane looked stunned. "Maura, I – _what_?"

"I've wanted it for a long time," Maura confessed.

"I didn't know," Jane said hoarsely. "I didn't…I didn't know."

 _Oh, no. She won't want to sleep in my bed after this,_ Maura thought. "I'm sorry. I just…I knew you probably wouldn't want someone like me, but I thought about it. Especially since I've been pregnant. I keep imagining what it would be like if this were _our_ baby, that we were having together. But I know it's not, I know we can only be friends, and I understand—"

"Maura." Jane took Maura's face in her hands and wiped the tears away with her thumbs. "I've thought the same thing," she whispered.

"You – you have?"

Jane nodded. "But I assumed you wouldn't want that with me. You deserve better than me. You should have someone more refined, with a background like yours."

Maura shook her head. "I don't want that. I feel more comfortable with you than I ever have with anyone."

Jane licked her lips. "I didn't protect you like I should have."

"Jane, I don't need you to be a superhero. I'm not looking for a knight in shining armor. I want _you_. I just want you to stay, forever."

"I'll stay," Jane whispered. She gently tilted Maura's head back and kissed her, every so softly, on the lips. Maura melted into her, hands moving to the back of Jane's head, their bodies pressed together. She was keenly aware of her pregnant belly between them and found herself thinking that the baby would approve, that she would want her two mommies to be together like this.

"Well, we, um, probably shouldn't be doing this here," Jane said quietly when they finally broke apart. She cleared her throat. "I should get back to work. We both need to get back to work. We need to find physical evidence, to link Alice Sands to—"

Maura nodded. "We'll find it," she promised. "But later…"

"We'll talk more about _this_ later," said Jane. She wiped a few dried tears off Maura's face. "I love you," she said, very softly.

"I love you too," said Maura. And with that admission, she felt like an enormous burden had been lifted.

~R&I~

By that night, another enormous burden had been lifted.

After hours of work, Maura was able to find a piece of physical evidence that could be used to hold Alice Sands. When Jane went to pick her up, Alice, knowing she was cornered, took a hostage and forced Jane to shoot her. Classic suicide by cop.

"What's funny is, I wanted to kill her, until I was actually in a position to do it. Then I didn't want to anymore," Jane said as she and Maura got home late that night. "Especially when I realized she wanted me to do it. I didn't want to give her what she wanted, and I almost felt sorry for her fucked-up little brain."

"So how do you feel, now that it's done?"

"I actually feel okay with it. I did what I had to do, and I didn't shoot her in anger. She really didn't give me a choice. And the kid can testify that I had to do it, so no one's gonna think I'm dirty. I'm just relieved that she can't come after us anymore."

"I am too." Maura eased herself down onto the couch. "I knew you would get her. I knew you'd be the one to win."

"I think I've won in more ways than I ever could have expected." Jane brought Maura a cream soda and sat down next to her with a beer. "I um, haven't had much time yet to really process what happened in the interrogation room this morning."

"I think what happened in the interrogation room was just about the best thing ever."

Jane broke into a grin. "Yeah. Yeah, it was."

"I've been hoping it would happen again."

Jane looked at her. "I've been…imagining something like that for so long, I kinda feel like I must be dreaming now."

"I'll pinch you if you want."

"No, that's okay." Jane slipped an arm around Maura, setting her beer down. "This is really what you want?"

"More than anything in the world." Maura patted her belly. "I think she would want it too. I think she would love to have two moms instead of just a mom and a roommate."

Jane placed her free hand over the baby, smiling tenderly. "I would love to have you two as my family, more than anything in the world."

"Then let's do it." Maura slipped her arms around Jane and kissed her, savoring the feel of Jane's lips on hers even more than the first time. They kissed again and again, drawn back almost magnetically each time they paused for air. At first Maura felt much like Jane did, as though this couldn't actually be real and something had to go wrong soon, but then she felt a knot coming undone in her stomach and just gave herself over to the kisses.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Jane felt lighter over the next few weeks. After a months-long nightmare, she could finally stop looking over her shoulder, could finally stop fearing for Maura's safety, for her family's. She could finally think about the future, and for the first time, it was a future with Maura that she was thinking about.

Of course, that was something she'd wanted for a long time, but she'd never imagined Maura feeling the same way. Now here she was, stating it all so matter-of-factly: she loved Jane. She wanted Jane to live with her forever. She wanted to raise the baby with Jane. It hardly seemed real, and Jane savored each moment she spent with the blonde in her arms, her soft lips on Jane's.

They hadn't consummated the relationship yet. There had been some intense make-out sessions and a lot of cuddling, but Maura had yet to make a move to go further, and Jane didn't dare. She certainly _wanted_ to, she'd wanted to for years, but she was nervous. For one thing, she was afraid of letting her down. For another, she wasn't sure if Maura was ready for that sort of thing yet. How long did it take to want sex again after a really horrible sexual experience? The one thing she knew was that it needed to be Maura's idea. She wasn't going to have her feeling like everyone just wanted to get their hands on her. Still, she knew Maura was probably going to want to do it sooner or later, so she was Googling stuff on her phone about how to please a woman in bed whenever she got the chance.

Of course, their ordeal still wasn't over, even though the people who had hurt Maura were dead. Maura was still grappling with her memories of the traumatic event, and she was still dealing with her head injury. She had continued to have symptoms intermittently, and she told Jane one day that she believed the injury had set off an underlying condition. There was a treatment, she said, but it wasn't guaranteed to work, and there was a possibility of her condition deteriorating. Then she handed Jane her resignation, for Jane to turn in if Maura reached a point where she could no longer perform her job duties and was incapable of making the call herself. Jane thought this was a gross overreaction, but it got worse: she also had papers giving Jane equal decision-making rights for the baby, as well as the ability to assume full guardianship if Maura became unable to care for her.

"You're going to be able to take care of her," Jane promised. She realized how horrifying the situation must be for Maura, to finally get excited about having a baby and then learn she might not be up to the task of motherhood after all. Jane didn't know how to fight this particular demon for her.

"I just want to be prepared for the worst," Maura repeated. "I need to know she'll be taken care of no matter what. You're the person I want to do it."

"I would absolutely do it if I needed to, but I won't," Jane insisted. "You're going to be the best mommy in the world."

"I hope so," Maura whispered.

Jane had taken the papers from Maura, and she would keep them safe, but she wished there was more she could do to put Maura's mind at ease. The only reminder of Alice Sands she was willing to accept being left with was that baby – and the relationship she had unwittingly sparked. Jane couldn't help feeling a little smug about how _that_ had turned out.

Maura seemed to be feeling more optimistic that evening, however. Jane found her at the Dirty Robber, sipping a Shirley Temple and sporting zombie makeup. Well, she wasn't in full makeup, but Kent had painted a realistic rotting gash on her face, which she was quite proud of and couldn't wait for Jane to see.

"Well I was going to kiss you, but I don't kiss zombies," Jane told her after she'd sat down and asked her mom for a beer.

"You were _not_ going to kiss me," Maura laughed. "Your mom's here!"

"So? She has to find out about us one way or another."

"Yes, but I didn't think you'd want it to be like _that_ ," said Maura. "So far I haven't told anyone besides Melanie, who can't tell anybody. I thought perhaps we'd wait until the dust settled a little, metaphorically speaking."

"I'm fine with whatever makes you most comfortable." Jane looked at her and smiled. "So, I don't know if this is psychological or something, but you seem like you've gotten more beautiful. Like, your hair looks thicker and shinier, and your skin looks extra perfect, aside from that zombie gash. Am I just noticing stuff more now that we're a couple?"

Maura grinned. "That could be a contributing factor, but so is my pregnancy. The increased estrogen is prolonging my hair's growth phase, which makes it appear fuller, and increased blood flow to the skin causes that pregnancy glow."

"Oh. Well, it's working for you. You look gorgeous."

"Thank you," said Maura delightedly.

"Aside from the zombie makeup."

Maura giggled. "Last night I dreamed I had the baby and she was a zombie. I was so upset because I didn't know how she became a zombie inside of me. I felt like I'd failed her."

"It's this damn case," said Jane. "So how did you feel about your zombie baby?"

Maura smiled shyly. "I still loved her. I was trying to figure out how to find brains for her to eat."

"A growing baby's gotta have the right nutrition, even if she's undead." Jane smiled. "I knew you'd still love her. It's in your nature. You're just a loving person." She moved a strand of Maura's hair out of her face. "That's why I love you so much."

"Jane," Maura said fondly in response. Jane had never heard Maura use terms of endearment when speaking to anyone other than Bass, or T.J. when they used to babysit him, but she had this way of saying Jane's name that sounded warmer and dearer than any term of endearment ever could.

Suddenly Jane noticed Angela watching them, Jane's beer in her hand, an interesting look on her face. She saw Jane looking and came over to the table, putting the beer down. "Doesn't Maura look lovely?" she said to Jane. "She definitely has that pregnancy glow. She looks better than I've ever seen her, which is saying something since she always looks amazing."

"Yeah, she does," Jane agreed.

"I can only imagine how beautiful this baby's gonna be if she takes after Maura," Angela continued, giving Jane a meaningful look.

"Don't you have other customers to serve?" Jane asked her.

"Of course. I'll let you two have some time together," she said, beating a hasty retreat.

"Well that was odd. We get plenty of time together," said Maura.

"I think she wants to make sure this baby calls her Grandma," Jane said wryly.

"Oh! That would be lovely, if she would want it, and if you would."

Jane shrugged. "She wanted me to give her a grandkid. Maybe I will; just not the way she expected." She saw Angela sneaking glances at them from across the room and smiled at Maura. "You know what? Maybe I could make an exception to my zombie-kissing rule, if the zombie was pretty enough."

Maura lit up. "You really want to? In front of your mom?"

"Yeah, why not?" Jane gently moved a strand of hair out of Maura's face and leaned forwards, tenderly kissing her lips.

"I knew it!" The shout came from across the room as Angela came barreling towards them. "I knew there was something going on between you two!" She bore down on Maura, sweeping the startled blonde into a hug. "You're already my daughter as far as I'm concerned, but I sure wouldn't complain if you made an honest woman out of my Jane. I looked it up, in Massachusetts two moms can go on a baby's birth certificate as long as the moms are married at the time of the birth! You've got five months to take care of that!"

"Ma!" Jane shouted, feeling her cheeks burn.

"I'm just saying. I want my granddaughter taken care of." She kissed Maura's cheek. "Welcome to the family, sweetie. You know we all love you." She rounded on Jane. "Now you better treat her right. If you scare her away I'm never going to forgive you."

Maura laughed. "Jane has always treated me wonderfully, Angela."

"You'd better keep it up. I've got my eye on you," Angela said sternly as she went back to serve someone at the bar.

The evening passed pleasantly enough. They discussed Maura's medical condition a bit more, and Jane was relieved to hear that extreme deterioration was unlikely, but she understood Maura's need for a backup plan in case things went horribly wrong.

In bed that night, Maura snuggled up to Jane as usual, and, and always, Jane pulled her close. For a bit they each read, though Jane's thoughts were more on the blonde in her arms than the book in her hands, but suddenly Maura looked up.

"Jane, can I tell you something?"

"Of course, you can tell me anything."

"It's a problem I'm having that I was hoping you could help me with."

"Sure. Anything you need."

"Well I don't want you to agree to do it unless you really _want_ to."

"Okay, well what is it?"

Maura bit her lip nervously. "My body is producing large amounts of estrogen, progesterone, and oxytocin right now," she said.

"Mmm-hmm. And in English?"

"I'm experiencing increased blood flow to my pelvic region, as well as an increased emotional need for intimacy. My nipples are also feeling increased sensitivity."

"Mmm. So what you're trying to say is, the pregnancy is making you horny?"

Maura looked at her. "My sex drive was virtually nonexistent at the beginning of the pregnancy, both as the result of trauma and the hormone levels I had at the time, but due to recent hormonal changes as well as the change in the nature of our relationship, I find that whenever I look at you now, I think about having sex with you."

"Oh really?" Jane raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"Yes! And if you don't want to right now, I understand, but I've wanted to do it for years, and currently It feels very…urgent."

"Urgent, huh?"

"Yes! It's not logical, but I feel like I'm going to die if you don't give me an orgasm as soon as possible."

Jane couldn't help chuckling. "Well, I can do my best. I've never given another woman an orgasm before, so I'm not sure if I'll be, you know, successful, but…"

"I don't think it'll be a problem." Maura shifted in her arms, pressing her body more fully against Jane's. "So you'll do it?"

"Of course. You're the woman I love. As long as you're willing to put up with my inexpert fumbling, I'm down."

"Oh, Jane, I won't let you fumble." Maura kissed her, slowly, softly. "There's no reason to feel awkward," she whispered. "This is the most natural thing in the world."

Jane shivered pleasantly as she felt Maura's breath on her neck, the doctor's nimble fingers gently pushing her tank top up and pulling it over her head, tossing it aside. Her lips eagerly traveled down Jane's neck, onto her chest, and encircled a nipple as casually as if she'd already planned out every step of this adventure. Her hands moved downwards, slipping Jane's shorts down as far as she could and then pulling them off the rest of the way with her foot.

"Hey," said Jane, amazed at how quickly things were moving, "am I supposed to get you naked, too?"

"Of course," said Maura. "That's part of sex."

"Okay, just checking." Jane's fingers moved to the hem of Maura's silk nightgown, then slowly lifted it off over her head, revealing a perfect naked body. Her fingers traced the baby bump and then moved upwards.

"Touch me," Maura breathed. "I want to feel your hands all over me."

Okay, that was hot. "Are your boobs sore?" she asked, her fingers caressing soft skin but stopping short of the mounds she wanted so badly to feel in her hands. "Mine were really sore when I was pregnant."

"They're a bit tender if someone bumps into me, but they can handle being touched. Please do it. The last person who touched me intimately was doing it to hurt me. I just want to feel _loved_."

"You _are_ loved. _I_ love you, more than anything in the world." She was determined to make Maura see that, to make her feel like the most precious human being in the world, because that was exactly what she was. She cupped the blonde's breasts, teasing her nipples with her thumbs, and covered her face in kisses. She decided she was going to kiss everything to make Maura feel how loved she was. She moved down her neck, over her shoulder, and down her arms, kissing her hand and each individual finger. She moved to the other side, starting with her fingers and working her way up until she was back to Maura's chest. Feeling emboldened by this new intimacy, she moved on to those exquisite breasts, kissing her way around each one before teasing one nipple, then the other, with her tongue. Maura moaned softly, her fingers now working their way into Jane's hair. Jane finally moved on, planting kisses on Maura's stomach, where the baby was housed. She slowed down when she found herself approaching another mound, one she'd never dared even think about touching. "Maura, do you want…"

"No," Maura murmured.

"Oh, okay," said Jane, withdrawing quickly.

"No, I mean, come here. I want to do it together."

"Oh. Okay." Following Maura's gesture, Jane stretched out so that she and Maura were facing each other. "What do you…what do you want me to do?"

"Do what I do," said Maura. Her fingers trailed down Jane's skin and then slipped between her legs, finding her wet and ready. She slowly caressed her swollen folds, savoring it. Jane was unable to contain a small moan of pleasure as she hesitantly reached for Maura's heat, caressing her in the same way. She was surprised (she wasn't sure why) to find Maura just as wet, just as swollen, and it turned her on immensely. Another moan escaped her, this time more in response to the feel of Maura's slick folds under her fingers than from anything Maura was doing to her. But that was the thing, wasn't it? She was enjoying touching and being touched in equal measure, for the first time in her life. This was like nothing she had ever experienced before.

Maura's finger found Jane's clit and began stroking, lightly and then harder, her spare hand working Jane's right breast. Jane involuntarily rocked her hips forwards, wordlessly begging Maura to touch her more, to do it harder. Maura did, adding another finger so she was now rubbing both sides of her clit at once. Jane, following her lead, sought out Maura's own sensitive spot and began stroking her the same way, paying attention to Maura's cues to figure out if she should go faster or slower. While her left hand did that, her right crept up towards Maura's left breast, fingers lightly circling a taught nipple. Her lips found Maura's, reveling in the seemingly endless beautiful sensations they were making together.

Then Maura's fingers moved to Jane's entrance and paused as if asking a silent question. In answer, Jane moved her hips to take her in. Maura's fingers, already wet with Jane's juices, easily slipped inside, causing the detective to gasp and pull back from their kiss.

"Is this okay?" Maura murmured. "Do you like this?"

"Yes. Yes, definitely."

"Do it to me too. I want it. I want you there."

Jane nodded and cautiously entered her girlfriend, feeling like she had just been granted access to the holiest temple in the world. She mimicked Maura's rhythm as the blonde began to move her fingers inside of her. They both moved in and out, thrusting deeper and faster, until Jane felt Maura clenching around her fingers. She was so amazed to be making Maura come that the very thought triggered her own orgasm, the sweetest she had ever felt. Then the two women lay panting, holding each other close.

"Maura, that was…" Jane searched for the right word, but none seemed adequate.

"Beautiful," gasped Maura. "Jane, it was perfect. Thank you."

"You're thanking me?"

"Yes, for making me feel good again."

"Well, I've never felt as good as you just made me feel, so maybe I should be the one thanking you."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Jane kissed her, fingering the blonde's soft hair. "So is this it, then? We're settled now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is this really how I'm spending the rest of my life? I'm going to stay in this house, live with you, be another mommy to your little girl? And we'll do _this_ a lot?"

"If that's what you want. I have invited you to do exactly that. Whether you accept my invitation is up to you."

"Of course I accept it. Maura, this is…this is beyond my wildest dreams. Just a few months ago, my life was the most unsettled it had ever been. I was living in my brother's closet, for crying out loud. It's weird to think that I could have gone straight from that to being completely settled, with a home and family just waiting for me."

"I suppose it is a bit sudden. I understand if you need time to think."

"Maura, no. No." She hugged the smaller woman close, feeling their skin together, the gentle swell of Maura's pregnant belly against her own flat stomach. "I don't need time to think. There is no place else I could possibly want to be. And now that there's nobody after me anymore, there's no reason to even hesitate. I'll stay here, forever. I'll tell the world this is how it is, that the three of us are a family now."

She could feel Maura's smile against her chest. "My Jane, thank you. That gives me one less thing to worry about."

"I already told you, I should be the one thanking you." Jane pulled back to look at the woman's beautiful face. "Do you feel better now? Less horny?"

Maura smiled, slowly shaking her head.

"Are you serious? You're insatiably horny?"

Maura laughed. "Perhaps I could be sated."

"Perhaps?"

"Well." Maura smiled coyly. "There's only one way to find out."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Maura sighed happily as she looked around the nursery, hand on her belly. She'd hung some art prints the previous night that she thought really set the room off. She knew it was a bit premature to be decorating the nursery now, but doing fun things like this kept her focused on the positive in her situation, kept her mind from wandering back so much to the horror in which this baby was conceived. At 20 weeks, she was now halfway through the pregnancy, and she knew she might feel the baby move any time now. She couldn't wait; she wanted to feel her daughter move around, to feel her presence more fully.

"Hey. You ready to go look at the baby soon?" Jane said, coming into the room behind her.

Maura smiled. "Yes! I'm very excited about this ultrasound. Not only is she more developed now, but I'm in a very different state of mind than I was in 12 weeks ago. Now I know I want her."

"Yeah." Jane put her arms around Maura from behind, her hands resting over the baby. "I can't wait to see her."

"Have you given any thought to what you'd like to name her?" Maura asked.

"Me?"

"Yes! If we're going to raise her together, we should choose a name together. You're her mother too."

Jane smiled. "I guess I didn't think about it. You've been doing most of the stuff yourself, I mean I wouldn't have picked green and pink for the nursery colors."

"You don't like it?"

"No, I do, it looks nice, but those aren't the colors I'd have chosen if it had been up to me."

"What would you have chosen?"

"Red and blue."

Maura gave her a look. "You'd have given her a Red Sox nursery?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"She's a baby. She doesn't know what the Red Sox are."

"She doesn't know what anything is! We have to teach her." Jane grinned. "But the nursery looks nice. It's fit for royalty."

"So you haven't thought of any names?"

"Well, there was one that crossed my mind, but I don't know if you'll like it. What about you? You're never short on ideas."

"I've had one in mind for a while, but I'm afraid you'll think it's silly and old-fashioned."

"What is it?"

Maura hesitated. "Victoria."

"Victoria?"

"You don't like it, do you?"

"It's pretty, but it's a big name for a tiny baby."

"She'll grow into it. I like it because…she _is_ my victory. I went through something no one should have to go through, and I emerged victorious. Joe Harris planned to kill me, but now he's dead, Alice Sands is dead, and I'm still alive. He tortured me, tried to destroy me, but he didn't destroy me. I'm here with you, in the relationship I've dreamed about for so long, because of Alice's actions that were meant to tear us apart. We're now having a baby together, the baby we've both wanted for a long time. We both emerged victorious, really, and this baby is our victory."

Jane hugged her closer. "Well, I guess I could call her Tori for short."

Maura wrinkled her nose. "Tori?"

"What? That's cute! Would you rather I call her Vic?"

"No!"

Jane kissed Maura. "I think Victoria is the perfect name."

"It's also after you. Your badge number is Victor 825."

"Yeah, but all the detectives' badge numbers start with 'Victor.'"

"Yes, but not all the detectives are mine," smiled Maura. "So what was the name you were thinking of?"

Jane looked down shyly. "Grace."

"That's a pretty name."

Jane nodded. "The nuns always said that grace is when you get better than you deserve. I think the whole world got better than it deserved when you showed up, and I think that will probably be the case with her as well."

"What about Victoria Grace?" Maura suggested. As soon as the name came out of her mouth, she knew it was perfect.

"Victoria Grace," Jane repeated, a smile spreading across her face. "I love it. It's fit for royalty, just like her nursery."

"I don't know about that, but…I do think it fits."

Jane came around to Maura's front and knelt. "Do you want to be Victoria Grace?" she said to the baby, before kissing Maura's belly. "I love you so much already." She planted another kiss and then stood, taking Maura in her arms. "And I love _you_ more all the time."

She kissed her, and Maura deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms tightly around Jane's neck. She melted against her for a moment, but then Jane reluctantly pulled back.

"You really are insatiable," she said.

"You enjoy it though," said Maura, grinning.

"I do. I really do. But, we have an appointment to get to! We're going to look at little Victoria Grace."

"Yes! But when we get done…"

"We're going to work, remember?"

"Yes, but then when we get home from work…"

"Then I will sex you up like I do every night. Now let's go!"

The last time she'd seen Dr. Warren was four weeks ago, right before her relationship with Jane had undergone its sudden change for the better. Jane had been there for that appointment, as she'd been there for the one before that and the one before that, but she had come as a supportive best friend. Dr. Warren seemed to quickly notice the change in their dynamic.

"So you say your friend will be helping with the baby?" she said casually as she examined Maura.

"Oh." Maura felt her cheeks burn. "She's my…we're in a relationship now."

"Oh! So I suppose she _will_ be helping to raise the child, then."

"I'd be part of this kid's life either way," said Jane.

Maura smiled up at her. What she really wanted was to put Jane's name on the birth certificate when the baby arrived, but the only way to do that was to legally marry her first, and she didn't want to push Jane into anything when they'd only just gotten together.

"Well, I'm happy to hear that. You both look much happier, and that's the sort of environment you want to bring a child into."

Maura grinned at Jane. It _was_ a good environment, wasn't it?

"So you had called the office about a couple things," said Dr. Warren, looking at her laptop. "You'd wanted to know if it was safe for pregnant women to fence."

"Yes," said Maura. "I did fencing in school, and I wanted to get back into it, but I wasn't sure if it was a good idea right now. I contacted the fencing club to ask, and they said they had members who fenced well into pregnancy, but that I should ask you."

"I must say, it was the first time I'd gotten that question," she said. "Did you get my message?"

"Yes. I told my instructor you felt I shouldn't run the risk of any blows to the abdomen, and she agreed we could just work on footwork for now."

"That sounds wise. And did you schedule the surgery you asked about?"

"Yes," said Maura, although the thought of it still made her nervous. "Since you said it was best to do it during the second trimester, I got it scheduled as soon as I possibly could."

"Good. It's best to get your condition taken care of before the baby arrives. Now are you ready to have a look at the baby?"

"Yes!" Maura smiled, reaching for Jane's hand as Dr. Warren got the ultrasound cart. She couldn't wait.

Maura knew what a 20-week-old fetus looked like, of course, but somehow, her heart seemed to just stop when she saw the image on the screen.

"Wow, she's not a gummy bear anymore," breathed Jane. "She looks like a real baby now."

"Yes, she does," Maura agreed. She could clearly make out nose, lips, ear. She could see the bones in her little arms. She was moving one arm.

"She's waving to you," said Dr. Warren.

Maura knew that was a joke, but she melted anyway. Jane waved back.

Dr. Warren moved the wand a little and they could see her little heart frantically beating. She measured it at 156 beats per minute, which was good. Then she zoomed back out and they could see her little leg. Tiny Victoria rubbed her face with her hand, then took her hand away from her face and stretched out her fingers, then balled them back up, her little mouth opening and closing as she did so. Maura felt tears in her eyes.

"She's doing all kinds of stuff in there," said Jane.

"She's our little girl," said Maura softly.

"Yeah she is," said Jane. She leaned down and kissed Maura's forehead. "She's beautiful, just like her mommy."

As they watched, she got really active, moving her hands around and kicking her legs. They both laughed at her antics.

"She's putting on a good show for us," said Dr. Warren. "Can you feel it when she does that?"

Maura shook her head.

"Any day now, you'll start to. It'll feel like a little fluttering at first."

"She's wiggling so much! Perhaps she'll be a dancer," said Maura.

"Or an athlete," said Jane

"Dancers _are_ athletes," Maura insisted.

Then Dr. Warren zoomed in on a little foot, and they both fell silent, as they could see the toes so clearly. She took a still and typed _FOOTPRINT_.

"I can't wait to hold that little foot," said Jane, squeezing Maura's hand again. "Maura, look what you did! You made a whole new person!"

"I did," Maura agreed. "I wasn't even trying."

"You'll give us pictures to take home, right?" Jane asked Dr. Warren. "I want to frame them. Maura, what happened to that frame you got a while back, the one you said matched the nursery decor so well?"

"You said it was silly to buy it since we didn't have any pictures to put in it, so I put it away in the closet."

"Get it back out! We have pictures now! And she's adorable!"

Dr. Warren chuckled. "She looks perfect."

~R&I~

A few weeks later, Maura was in a hospital bed, recovering from surgery. This procedure would, hopefully, stop her dizzy spells and her forgetfulness. It would allow her to continue in her work as chief medical examiner, and would make her better prepared for motherhood. She did not like to think what would happen if she became lightheaded while carrying the baby in her arms, or if she forgot something the baby needed. She was glad to be getting this done now, even if it was a bit stressful. She'd been far more anxious about the anesthesia than she had anticipated. She'd panicked at the last second, hating the idea of drugged sleep, but then she forced herself to calm down and let the anesthesiologist do his job. When she came to again, there was a horrible moment when she expected to find herself chained to a pipe, but instead she was lying in a recovery room, completely unrestrained.

Surprisingly, it was not Jane who sat in the recovery room with her now, but Hope. Jane had encouraged Maura to call Hope about the surgery, and Maura finally had, just that morning. Hope insisted on coming out to the hospital and really wanted to be the one taking care of her; Jane, wanting them to have time to bond, had gone to help out with a case for a few hours once she had seen that Maura had come out of surgery okay. She had promised to be back in time for dinner, but until then, Maura was alone with Hope. It was awkward, as usual.

"How is the pregnancy going?" Hope asked.

"It's going well. I'm five months along now. Jane and I have already decorated the nursery, and we recently picked out a name."

"Jane seems to be playing a sizable role in this child's life."

"Well, it is _our_ baby."

"Oh! So you and Jane are—"

"We're together, yes. She lives with me now."

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised. She's always been very protective over you, very loving towards you. It's always been clear that you adore her. How long have you two been together?"

"A little over a month."

Hope looked at her. "And she doesn't mind that the baby's father is…"

Maura readjusted her pulse oximeter. "The baby doesn't have a father."

"Not in her life, but biologically speaking, everyone has a father. There's no getting around that."

"He may have provided the sperm, but the child is not his."

Hope gazed at her thoughtfully. "I must admit, it's difficult for me to understand why you didn't terminate this pregnancy, but I respect your decision and I'm going to do my best to be supportive."

"I thought about it, but I've wanted a baby for years. At times I considered having one on my own, either adopting or using a sperm donor, but I wasn't sure I could handle raising a child by myself, and the timing never seemed right. I had pretty much resigned myself to never having one when this happened. I realized this was the opportunity I was waiting for." She smiled, rubbing her belly. "She's my little girl. When Jane gets here, she can show you her newest ultrasound picture. It's very cute. She's been carrying a copy in her wallet and showing it to anyone who will look!"

"That's sweet, but how did you and Jane become an item in the middle of all this?"

"Well, she moved in to help me with the baby, and it just brought us closer together." She paused, remembered that day in the interrogation room when they had both confessed their feelings and kissed for the first time. It was an odd setting, but it was theirs, only theirs. "One day we found out that each had loved the other for a long time but hadn't said anything, so we finally began a relationship. Victoria is _our_ daughter, not just mine."

"Victoria?"

Maura nodded, unable to keep from smiling. "We've decided to call her Victoria Grace."

"That's pretty. What does Jane's family think?"

"Oh they're wonderful, they're very supportive. Angela's been knitting…" She cringed a little, remembering the cheap acrylic yarn Angela had been using in the beginning. Maura had purchased some organic cotton yarn in pretty colors and made it out to be a nice gift, when in truth she just didn't want anything less being used for her baby. When she found out Angela planned to use up the acrylic yarn anyway, she hid it. Jane thought it was hilarious.

"Are they accepting the baby as family, even though…?"

"Yes," said Maura. "Are you?"

"I…I'll try," said Hope carefully. "It's just…hard to understand why you would have a baby fathered by such a…monster. I'm not sure you realize…you may never be able to look at her without thinking of him."

 _Maybe there was a reason that she didn't survive_ , Hope had said the day Maura met her. _See, her father was…evil._

"You can't look at me without thinking of Paddy," said Maura. "That's why you're always…I remind you of the stupidest thing you ever did."

"I don't mean anything bad," Hope said quickly. "I have good memories of Paddy too. It isn't all bad that you make me think of him. But, yes, I do find it impossible not to think of your father when I see you."

"That was different. You were in love with Paddy at one time. You two had a relationship. He was there when I was born! I barely knew the man who kidnapped me. I was around him for two days, and then he was dead. Jane killed him."

"Perhaps it is different, but this child wouldn't be here if it weren't for him. It might be harder for you than you realize."

"She's not his child," Maura insisted, blinking back tears. "She's mine, and Jane's. We're very excited to be having her."

"I'm sorry, Maura. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Hey." Jane strode into the room. "How are you feeling?"

Maura swallowed. "I'm doing well."

"I'd better get going, now you're back," said Hope. "I'll come back to see you tomorrow when you go home. Congratulations to you both, on the baby." She gathered her purse and hurried off, leaving Jane stunned.

"You look upset. What happened?" demanded Jane.

"She said…" Maura closed her eyes for a moment, trying to gather herself. "She doesn't think I'll ever be able to look at the baby without thinking of Joe Harris."

"Well, that's ridiculous. How could she know what you'll think?"

"What if she's right?"

Jane sat down beside the bed. "Do you think she's right?"

"I hope not." Maura rubbed her belly. "I do think about it a lot. The memories come back, and I know I wouldn't be pregnant if he hadn't hurt me. But when I saw her on the ultrasound screen, I didn't think about him at all. All I thought about was how amazing she was, how active she was, what it will be like to see her do all those things when she's out here with us. I thought how lucky I am to experience this with you. I never thought about him, not once."

"So obviously you already _can_ look at her without thinking about him. Hope's wrong."

"Maybe she still thinks it would have been better if I'd died when I was born."

"Maura, don't be silly. She doesn't think that. It was just what she told herself to make herself feel better. She told me that you turned out better than she'd ever imagined."

"Well she probably imagined I would turn out evil. She said maybe there was a _reason_ I didn't survive."

"If she really thought that, then she is a horrible person, because who could look at an innocent newborn baby girl and say that she shouldn't live because of something her father did? Who could do that? Could you possibly think that about Victoria when she's born?"

"No, not at all."

"Of course not. Neither could I. That sweet little baby couldn't possibly make us think of that asshole, who is now in the ground where he belongs. Okay?"

Maura smiled. "Okay."

After they ate dinner, Maura began to feel sleepier, so Jane got into bed with her and held her tight.

"We should go away somewhere soon," Maura murmured with her eyes closed. "Just a short trip. We've never traveled as a couple, and I might not be up to it in the third trimester, and then the baby will be here."

"Where did you have in mind?"

"I don't know. We could go to the beach or the woods."

"We're _not_ going camping again."

"The beach then. I just want you to myself for a few days, and I want to have a lot of sex."

Jane chuckled. "I can't say no to that request. You pick wherever you think would be a good spot, and I'll go there with you. You deserve a little getaway after all you've been through."

"So do you." Maura snuggled in a little closer to Jane and was just starting to drift off when she felt it: a little fluttering in her belly. It started soft and then intensified a little. Her eyes flew open.

"You okay?" Jane asked.

"Yes, I—" Maura put her hand on her belly. She couldn't feel anything from the outside, of course, but the fluttering was still there, off and on, on the inside. "Jane, I feel her moving!"

"That's wonderful!" Jane put her hand on the bump as well. "Is she doing it now? Can I feel?"

"She is, but she's too small to feel it from the outside. By next month you should be able to feel."

"You're so lucky! I bet she's waving her arms and kicking her legs around like she was doing during the ultrasound."

"She's probably opening and closing her mouth too. Remember when we saw her rub her face? That was the cutest thing I've ever seen."

" _She's_ the cutest thing I've ever seen, and I haven't really seen her yet."

"I'm so glad we had the ultrasound so I can picture what's she's doing when I feel her moving around!"

"Me too." Jane kissed Maura, rubbing her belly as she did so. "I love both of my girls so much."

"We love you too!"

Maura snuggled back up to her Jane, but it took a while for her excitement to die down so she could sleep. She kept imagining the adorable things her little Victoria Grace was doing inside of her.

And she didn't think of Joe Harris once.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"I can't wait to get into the water," Maura said as Jane dragged their bags into their hotel suite (she wouldn't let Maura carry anything even a short distance), thanking the bellhop or whatever he was called for bringing them this far. "I got a new maternity swimsuit just for this trip!"

"Ooo, is it a bikini?" asked Jane. "I brought a bikini. I wanted to look sexy for my lady."

Maura grinned. "I can't wait to see you in it! I brought a bikini for the beach and a one-piece for the pool."

"Good, go put the bikini on! Let's get out on the beach while the sun is still shining."

Jane nosed around the suite before getting changed herself. Maura's fortieth birthday was this weekend, so they had taken Friday and Monday off to enjoy a few days at the beach together. Maura had, of course, found some historic five-star oceanside hotel for them to stay in. Their suite was beautiful. It had enormous windows on three sides, offering expansive views of the Atlantic Ocean and the hotel's private beach. There was a dining area with a table for four, a sideboard, one of those long armchairs where your feet were stretched out in front of you (Maura would know what that was called), and a bay window with a built-in seat (Jane ran over and sat in the seat for a few seconds as soon as she saw it, just so she could say she had). There was a roomy desk, which was good since Maura had brought her laptop so she could work on the book she was starting to write. Jane didn't know what it was about yet since Maura was still stuck in the first chapter and wouldn't let her read it until it was just right, but she'd gotten in contact with some people at a mystery writers' convention she'd dragged Jane to (making her wear a sexy dress, because clearly she wanted to show her off), and she had an editor who was interested in her idea.

Next to the desk was a door going out onto a private verandah overlooking the beach. It was nice and roomy and had a few chairs and comfy loungers. Across from this was a big fancy wet bar thing with an array of fancy alcoholic beverages. They must not have realized a pregnant lady would be staying in this room, Jane thought, closing the cabinet doors so Maura wouldn't have to see what she was missing. She wandered over to the living room area, where a couch and some armchairs were clustered around a fireplace. There was another bay window over here, and a door leading onto a _second_ verandah! Damn, Maura did not hold back. This verandah was on a different side, but you could still see the ocean. There were a table and chairs out here.

Jane went back in and entered the bedroom, where she assumed they would be spending a lot of time. Here there was a king-sized bed, a second fireplace, and another door going out onto the side verandah. There was also a rather unusual feature: a pair of large bifold doors opening onto the bathroom. The whirlpool tub was right on the other side of the doors, so it was practically in the bedroom when they were open. She could see Maura standing in the bathroom, wearing her blue maternity bikini and some sort of gauzy cover-up thing, looking apprehensively at her reflection.

"Hey, sexy thing," said Jane from the bedroom. "You look amazing. Let me get changed and we can head out."

"Do you think this shows too much?" asked Maura. "Maybe I should put on my one-piece."

The cover-up was kind of see through, so Jane could tell that the bikini showed some cleavage and her pregnant belly, but that was about it. "I've seen way skimpier bikinis. Come on, don't tell me you're getting self-conscious about your baby belly? You look beautiful! You're in great shape. Anyone can tell that's a baby, not a beer belly."

"That's not what I'm worried about," said Maura softly. "I'm worried that I look _too_ good."

"Too good? How can you look _too_ good?"

"If I go out there like this, men will look at me and think…they'll think…"

"Whoa." Jane climbed over one side of the tub and back out the other side, now in the bathroom with Maura. "I'm sure men will look at you and think you're sexy, and some women too, but that's never bothered you before."

"It never seemed like a threat before," said Maura, tears glistening in her eyes. "When Harris…" Her breath started coming faster. "He wasn't sure if he could get aroused with an unwilling partner, but when he started taking my clothes off and he _looked_ at me, he did. He did get aroused. I was hoping he wouldn't be able to, but—"

"Oh, Maura." Jane pulled the blonde close and held her as the tears fell.

"I didn't want him to," Maura sobbed.

"I know you didn't, baby. I know." Jane stroked Maura's hair. "But sweetie, you need to understand, there was nothing about _you_ that made him do that. He wasn't able to do it because you were so good-looking. He was able to do it because he was a monster, a horrible person."

"He said I was an attractive woman. He said it was a shame he was going to have to kill me."

"Maura, listen. I happen to think you're the sexiest human being alive. I'm crazy in love with you, I mean I probably appreciate your good looks more than anyone else does. But I could never get aroused by you in a situation where you were scared or upset. I mean, I've always thought you were sexy, but I still managed to control my arousal for years because I didn't think you wanted me to feel that way. That's what decent people do. I know society says horrible things about women's bodies making men lose control, but you know as well as I do that's not true. What happened to you happened because two horrible people decided to hurt you to get to me." Jane's voice wavered. "It didn't happen because of who you are."

Maura nodded her understanding, trying to blink her tears away. "It's just…when I go out there like this, people will look at me…"

"People have always looked at you. Don't let that ruin your fun. None of them are going to touch you, because I would hurt them if they even thought about it." She kissed her. "You are the most beautiful woman in the world. Please don't start seeing that as a bad thing."

"Thank you," said Maura quietly. "Although I think you're the most beautiful."

"Well, we can have that argument later. Put your one-piece on if it makes you more comfortable, but if you wanted to wear the bikini, then I think you should."

"I will," said Maura. "But you'll stay close to me, right?"

"Of course. I'll make sure everyone knows you are not an eligible woman."

Maura dried her eyes and gathered their beach things while Jane changed into her own bikini and a simple opaque coverup. She was glad Maura was going to wear what she wanted to wear, but she was infuriated that she had even considered changing out of fear that it was no longer safe to look so amazing. Maura had always turned heads, and for as long as Jane had known her, she'd been fully aware of that fact. It had never bothered her before. Jane couldn't stand the thought of her feeling differently about herself because of what that bastard did to her.

Once they had everything, they marched out to the beach, which was full of rich people sunbathing, little kids building sandcastles, and teenagers surfing. They spread their towels out on two of the hotel-provided lounge chairs and lay back, Jane removing her coverup so she could soak up the sun.

"Wow," said Maura. "I've never seen that bikini."

Jane grinned. "Happy birthday." The bikini was new, and it didn't cover much. She had known it would please her always-horny girlfriend.

"I must admit, I am very aroused right now," said Maura. "But I can control myself."

Jane laughed. "You just have to control yourself for a little while. Once we get back to our room, you can let that horniness loose."

Maura took Jane's hand and relaxed in her lounger for a bit. They watched as a girl of about two ran repeatedly at the waves, screamed when one hit her, and then ran back giggling. Jane noticed Maura fondly rubbing her little pregnant belly as she watched her.

"One day that will be Tori," Jane remarked. "It'll be fun bringing her to the beach."

Maura smiled. "It will. There are so many things I want to show her. Jane, we'll have to find more time to travel, once she's big enough. I want her to see the world."

"She and I can go with you on your book tours when you're a famous writer," Jane said.

"That's definitely not going to happen if I don't even finish the first chapter of my first book," said Maura.

"You will. I've read your short stories. You're a great writer."

"You really think so?"

"I do. But weren't you planning to get in the water? It's good weather for it. Nice and hot."

"Yes, but…it's no fun going alone, and you don't really like the ocean…"

Jane smiled. "I'll get in the water with you."

"You will?"

"Of course. It's your special birthday getaway, and I love you, and I want you to have fun. But you'd better take your coverup off."

"It's a kaftan," said Maura.

"Whatever. Take it off!"

Maura unfastened the kaftan and slipped it off her shoulders, leaving her in just the bikini, her belly sticking out. The bump had been growing slowly over the past couple of months and was still at a nice, manageable size, but she'd be hitting her third trimester before long and she said growth would speed up at that point. Jane thought she looked amazing in the bikini, and she was very proud to take her hand and stroll to the edge of the water with her. When she dipped her toes in, however, Maura let out a small squeal.

"It's cold," she said.

"You'll get used to it," said Jane. "Come on, follow me." She stepped into the water and then jumped back. "Holy… That _is_ cold."

Maura laughed. "You'll get used to it!" she promised. She bravely took a few steps forwards, getting in up to her calves. "Come on," she said.

"I'll just dip my toes in for a second," said Jane.

"It'll take forever if you do it that way! You have to just jump in and then adjust." She stepped a little further out, the water now up to her knees. A wave came along and got her thighs wet as well, causing her to let out a small shriek of surprise. The wave finished by lapping around Jane's ankles.

"I'll just stand here and wait for the water to come to me," said Jane.

"Okay." Bending over, Maura splashed her. "That water's coming to you!"

"Are you serious?" said Jane. "I bet you think I wouldn't get revenge on a pregnant lady, but you'd be wrong." She stormed forwards. Maura yelped and ran further into the oncoming waves to get away from her, but Jane quickly caught up and splashed water onto Maura's head and shoulders. Maura turned around and splashed her back, then turned to run before Jane could retaliate, but she slipped and went underwater.

Without a moment's thought, Jane went right under after her, grabbing the blonde and pulling her back above water. Maura spluttered a bit, then said, "Jane, I could have gotten back up on my own."

"I know you could have," said Jane. "But a little reminder doesn't hurt."

"A reminder of what?"

"That I'll always be here to catch you if you fall."

Maura smiled.

~R&I~

When they'd finished splashing around, the two women returned to the sand, where they wrapped themselves up in their towels and huddled together until the sun made them warm again. Then Jane noticed people eating fancy ice cream sundaes and asked where they got them. They were from a little shop in the hotel, so she went off and brought back two sundaes, then enjoyed watching Maura hungrily devour hers (whatever Maura said, Jane was convinced Tori liked junk food).

"We should probably go in and get cleaned up before dinner," Jane suggested when they had finished their ice cream. "I mean, I know we just ate, but…"

Maura looked at her. "You said when we got back to the room that I could…"

Jane chuckled. "Okay. We'll go back to the room, get down and dirty, work up an appetite, and then get cleaned up for dinner."

Maura broke into a grin. "Sounds like a plan!"

As soon as they got up to the room, Maura went for Jane's bikini, eagerly peeling it off. Jane hurried to take off Maura's as well, falling on top of the covers with her. She adored making love to Maura, not just for the obvious reasons, but because it gave her a chance to show Maura how much she cherished her. She liked to take her time, moving all around the blonde's body to make every last part of her feel adored. She did that now, kneeling before Maura as she lay on her left side (the preferred position for pregnant women) and gently caressing her gorgeous curves as she bent to take a stiff nipple in her mouth. Maura, however, had other ideas, and she pulled Jane to lie down beside her so she could have full access.

"Oh, my Jane, you're so beautiful," she whispered, her hands roaming Jane's naked body. "I've always thought so. I love how you're so strong and you can outdo the men at nearly everything, but you're still so feminine. You're absolutely perfect."

 _She's making me feel the way I try to make her feel_ , Jane realized. She had never felt this cherished and adored before herself, had never even let herself dream about it much. This wasn't just the most beautiful relationship she had ever been in; it was the most beautiful she had ever seen.

"Okay, how do you want to play this?" Jane asked. Their positions were limited, since Maura wasn't supposed to lie on her back due to some artery that would be compressed or some such thing. Jane didn't mind; it was an honor just to be here, and their current limits would only make future after-baby sex that much more exciting.

"Mutual cunnilingus," Maura said decisively. You had to hand it to her; she was a woman who knew exactly what she wanted. Jane readily turned herself upside down, resting her head on Maura's soft thigh and taking her into her mouth. She moaned softly as she felt Maura's tongue on her own clit, and Maura let out her own cry in response, her voice vibrating against Jane, sending another wave of pleasure through her. And so they both went at it, licking at sucking and rocking and singing out their pleasure until they both went over the edge and then collapsed, gasping. When Jane could move again, she righted herself, resting her head on the pillow and automatically reaching one hand to touch the spot where the baby was.

"She's moving. I can feel her," Maura remarked serenely. "Give me your hand. Her kicks are getting stronger, so you might be able to feel it."

"Really?" Jane anxiously offered her hand, and Maura placed it on her belly. There was a pause, and then Jane thought she felt the gentlest of taps. "Was that her? I think I felt it, but I might have imagined it."

"See if she does it again," said Maura, and they both held their breath. There were two more teeny, tiny taps beneath Jane's hand. "Did you feel it?" Maura asked.

"I felt it!" Overwhelmed, Jane knelt by Maura's stomach, planting a kiss in the spot where she'd just felt the kicking. "My little Tori, I love you so much! I'm so glad I can feel your little feet now!" She looked up at Maura. "Can she even hear me out here?"

Maura giggled. "She may be able to hear you, at least a little bit. She can hear me the best. My voice, my heartbeat, even noises in my stomach."

"This is almost like having a crush. I'm nuts about her, but I'm not sure she even knows I'm alive."

"To be fair, I'm not sure she knows anything out here exists. The only world she knows is inside my womb."

"Aww, you're her whole universe! She thinks you're the universe!" Jane crawled back up to the pillows and kissed her girlfriend. "She and I have something in common. You're _my_ universe too."

"Jane," Maura said fondly, a pleased smile on her face. Her fingers circled her belly lovingly, as was her habit now. "Her hearing will develop more over the next few weeks though. She'll become more and more aware of outside sounds, and soon she'll likely start reacting to them. She already moves around more when I talk."

"She knows her mommy." Jane kissed her again. "It all happens so fast, doesn't it? She seems to change drastically in just a few weeks."

"Well, she only has nine months to develop from a single cell into a complete human being, so everything has to happen fast."

"It's so amazing," said Jane, her fingers tracing Maura's belly. "Thank you for letting me be part of this."

"I don't think I could do it without you."

"I bet you could, if you had to."

"Well, I certainly don't want to."

Jane smiled. "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."

~R&I~

It rained the next day, so there was no going to the beach, but they didn't have to worry about getting bored. Maura dragged Jane out of bed first thing to go swimming in the hotel's indoor pool, and then they spent the rest of the day in their room, mostly in bed, although Maura did work on her writing for a while. At bedtime, Maura ran a bath, and Jane watched from the bedroom as she lay back with a book, turning on the jets so the water frothed and foamed around her.

"I wasn't expecting you to just watch me this long," Maura observed after a bit. "You know you can join me if you want."

"The game is on," said Jane indignantly, indicating the television.

"I can hear it, but I haven't seen you look at it in the past several minutes."

Jane sighed in resignation. "I know. I don't even know what the score is. What have you _done_ to me?" She turned off the TV and stood up, unbuttoning the nice shirt she'd worn to dinner. She noticed Maura's interest and slowed the process teasingly.

"Jane," Maura admonished, "the water's going to turn cold before you get in at this rate."

"No it's not, you're just impatient. Because you're _horny_!" Jane threw her shirt open and shrugged it off, then unfastened her pants and let them fall. Maura bit her lip. "Okay, you have to tuck dollars into my panties if you want to see more."

"I don't have my purse!" Maura exclaimed in distress.

Jane laughed, reaching back to undo her bra. "I'm just kidding. You get this show for free." She stepped out of her underwear and moved towards the tub. "Now, you better scoot forwards so I can get behind you, because there's already a baby sitting in front."

"Not to mention that you're taller than me and I won't be able to see my book if you get in front of me," said Maura, dutifully moving forwards.

Jane carefully climbed into the tub behind her. "You're going to keep reading even now that you've got me naked?"

"Well, I just wanted to finish this chapter," Maura giggled, leaning back against her.

"Fine. You finish that, while I play with these." Jane reached for Maura's big, beautiful breasts, which were currently nice and slick with soap bubbles. Her fingers easily slipped around and around, caressing soft skin and teasing nipples. Maura moaned softly, still trying to read her book, until she couldn't anymore.

"Okay!" she said suddenly, putting her book down with a bang. "I need you to touch me!"

"I _am_ touching you," said Jane, hiding a smile.

"I need you to touch my clitoris!" Maura grabbed Jane's left hand and placed it in the desired location. "I want you to bring me to orgasm."

"I love it when you get bossy," said Jane, holding the blonde close as she followed orders, moving around her clit in ever-tightening circles. As Maura's cries grew louder, her hips rocking forward as if searching for more, Jane brought her other hand down and entered her while still working her clit. As her climax took her, Maura threw her head back, crying out her pleasure as she teased her own nipples. It was hot. Jane didn't even care that Maura wasn't touching her right now, because just watching her in the throes of ecstasy was enough.

Maura finally relaxed in Jane's arms, gasping for air. "Oh, Jane," she whispered. "I always knew you'd be good in bed."

Jane snorted. "Did you now?"

"Yes! I've seen the passion that you put into your job and into standing up for what you believe is right, and I've always felt that if you brought that same passion into the bedroom that it would be _so_ hot."

Jane laughed. "And is it?"

"It is! Jane, you're my favorite person that I've ever had sex with. Part of that's because I love you the most, but you're also so _sexy_." She threw her head back and kissed her. "I know it's not my birthday for a few more hours, but you've already made it the best ever. Thank you."

"It's a privilege," Jane promised her.

~R&I~

Jane woke first on the following morning, Maura's fortieth birthday. She liked to be first to wake up because then she could ease Maura's waking a bit. Sometimes she had bad dreams, and sometimes she woke up not knowing if she was safe. To prevent this, Jane would watch her face for the first signs of stirring and then she would be there, kissing her cheek or some such thing to make sure her first awareness was of being loved. She didn't want there to be even a second when she thought she might be with Joe Harris again.

This morning was no exception. The second Maura's eyes started to open, Jane was there, peppering her face with kisses. "Happy birthday!" she said softly.

Maura smiled. "Jane," she said fondly.

"Forty looks good on you, already. You look beautiful."

"Thank you." Maura turned in Jane's arms and stretched. "I had a good dream."

"Really? What was it about?"

"You."

Jane smiled. "What was I doing that was so great?"

"You gave me what I wanted most for my birthday."

"Yeah? Was that a trip to Shakespeare in the Park? Cause I was gonna take you there tonight."

"That sounds lovely, but no."

"Dinner at an oyster bar? Cause I was going to do that too."

"I love oysters, but that wasn't it."

"Afternoon in our own private beach cabana? Morning at the spa?"

"It sounds like you have an amazing day planned, but the thing you gave me in the dream wasn't just for a day."

"I have presents, too."

"It was sort of a present."

"Well what was it? If I don't have it yet, I'll get it. What do you want the most?"

Maura looked up at her shyly. "I want you to marry me."

"You…you do?"

Maura nodded. "I already know I want to be with you for the rest of my life, and if we get married before the baby comes, your name can be on the birth certificate along with mine. That would mean a lot to me."

Jane nodded. "It would mean a lot to me too."

"So do you want to do it?"

"Yeah, of course! Maura, I would _love_ to marry you. I'll marry the hell out of you."

Maura grinned, her eyes sparkling. "Really? Oh, Jane, that's the best birthday present you could have given me!" She wrapped her arms around Jane's neck and kissed her.

"I wish I'd known you wanted this. I could have gotten you a ring."

"That's okay, we'll just shop for wedding rings when we get home. We should try to have the wedding within the next month or two, which isn't going to be easy."

"We'll see what we can pull together. I know Korsak will let us use the Robber for the reception, the ceremony too if you want. It won't be your dream wedding, but…"

"Marrying you _is_ my dream. I'm happy to just have a small, simple ceremony with the people we're closest to. The important thing is getting it done while she's still in here—" she patted her belly, "—so you can have legal parenting rights from the very beginning."

Jane grinned. "I like that. So, we're really doing this?"

Maura kissed her again. "I think we are."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Maura's energy was starting to flag a bit now that she had reached six months of pregnancy, but she had so much to do! They had to pull the wedding together as quickly as possible, because what if the baby came early? They could always do a second-parent adoption, but Maura didn't like the thought of there being any period of time in which Jane wasn't Victoria's mother in the eyes of the law. Her daughter was going to come into the world to find two loving parents waiting for her, and Maura would be damned if she would let the law fail to recognize them as such.

"I've made the essential guest list," Maura said while resting on the coach one weekend. "All we need are our closest family and friends, and we can send online invitations since we don't have time for paper ones. With such a small guest list, I think we could easily hold the wedding at Boston Common. We just need to file for a permit. It would give us a lovely backdrop, and I've always wanted an outdoor wedding. Plus, it's so close, we could get ready at home and just walk over."

"Sounds good to me. We could still have the reception at the Dirty Robber. I know Korsak would be happy to let us do it, and it's a place that means a lot to us, just like the Common. We've spent a lot of time together in both places."

"Yes, that would be perfect. We can get a restaurant to cater, and your mom and Korsak can bartend. We don't need a wedding registry, because we already have everything we need. People can save their money for the baby shower. The tricky part is going to be finding dresses in time, especially since I need a maternity gown."

"I'm happy with something simple, but I know you probably have a vision of what you want me to wear. And I'll wear whatever makes you happy, but you know what? One day, I am going to give you that dream wedding you talked about. We'll renew our vows, do everything the way you imagined. Cause I know we need to do this now for Tori, but there's no reason you should miss out on what you've always wanted."

"What we have right now is enough for me," Maura promised her. "So, she's due November 28. How would you feel about October second for the wedding?"

Jane sat down on the couch and put her arms around Maura. " _Any_ date sounds perfect for marrying you."

Maura leaned against her. "It might not be our dream wedding, but I still think it's going to be perfect. I'm just happy to have you."

"I'm happy to have both my girls," said Jane, placing a hand on Maura's stomach.

Grinning, Maura leaned back and swung her legs onto Jane's lap. "I'm having muscle cramps again. Can you—"

"Yeah, of course." Jane began massaging Maura's legs. She had no formal training, but her touch still helped.

Maura looked down at her growing belly. "I still have moments when I worry about what she'll be like," she admitted softly. "What if it's just wishful thinking to expect her to take after me?"

"She's growing inside your body, listening to your heart beat," said Jane.

"That doesn't make her any more likely to display my genetic characteristics."

"No, but doesn't environment play a significant role in gene expression?"

Maura looked up in surprise. "You've been listening to me!"

Jane laughed gently. "Of course I have. And I have faith that we can give this little girl the sort of stable, loving environment that will make her much more likely to turn out like _you_."

"I feel narcissistic for saying it, but I really hope she looks like me."

"So do I, but I would hope that no matter who the biological father was." Jane leaned over and kissed her, then resumed her massage work. "It's completely normal to feel anxious about the baby, though. It says in your pregnancy books that most expectant mothers worry that something could be wrong with the baby. Anyone would be scared of stuff going wrong, and you're still recovering from a really serious trauma while trying to get ready for motherhood. I'm not sure how many people could even handle it, but look at you! You're doing it!"

Maura smiled. "You've been reading my pregnancy books?"

"When you fall asleep on my arm and I'm still wide awake, I have to read whatever I can reach." Jane shrugged. "Besides, I'm preparing for motherhood too."

"Yes, you are. And you're going to be amazing at it." Maura set aside her wedding planning checklist and picked up her baby planning binder. "So, we should start looking at nannies soon."

"Nannies?" Jane wrinkled her nose. "What does she need a nanny for? She has Grandma Rizzoli."

"I'm sure your mom would be happy to babysit, but we need someone to take care of her while we're at work all day. I've looked at a few agencies, but I have to admit, the idea of putting her in the hands of a stranger terrifies me."

"I don't like it either," said Jane. "But we don't have to decide now, do we? She's not due for another three months, and we have maternity leave."

"That's true. I'm applying for 12 weeks of maternity leave after the birth."

"I guess I need to look into seeing how much I can get," said Jane thoughtfully. "I want to be here with you, and with her. I want us to divide up the duties as much as we can, so neither of us is too overwhelmed."

"I think the three of us are going to enjoy our time together," smiled Maura.

"Oh, we're gonna have a blast."

The back door opened and Angela came in. "Hi girls. What are you up to?"

"Massaging leg cramps," Jane replied.

"Oh, I could never get your father to do that for me! You're so wonderful to Maura, Janie. You're twice the man he ever was."

"Thanks, I think," said Jane. "Where have you been?"

"I've…well, I've been looking at apartments."

"What? Why?" Maura asked.

"Well, I've lived here happily for six years, but I have a good job now. I can afford to live on my own, and you two are getting married, having a baby. Nobody wants their mother, or mother-in-law, in the house when they're starting a family. I just feel like an extra wheel."

"Oh, Ma, you're not," said Jane. "At least get a place close by. We want to be able to see you a lot, and Tori needs her Grandma."

"I can't really afford Beacon Hill," said Angela.

"We can help you," said Maura. "I don't want you to go far away." And then, to her embarrassment, she started to cry.

"Oh, Maura, I didn't mean to upset you," said Angela.

"It's okay, Ma," said Jane, handing Maura a tissue. "It's the pregnancy hormones. She cried over a dog food commercial last night."

"He got old," sniffed Maura. "He was a puppy in the beginning, but then he got old." She looked up at Angela. "Everything's changing so fast."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere right away," Angela promised. "I'm just looking around. But these are good changes, Maura. You're about to have a family of your own."

"I know, but it's a lot to adjust to." Maura wiped her tears away as Jane pulled her into a tight hug, rubbing her back.

"It's a good thing you don't have to do it alone, huh?" said Jane.

"No matter where I live, you know I'm gonna be here all the time to see my little granddaughter," Angela assured her, walking around the couch to join in the hug.

"Oh, Ma, you know I hate group hugs!" Jane groaned.

"Shut up, Maura needs this," Angela scolded, hugging them both tighter. Maura laughed.

~R&I~

A few weeks later, Jane took an undercover assignment that required her to go to a women's prison. Angela berated her for doing something so dangerous when she had a baby on the way, but Korsak said he would only let her stay for a couple of days, so Maura tried not to complain. She knew how driven Jane was to solve the case, as she was with any case. She was marrying a cop, the best cop in Boston, and that meant having to deal with certain things. She could handle it. She was not going to become a nagging wife.

Still, being without Jane, without a way to even contact her, was hard. Maura put in extra hours at work even though she was tired because she was reluctant to go home to an empty house. The first night, she woke with a start several times after reaching for Jane and only finding empty space. Jane called her briefly the next day, but she had to talk in code, so Maura couldn't tell if she was okay. She gathered that Jane wanted details on the case, which Maura gladly gave, and then Jane mumbled something about wishing she had gummy bears. Maura smiled and said that Victoria was fine, still kicking. Then they got cut off, and Maura was left to wait and worry.

That night she went to bed alone again, reading her childcare books until she could no longer hold her eyes open. She went to sleep facing the spot where Jane should be, cradling her belly.

A few hours later, she woke suddenly, having heard a sound behind her. She opened her eyes in the dark and listened: footsteps! Soft footsteps, like someone was trying to walk undetected, but footsteps nonetheless. Someone was in the house, and on a night when Jane wasn't here!

Maura sat bolt upright, groping on the nightstand for something she could use as a weapon. All she found was a book. Holding the book like a shield, she stepped out of bed, fumbling for the lamp switch.

"Maura, it's me!" came a voice from the darkness, the most wonderful voice in the world.

"Jane?" Maura switched on the lamp, and there was her fiancée, standing right in front of her. "Oh, Jane!" She ran forward and threw her arms around the taller woman, standing on tiptoe to kiss her.

"I got sprung," Jane said happily when Maura finally broke the kiss. "I can't even begin to tell you how much I missed you. I'm never doing that again."

"Going undercover in prison?"

"Going undercover _anywhere_ overnight. I've gotten too used to sleeping with you in my arms."

"Me too! I missed you so much, and I was so worried!" Maura stepped back and noticed an enormous bruise on Jane's forehead. "Jane, someone hurt you!"

"It's nothing."

"It looks like a pretty nasty bruise to me." Maura traced the bruise lightly with her fingers.

"It's fine. Now that I'm with you, I'm gonna be just fine."

"Well, at least you get to sleep in our bed tonight."

"Yeah, but I think I should take a shower first. I feel pretty gross from being in prison."

"I know the feeling," said Maura wryly. "I'll wait here."

But she couldn't wait. As she listened to the water running in the shower, she felt overcome with longing for the woman she loved. She crept into the bathroom and watched Jane lathering up, admiring her long, lithe form. Whatever Jane thought of herself, Maura believed firmly that she was the most beautiful woman in the entire world. Just watching her filled Maura with desire, so she slipped out of her nightgown and opened the glass door, stepping into the shower behind Jane.

"Mm, couldn't wait after all?" Jane murmured as she saw her.

"No." Maura picked up Jane's shampoo and squirted the fruity-scented gel onto Jane's head, working it through her curls with both hands. She loved Jane's hair, had spent years longing to just bury her fingers in that glorious mane, and she reveled in being able to do it now. She worked the suds back out and gently applied conditioner before letting her hands roam over slick olive skin. "You're so beautiful," she said softly, pressing her body against Jane's, the swell of her belly in the small of Jane's back. She traced the tattoo she'd painted on Jane for the assignment, kissing Jane's shoulders. "You look so sexy with this," she whispered. Her hand slipped downwards to Jane's soft folds, caressing and stroking until her fingers found Jane's wet center and slid inside. She heard Jane gasp and began working her slowly, moving in and out in measured strokes, until Jane began moving her hips in a desperate attempt to take her in deeper, sooner. Maura sped up, moving faster and faster until she was almost in a frenzy, and then she felt Jane close up around her, raspy cries echoing off the shower walls.

"Damn, I missed that," said Jane hoarsely, turning around to face Maura. "I thought of you nonstop while I was in that prison. I can't handle being without you anymore."

"You didn't find a prison wife?" Maura teased. "I bet there were women who wanted you."

"Well, I didn't even let them get close, because there's only one woman I have eyes for." She took Maura's head in her hands, tilted it back, and kissed her fiercely. When her tongue passed Maura's lips, the blonde felt an anticipatory thrill in a completely different part of her body, suddenly craving that kind of penetration. She took Jane's hand and placed it between her legs, urging her to forget the preliminaries and just dive in, which Jane did. Maura _needed_ Jane inside of her, needed the woman she loved to become a part of her, for their bodies to fuse into one so they could never be separated again. She clung to her as she moved in and out, in and out, faster and fast until Maura's own cries were echoing from the walls, her body filled with sweetness. She nearly slipped on the slick shower floor as she lost control with the orgasm, but Jane expertly held her up.

"This is the filthiest shower I've ever taken," Jane said with a grin as she carefully withdrew her fingers. "Let's rinse off and move this party to the bedroom, shall we?"

Maura stepped out of the shower and began drying herself off, her eyes glued to Jane.

"You look even sexier than I remember," Jane remarked, smiling fondly at her as she toweled her hair.

"Really? I feel so fat," sighed Maura.

"Fat? You're not fat. You're pregnant. This belly isn't _you_ ; it's Tori. And I think carrying our child makes you look hotter than ever."

Maura couldn't resist smiling. "You really think so?"

"I really, really do." Jane kissed her. "I mean it. I'm never taking an assignment like that again. I'm used to just jumping at everything, but I can't do that anymore. I have a family that needs me to come home in one piece, and you know what? I need you ladies too. I can't go a day without you, ever again."

Maura felt like she was releasing a breath she hadn't even realized she was holding. "Jane, it means a lot to hear you say that."

Jane shrugged. "Work has been my top priority for a long time, but it can't be anymore. I have two bigger priorities."

"So no more jumping off bridges?"

"No more jumping off bridges. Unless you or Tori fall off one."

Maura kissed her again. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I should be the one thanking you, for being mine. For letting her be mine."

Jane got into bed, looking grateful to have someplace comfortable to sleep again, and Maura eagerly snuggled up to her. They both slept soundly for the remainder of the night.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The wind picked up and a few leaves blew off the trees, skittering around the Parkman Bandstand. It was a beautiful day on the Common, and there was an even more beautiful woman walking beside Jane.

"Just two more weeks before we come here to say our vows," Maura said happily, leaning her head against Jane's shoulder.

"I know. It's creeping up on us." Jane hugged the blonde close and kissed her head. "By the time we get back, it'll be time for the baby shower to start."

"Let's start walking then. You know I don't move very fast!"

It was true. Maura was seven months along now, and she wore down quickly. It was a shame that she had so much to work on all the time now. There was so much to do with their whirlwind wedding sneaking up on them. Last week they'd planned out their ceremony to the last detail, booked a hotel suite in the Berkshires for their mini-honeymoon (or so Jane had come to think of it; of course their real honeymoon would be abroad, but they would have to wait a few years, until Tori was old enough to be left with her Grandma for a while), and ordered their wedding rings. Jane had consented to the ring Maura most wanted – a gold band encircled with tiny diamonds – even though it was fancier than anything she would have picked. Jane was happy to wear anything that permanently linked her to Maura, and they'd already had to scale the wedding down so much from what Maura had really wanted. The least Jane could do was give her the perfect ring.

But today was all about little Tori. As they walked past the park's carousel, from which issued the laughter of various children, Jane caught Maura watching wistfully and squeezed her hand. "Before you know it, we'll be bringing Tori here to ride the carousel," she told her.

"Yes!" said Maura. "And we can show her the spot where we got married."

"We'll have lots of stories to tell her." She gave Maura's hand another squeeze. "You know all those things you were worried about at first, about Tori coming home from nursery school and asking where her daddy is?"

"Yes, and trying to find an age-appropriate way to explain that I was raped."

"But that was when you thought you were gonna be a single mother. I don't think you have to worry about that now. She has two mommies, and she'll probably know other kids with two mommies, so why would she even wonder about her father? If she asks, we'll tell her some kids have two moms instead of a mom and dad. When she gets older, she'll assume we used a sperm donor, and by the time she's old enough to ask for details on her sperm donor, if she ever does, she'll probably be old enough to understand the whole story."

"You're right. You may have spared me from trying to find a way to explain sexual assault to a five-year-old."

"At least in that kind of detail. I mean, I'm a cop, I believe little kids need to know their private parts are private and to tell someone if somebody tries to touch them inappropriately. If someone even thought about doing that to my daughter, I'd—"

"Handle it the way you handled Joe Harris?"

Jane smiled. "You're damn right I would. How's she doing in there, anyway? Is she moving or sleeping?"

"Sleeping, I think. My walking seems to lull her to sleep."

"She's probably resting up for her big party."

"Well, if she kicks during the party, you're the only one I'm going to tell. I don't want everyone crowding around and putting their hands on me."

"I'll guard you." Jane had been appalled by how many people had put their hands on Maura's stomach without even asking her first since she'd gotten big, and she saw it as her duty to ward them off. Poor Maura had gone through enough degradation at Joe Harris's hands; Jane wasn't about to let her go through any more, however small.

Maura was a little out of breath by the time they got back to the house. This was normal for her now, a consequence of the growing baby starting to crowd her lungs, but it bothered Jane. Any of the unpleasant pregnancy stuff bothered her. When all was well and they were just feeling the baby move, she was ecstatic. This pregnancy was something they owned, and the baby was theirs. But when she saw Maura out of breath or uncomfortable, anger would bloom in her chest as she thought, _he did this to her_. She supposed what she wanted was the impossible: for Maura to experience all the joyful little moments of pregnancy without any of the bad stuff. While the pleasant moments were theirs alone, the less pleasant ones made her feel like Harris and Sands were still hurting Maura.

A few of the shower guests were already there when they got in. Maura's eyes went immediately to one guest she hadn't been expecting: Constance Isles. "Mom!" she gasped. "I didn't know you were coming all the way here just for my shower!"

"I had to rearrange my schedule, but it's my first grandchild, darling. I wouldn't miss it," Constance said, stepping forwards to give her daughter a kiss on each cheek. "I thought it would be fun to surprise you."

"If I'd known, I would have cleaned the house," said Maura, eyes widening in fear as she glanced around the spotless foyer.

"And that's exactly why we didn't tell you," Jane said "We didn't want you to drive yourself crazy trying to make the house perfect for your mother. You've been doing too much as it is."

"Come look at the decorations!" exclaimed Angela. "They look gorgeous."

The women stepped into the living room and were greeted by a profusion of pink and green. The walls were hung with some gauzy fabric, and a special skirt that looked like a giant tutu had been placed around the sideboard. On the sideboard were elaborate flower arrangements surrounded by glowing candles, a cake in the center with a big crown on it as if to signal that a royal baby was on the way, and an array of snacks (which Maura was already eyeing). The table was set with an elegant ivory tablecloth and a sparkly gold table runner, each place set with a shiny gold plate and a pink cloth napkin wrapping up gold silverware. There was another flower arrangement in the middle, flanked by two framed pictures. One was from their engagement session and showed Jane and Maura in the park, both their hands on Maura's pregnant belly. The other frame held a picture from the 20-week ultrasound.

There was another frilly skirt surrounding the kitchen counter, which had been set up with activities for guests. There was a stack of papers, each with a letter of the alphabet, and a collection of markers, inviting guests to choose a letter and draw an illustration for it, so they could all be made into a complete alphabet book for the baby. There was a little wooden box with a bunch of slips of paper and a sign that read _2034 Time Capsule: Write a prediction of what you think Victoria will be when she grows up! To be opened on her 18_ _th_ _birthday!_ There were also little fill-in-the-blank notes for guests to write to Jane and Maura, detailing who they were, where they came from, and their wishes for the baby, so they would always remember who came to the shower. There was even a photo booth set up with goofy baby-themed props.

In the living room, a sparkly gold cloth was draped over the coffee table, which was piled high with gifts (some larger gifts were set to the side, over by the fireplace). The fireplace bore more flowers and candles, and above the mantle hung two banners. One read _WELCOME BABY GIRL_ and the other read _CONGRATULATIONS JANE AND MAURA_.

"Wow, Ma," said Jane. "This looks…expensive. You didn't buy all this, did you?"

"Of course not! I can't throw a baby shower for my own grandchild!" insisted Angela. "I was planning to throw it before I knew it would be my grandchild, of course, but when I found out, I called Constance with my dilemma, and she told me she had a friend in Boston, a retired art professor at Harvard, who knew Maura when she was little and loved planning parties. So she did most of the work, but I gave her some input, of course."

Jane didn't doubt that Angela had plenty of "input," but there was not a paper plate in sight, so the knowledge and budget of Constance's friend must have won out.

"It looks beautiful!" Maura gushed. "Thank you, all of you!"

"It was Heather Zimmerman who planned the shower, and I think she did a lovely job," Constance told Maura. "You remember her, don't you? She used to attend my dinner parties."

"Yes, I remember her! She was always nice."

"Yes, it was very kind of her to do this. She's here, of course, just stepped into the powder room. She doesn't know how the baby was conceived," Constance added in a low voice. "Most people just assume you and Jane used a sperm donor. It's probably best to let them think that. Of course I believe the upbringing is all that matters, but some people would feel…differently, if they knew the truth."

"Yes, I suppose so," Maura agreed uncertainly.

"Well, if anyone were to judge the baby based on things that aren't her fault, I would say they don't deserve to know her anyway," said Jane. "But Maura certainly has the right to decide who she will and won't share personal information with. Sit down, I'll get you some snacks," she said, turning to her fiancée. She helped Maura to the couch, went to the sideboard, and piled a plate with cookies and fruit. By the time she returned to the couch and handed the plate to a grateful Maura, more guests were arriving, including Hope. Maura tried to get to her feet upon seeing her birth mother, but Jane held her back.

"It's okay, I'll come to you," Hope assured her, setting her gift down and coming to the couch to hug Maura. "I know how hard it can be to get up when you're this pregnant."

"Cailin didn't come?" asked Maura.

"No. She, uh, she couldn't make it." Hope looked nervous, and Jane guessed that Cailin _could_ have made it if she'd wanted to.

"We don't need her," Jane said softly. "We're going to have fun without her."

"I just hoped she was…feeling differently, now," Maura said.

Hope smiled grimly. "I'm afraid she still doesn't think this is anything to…celebrate, but I'm sure she'll come around."

Hope looked around for a place to sit just as Constance took the spot next to Maura, and Jane realized the drama wasn't over yet: Maura's two mothers had never met each other.

"Oh, Mom, I haven't introduced you to my birth mother, Hope," said Maura, realizing the same thing. Jane noticed Maura's face turning red as Hope reached out to shake Constance's hand.

"Maura's told me only good things about you," said Hope. "Clearly you did a wonderful job raising her. She's a truly amazing person."

"Well, I can see where she gets her good looks from," said Constance graciously, but Jane noted that she seemed eager to drop Hope's hand. She reclaimed the seat next to Maura, sending a clear signal that _she_ was the real mother here. Angela took the spot on Jane's other side, and Hope found a chair facing them.

Once everyone had arrived, they set about playing silly games while eating the snacks, and then caterers arrived – caterers! – and set up a fancy lunch, so everyone moved to the dining table. After lunch and cake, they moved back to the living room for the part Jane was most looking forward to: opening presents. She knew they'd get a lot of expensive stuff from Maura's rich friends and relatives, but at least there would be some more down-to-Earth presents from the Rizzoli side as well. Anyway, it was fun to open things, and she knew Maura would have fun organizing it all later.

Angela quickly appointed herself as the official present-passer-outer. "These are from Frankie and Tommy," she said, passing over two wrapped packages.

"Great," said Jane, tearing into one while Maura carefully unwrapped the other. One held a pair of wooden Red Sox rattles, while the other was a wooden Patriots helmet on wheels with a string to pull it by. "Ahh, I love it!" Jane squealed. "Gotta teach the kid an appreciation for the finer things in life early."

Maura gave her a wry smile. "Well, she _is_ your child too. No one will doubt that now."

Next Angela passed over one of the presents from herself, which turned out to be a sort of C-shaped cushion called a Boppy. Maura had insisted when they made the registry that this was essential baby gear.

"I'm still not sure what this is for," said Jane.

"It has multiple uses," Maura insisted. "When she's nursing, I can use it to rest my arm on, and you can when you're giving her a bottle. It can also be used to prop her up in different positions when she's too small to sit up on her own."

"Maybe I just need to see it in action so I can understand," said Jane dubiously.

"You will soon enough!" said Angela, passing over two more presents. "These are from Constance."

Maura unwrapped one small box, revealing a teeny gold bracelet with _Victoria_ engraved on it.

"Look, Maura! Now we don't have to worry about forgetting her name!" Jane said, unwrapping the other present. This one was matching silver spoon and egg cup. "Oh, wow. She's literally going to be born with a silver spoon in her mouth."

"It's very lovely, Mom," said Maura. "She'll look darling with this bracelet."

"And she can eat eggs out of a cup," said Jane. "I've never even done that."

"You haven't?" said Maura, giving her a puzzled look. "Then how do you eat hard boiled eggs?"

"I just eat them."

"On a plate?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"How do you keep the egg from rolling around?"

"I hold it with my other hand."

Maura appeared stunned by this information, but Angela quickly moved things forward by handing them more gifts to unwrap. They ended up getting all kinds of stuff. There were tiny shoes and tiny designer dresses, a set of little padded hangers to put the tiny dresses on, bibs that looked too fancy to mess up, little blankets, soft dolls, odd and end baby toys including that ubiquitous rubber giraffe, a crib mobile, a baby video monitor, a really fancy stroller, and all the onesies they could ever need. Constance dutifully marked down everything they opened and who it was from so they could send thank-you notes later.

They had just opened the last gift when Jane produced a very small box and handed it to Maura. "Oh, look, we forgot one!" she exclaimed in mock surprise. "I think you should open it."

Maura gave her a knowing smile. "It's from you, isn't it?"

"Maybe."

"Janie, you don't need to buy a baby shower gift for your own baby," Angela admonished.

"It's not for the baby. It's for her mommy."

Maura opened the box to find a gold necklace with a rose quartz pendant delicately carved in the shape of a rose. There were matching earrings in the box as well. "Oh, Jane…"

"Tori got lots of pretty things today, but her mommy deserves to feel pretty too," said Jane softly. She gave Maura a kiss on the cheek.

Jane could see tears welling in Maura's eyes. It certainly didn't take much to make that happen right now, with her hormones raging like crazy. To ward them off, Jane fastened the necklace on her and exclaimed over how beautiful she looked. The shower guests agreed.

"You really are the most thoughtful person I know," Maura told her. "I didn't get you anything!"

"Well, you got me a baby, so I'd say that's more than enough," Jane reasoned. "I could give you presents for the rest of your life and it would never make up for that."

Maura smiled.

When the guests had left, Jane and Maura hauled as much baby stuff as they could carry upstairs to put away while Angela and Constance started picking up downstairs, chatting happily about their shared grandbaby.

"Well, it was kind of tense having both Hope and Constance here, but I think they handled it well," said Jane. "It sorta felt like they were sizing each other up all afternoon, but I guess you can't blame them for that. And maybe they got it all out of their system today so they won't need to be so tense at the wedding."

"Victoria should be grateful that _her_ two mothers will be married to each other," said Maura wearily. "She'll never have to put up with that kind of tension, or all the conflicting feelings that come with having two very different sets of parents."

"And she'll never have to freak out that her moms are coming to visit or feel awkward around us."

"Do you think she'll move far away from us when she grows up?" Maura asked sadly.

"Well, I guess it's possible, but it won't be because she wants to get away from us. Why would she want to get away from us? We're like, the coolest moms ever."

Maura smiled sadly. "Well, I know I won't look for things to criticize about her, the way my mother always did with me. And I'll never let her think for a second that I regret having her."

"She's never going to doubt that we love her more than anything in the world." Jane knelt in front of the elegantly carved toybox and began piling in new toys. The kid certainly wasn't going to be bored, although her parents might need earplugs when she got old enough to enjoy the box of musical instruments. She decided to leave a particularly cute teddy bear sitting out on top of the toybox, and then she stood and looked at Maura, who had gone quiet.

Maura was arranging a few items on the dresser: a wooden-handled hairbrush with soft bristles, a ceramic piggy bank in the shape of a castle, a little wooden box to put her baby teeth in when they fell out. She looked like she was working extra hard to make everything look just perfect, but on closer inspection, Jane noticed there were tears running down her face.

"Maura? Honey, what's wrong?"

Maura sniffled. "I just…" She looked around the room. "Look at her nursery. Everything looks so perfect."

"It looks like it's ready for a royal baby, yes."

"It looks like a nursery for a planned baby. You would never guess that she had been conceived through violence, that I was devastated when I found out I was having her."

"That's the idea, isn't it? We just want her to feel loved. She's _our_ baby, our _wanted_ baby, and he was just the sperm donor. He's irrelevant." She put an arm around Maura. "I mean, she might have been conceived through violence, but she's going to be born through love."

"Is it going to be enough? Are we going to be able to give her the same life we'd give to a baby we'd worked to conceive?"

"Yes, of course! Why are you asking these questions?"

"Because I know some people see her differently. She's not even here yet, but people are already judging her because of how she was conceived, judging me for having her. Cailin won't come near me. Mom is supportive, but she doesn't want her friends to know all the details. Hope is being nice, but I can tell she's still worried about it. Other people say all the right things, but there's something _cautious_ in how they interact with me. Is it something I should be ashamed of?"

"What, of being raped? Considering that it wasn't your fault, no, I don't think you should be ashamed. The way you've handled it, I think, is something you should be extremely proud of. And you definitely shouldn't be ashamed of your own daughter. She's just a little baby, and none of this is her fault either."

"But will people treat her differently? It's not fair if they do. She's an innocent child. I thought I could just do this and it wouldn't matter how I got her as long as I know I want her, but what if I'm wrong? I'm afraid she'll know something's not right just from how people react to her."

"Of course we can do this. We've totally got this. And if people do treat her differently, I'll deal with them. I don't tolerate people mistreating my wife or my daughter." She hugged Maura close and kissed her cheek.

"Your wife," Maura said, unable to suppress a smile.

"That's what you'll be in two more weeks. And I take that very seriously. You know I've always been protective, but now with us tying the knot and having a baby…there is nothing I wouldn't do for you two. This is what my whole life it about now."

Maura gave her a bigger smile. "I guess I shouldn't worry too much. With you looking out for her, I don't think anyone will get by with mistreating her."

"She has both of us to protect her. She'll be fine. Really, I think she's a lucky little girl. _Look_ at this room and all this nice stuff, and her two adoring parents! And look how many people came here today to give her presents, because even if they feel weird about how she came to be, they love her and love _you_ enough to spend a hundred dollars on designer bibs for her. So I think once she's here and they really get to know her, that's she's just a regular baby, only better because she came out of you, they're all going to fall in love with her just like we already have. Even Cailin, I bet, although if she doesn't we'll just tell her to fuck off. Who needs that negativity?"

"I certainly don't," agreed Maura.

"You've been through enough shit already, and you didn't deserve any of it. From now on I'm making sure you get all the good things you deserve, and I'm making sure of that for her too." Jane kissed her soon-to-be wife tenderly.

"Speaking of good things," said Maura, "There's still cake left, isn't there?"

Jane chuckled. "Yeah, there's still cake left."

"Good, I think I'm ready for seconds."

"Come on, then, preggo. I'll get you a nice big slice."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Maura heard it before she even opened her eyes, but still she would not believe it. She heaved herself out of bed and crossed to the window, drawing back the curtain.

It was true. It could no longer be denied. It was pouring down rain, on their wedding day.

Of course, it shouldn't have been a surprise. On the news last night they'd mentioned a nor'easter coming through, but she'd hoped it would somehow miss them. They couldn't have rain today, because their wedding was outdoors!

Frantically she waddled to the TV and turned on The Weather Channel. She waited for the radar map to come on. There it was: Boston, completely obliterated by a field of dark green and yellow with some orange and red in spots. It was never going to stop. It would be coming all day!

"Jaaaane!" she wailed in despair.

The brunette sat up in bed, unruly curls hanging in her face. "What's wrong?" she asked hoarsely.

"Look at the weather!"

Jane looked. "Fucking monsoon," she remarked.

Maura burst into tears. "We were supposed to get married today!"

"Don't be ridiculous, we're still getting married today."

"In the _park_?"

Jane rubbed her face. "Maybe we can rent a tent or something."

"At such short notice? And the ground will still be muddy, plus we have to get to the park in this pouring rain! Our dresses will be ruined!"

"All right, we'll figure something out." Jane staggered out of bed. "Isn't there an Alanis Morissette song about this?"

"I don't know!"

"Oh, come on, you must have heard it. 'Isn't it ironic…it's like rai-ai-aaaaiiin, on your wedding day.'"

Maura frowned. "What's ironic about rain on your wedding day?"

"I don't know, it's just a song. It was all over the radio in the mid-nineties."

"Oh, I didn't listen to the radio much back then. I was in college."

Jane raised her eyebrows. "Right. Well, I'm gonna go downstairs and make pancakes. We should have a good breakfast on our wedding day."

Maura looked back out the window, filled with despair, but then her stomach growled, so she followed Jane downstairs. She turned on the TV down here as well as if hoping for a different weather report, although of course it was the same. It would be pouring rain all day.

"I think I have the answer," Jane said as she scraped pancakes off the griddle. "We'll just get married here."

" _Here_?"

"Yes, here. We'll decorate, and say our vows in front of the fireplace."

"Will there be enough room?"

"Might be a bit crowded, but we don't have that many people coming. We can squeeze them in, have them sit on the couch and the chairs. We were talking about places that mean something to us, but where have we had more fun, more quality time together, than in this house? This is the most special place in the world to us. Wouldn't it be meaningful to get married here?"

Maura looked around at her beloved living room. Next to the bedroom, it had to be her favorite place in the entire world. She'd worked hard to make it an ideal place of solace, rest, refuge. It was also a place of gathering, and she had spent hours and hours of one-on-one time with Jane here ever since buying the house. Those were the times she cherished most: having her favorite person all to herself. It _would_ be a fitting place to take their vows.

Jane put her arms around her from behind. "Just picture it," she said. "We'll have a fire going, candles lit all over the room, and we'll take our vows to the sound of pouring rain outside. You normally love a good nor'easter."

"I do find the sound of rain relaxing," Maura admitted.

"So let's call everyone and tell them to come to our house instead of the Common. I'll put Ma in charge of making sure no one tracks mud in. She's had a lot of practice with that."

"Okay," said Maura, finally breaking into a smile. "Really nothing has been going the way we've planned lately, but we've been making it work, haven't we?"

"Of course we have. Maybe this was how our wedding was meant to go down all along."

Once they'd finished their pancakes, they set about calling everyone to let them know the change of venue. Angela came right over and started decorating, pulling out some of the decorations from the baby shower. Constance got into action as well, calling local florists to see what they had in stock until she had several large, colorful bouquets to place around the living room. Then the two moms began moving furniture around, creating an "aisle" for the brides to walk down and arranging seating for the guests. Angela even made sandwiches for the four of them to eat for lunch, which Maura was extremely grateful for. Normally she would be too nervous to eat much on a day like today, but Victoria was hungry, and that meant she was too.

Once lunch was done, it was time to start getting ready for the ceremony. Angela, with her tendency to take over things, volunteered to let people in, seat the guests, and give instructions to the photographer, the justice of the peace, and the live musicians who would now be playing wedding music from the kitchen. Jane and Maura went their separate ways to get dressed, Constance accompanying her daughter.

"Maura darling, I know you weren't able to get a tailored gown, but you still look beautiful," Constance told her as she fastened the veil onto Maura's head. Maura was seated at her vanity, applying her makeup. If they'd had more time to plan the wedding, she would have booked professional hair and makeup artists, but it was all right. Maura was actually very good with hair and makeup, and she knew Jane would look amazing no matter what.

"Do you really think so?" Maura asked, studying her reflection.

"Of course! I know you didn't imagine getting married with this big pregnant belly, but you do look radiant."

"I feel like a bloated whale, but Jane tells me pregnant looks beautiful on me."

"And she's right. You look gorgeous. I will be very proud to walk you down the 'aisle' today, you and my granddaughter both."

"Thank you for being supportive. I know it was a bit of a shock to hear I'd gotten pregnant in this way."

Constance smiled grimly. "I couldn't sleep when I heard what had happened to you. I really never imagined…but I don't think it will affect the child in any way. It's all in the upbringing, and I've no doubt you will do an outstanding job with that. She isn't _his_ daughter at all; she's yours and Jane's."

Maura smiled. "That's how we prefer to think of it. And Jane is absolutely amazing. She takes such good care of me, and I know she'll be an incredible mother for Victoria."

"I just wish you didn't have to do such a dangerous job, now that you're going to be a mother. It worries me that you both are in danger so often."

"Oh, Mom, it's really not that bad. But we've been discussing how to be a little safer, with the baby coming. Jane's promised not to take on dangerous undercover assignments anymore, and someday I may decide to leave the medical examiner's office to focus on my writing career, if I can ever get that off the ground. We'll find a way to make it work, to make sure Victoria always has two parents. And I think both of us are safer when we're closer together."

"You two are quite the pair. I'll admit that Jane isn't the sort of person I imagined you marrying, for many reasons. But I can see how much she loves you, and how you adore her. I've known, really, from the first time I met Jane that you two were going to end up together. At the time I wondered if you were already involved and you weren't ready to tell me!"

"Really?"

"Yes! It seemed to be just a given that she was always there, and you had her mother living in your guest house! And she was _so_ protective over you. I thought you'd tell me when you were ready, but the next time I saw you, you said she was going on a date with a male FBI agent!"

Maura laughed. "Well _that_ didn't go anywhere, thankfully."

"I'm not surprised. Anyone can see you were the one she truly wanted. As long as she treats you well and makes you happy, I will gladly accept her as part of the family. My daughter-in-law – I never thought I'd have one of those!"

"Did you think you'd have a granddaughter?"

"I didn't know, and I never wanted to be one of those mothers who nags about grandchildren, but I am quite thrilled about little Victoria. You will be a better mother than I ever was."

"Mom! I would be happy just to be _as_ good."

"No, darling, you'll be better. And that little girl will never want for anything."

~R&I~

When everything was ready, Maura nervously walked downstairs with her mother. She was almost afraid that Jane wouldn't be there, that she would realize she'd made a mistake by agreeing to marry the quirky medical examiner and just slip out the back door. But there she was, waiting in the foyer with her own mother, as well as Maura's father and little T.J. in his ring bearer tux. Jane broke into an enormous grin at the sight of Maura coming down the staircase in her wedding gown, and Maura's fears instantly melted away.

Jane's own bridal gown had come from a trunk show. It was a simple gown made of ivory silk, with no embellishments. The straps were slightly off-the-shoulder, and the skirt clung to her hips while flaring farther down, giving her a short train. Maura thought she looked beautiful.

"You look absolutely perfect," Jane whispered. "I have to be the luckiest person on the planet."

"I beg to differ," Maura whispered back.

There was a rumble of thunder outside, and, as if that were the cue, the kitchen musicians began to play. T.J. marched out with his little pillow, and then the brides followed, Maura walking between her parents while Jane and Angela came behind them. As she walked through the makeshift aisle they'd cleared in the living room, Maura was impressed with the last-minute decorating their mothers had done. A fire was crackling in the hearth, while candles flickered all over the room. Multi-colored flower arrangements were set up in strategic places, brightening the room and making the air fragrant, almost as if they really were outside. The sound of the driving rain against the windows was a reminder of why they weren't, but now that she was less distraught about the situation, Maura felt the sound _was_ relaxing; symbolic, even. It was a reminder that whatever storms life might send their way, they were creating their own little safe haven, where they would shelter each other and their little Victoria. Really, what weather could be more fitting?

Their wedding audience was small, but everyone important was there. Angela, Frankie and Tommy; Nina, Korsak and Kiki, Kent, Constance and Arthur, and Hope – with Cailin! Cailin had come! Jane had been uncertain about inviting her, but Maura had sent her an invite anyway. Maybe this meant she had changed her mind about the baby!

But Maura didn't have much time to worry about her guests; this was time to focus on her beautiful Jane, who was now standing in front of the fireplace with her.

"I want to kiss you right now!" she whispered as she took Jane's hands.

"Too bad, you have to wait until the end!" Jane whispered back. Maura giggled.

With everyone in their places, the ceremony began. The justice of the peace said a few words, then gave Jane and Maura some vows to repeat, and then they exchanged rings. Maura shed a few tears – she couldn't help it, with her pregnancy hormones and all – but Jane made funny faces at her every time so she would forget about crying and giggle instead.

"Now, I believe you two planned to share vows you had written yourself?" the justice asked after they'd exchanged rings.

"Oh, we never quite got around to writing them," Jane admitted, reddening a little.

"It's okay," said Maura quickly. "I know what I want to say."

"Go ahead, then."

Maura looked up at her bride and smiled. "My sweet Jane," she began, trying to gather her thoughts. Jane took up so much space in her life. She wasn't sure how she would distill all of that, everything this woman meant to her, into a reasonably short speech. She decided she was just going to have to start at the beginning. "When I first got to know you, it didn't take very long to love you. You were everything I wasn't: outgoing, irreverent, bold, daring, athletic. Every time you walked into a room, you were all I could look at. The air around you seemed to vibrate with energy. You were beautiful, intelligent, brave, and loyal. And you seemed to have a deep understanding of the one thing I couldn't seem to understand: people. Not only that, but you were able to help _me_ understand. Around you, I became the sort of person I'd always wanted to be. You made me feel more comfortable in the world.

"I didn't think it would take long for you to get tired of me, though. People always did! It was why I didn't have any close friends, why I'd only had a few serious relationships. I was sure you'd decide I was too weird or too awkward. But the better you got to know me, the more you seemed to like me. Soon I completely let my guard down, and you got to know me better than anyone ever had, and yet, you stayed. You were always there for me when I needed you. If I was heartbroken, you were there to comfort me. If I was threatened, you were there to protect me. If I was happy about something, you were there to celebrate with me. And when you found out I was having a baby, you immediately promised to raise her with me." The tears began to come then. There was no fighting them now. Maura could see that Jane's eyes were getting misty as well.

"I don't even remember when I knew that I was in love with you," she continued. "Maybe it was the first time you slept by my side. Maybe it was the day I found out I'd just done an autopsy on my biological half-brother, when you dropped everything to take me to the park just so we could talk about my feelings. Maybe it was the day I saw you shoot yourself, when I felt like my heart was being torn in two and realized I couldn't live without you. Whenever it was, I only know that I have fallen deeper with each passing day, and I think that, until today, the day when I found out you loved me too was my favorite day ever, even though there were bad things happening at the same time. I promise you, I will spend the rest of my life being as good to you as you are to me. I will always comfort you, protect you, celebrate with you. And I can't think of anyone I'd rather raise a child with. I love you, Jane Rizzoli, more than I can say, but I hope I can show you."

Jane smiled, blinking back tears. "Well when I met you, I thought there had to be a catch. You seemed too good to be real. Not only are you the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, but you have the biggest brain and the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known. You're the whole package. You're almost too amazing to even be human. Every day, I'm amazed that you exist, that I get to know you, that I'm the person you love most for whatever reason. In our line of work, we see some pretty horrible things, and there've been times when I felt a little jaded, like the world was more evil than good. But you, you always see the best in everything, and you help me to see it. You're like this shining light in all the darkness that surrounds us, and you remind me why this job is worth doing. We're doing this to defend and protect what is good in this world, like you. Like our baby. If it weren't for you, I think I'd have gotten lost in the darkness a long time ago, but no matter how rough of a day I have, I know I will always have you to come home to, and you will always be sweet and joyful and gentle and loving. You pull me back to the light, every time.

"Sometimes I think you see me as better than I am, and it's making me better because I'm always striving to be the person you think I am, the person you deserve. The person our baby deserves. I promise, I will keep working at it until I become that person. You asked me to stay, and I will, always. I will always be here for you, and for our little gummy bear. I love you, Maura Isles, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for you."

Maura wiped away the tear that was rolling down Jane's face. "My Jane, you _are_ that person," she whispered.

"I'm trying," Jane whispered back.

"Are we ready?" the justice asked patiently.

"Yeah," rasped Jane.

"Then by the power invested in me by the state of Massachusetts, I now pronounce you wife…and wife. You may both kiss the bride."

Maura grinned and slipped her arms around Jane's waist, finally going in for that kiss she'd been wanting. She felt herself melting in Jane's arms the way she had the very first time they'd kissed, only a few months ago. This was where she belonged.

Several seconds into a kiss neither wanted to break away from, Maura felt a sharp kick to the stomach, and Jane stepped back in surprise. "Whoa, I felt that," she said, laughing.

Maura rubbed her belly with a giggle. "She doesn't want to be left out!"

Jane bent down and kissed her stomach. "Don't worry, Tori. This is about you too. We just became an official family."

~R&I~

A few hours later, Maura was pleasantly sleepy, sitting in her favorite booth at the Dirty Robber. Jane was at her side, Angela and Constance chatting across from them. Music was blaring over the loudspeakers and a large percentage of the guests, which included some people from work who had been invited to the reception but not the ceremony, were quite drunk by now. Jane wasn't, however. She had sipped at the champagne, but had felt bad drinking too much since Maura couldn't have it (well, Maura had taken just a sip during the toasts, but otherwise she had stuck with sparkling grape juice).

People had given some lovely speeches, all of them with a common theme: most of the people who knew Jane and Maura had believed for a long time that they belonged together.

"You didn't even think of one without thinking of the other," Nina said. "When you saw Maura walk into a room, you looked around to see where Jane was, or vice versa."

"Any time Maura came to the squad room, I looked for Jane, because that was the only reason Maura would be there," said Frankie. "If Jane wasn't in the office, she always just emailed the lab results, but she preferred to give them to Jane in person."

"If I went to see Maura about a case, she always asked where Jane was," said Korsak. "If Jane was available, we knew she was the one to send. And if Maura was late getting to a crime scene, Jane would get anxious, like she couldn't focus on her work until Maura was by her side. And she had this uncanny knack for knowing when Maura was in trouble."

"Jane stopped complaining about coming to Sunday dinner when I started inviting Maura," said Angela. "She used to make excuses not to come, but when Maura was there, Jane was there, always. I could never believe the things Maura could talk Jane into doing! I knew there had to be something there besides friendship."

"When I first came to work here, the late Susie Chang told me all about my new boss," said Kent. "She told me when I saw Dr. Isles, she would probably have a tall, dark-haired detective at her side. She also warned me that Detective Rizzoli could be very frightening, that even though Dr. Isles was always nice we had to watch ourselves around her, because if Detective Rizzoli ever thought you weren't treating her best friend with the proper respect, then you were on her bad side, and that wasn't a good place to be. I asked Susie if she was sure they were just friends, and she said no one was sure. I wish she could see them now."

"Sure, he brings up Susie, but he skirts around the fact that he didn't take her advice," Jane had muttered.

"I do wish she were here though," Maura said wistfully. "I'd have asked her to stand up with me."

Jane smiled. "I'd have asked Frost."

As the hour grew late, guests began to file out, stopping by to offer Jane and Maura their congratulations.

"It was a lovely little wedding," Hope said as she prepared to leave with Cailin. "I'm so happy I got to be here for it, and I wish you two every happiness."

"Thank you. I'm glad you both were able to come." Maura looked at Cailin. "I wasn't sure you would."

"What?" Cailin said in surprise. "I'm not, like, homophobic or anything. I don't mind that you're marrying a woman."

"Well, you've been kind of distant since you found out about the baby," Maura pointed out.

Cailin squirmed uncomfortably. "I don't understand why you're having a baby like this, but you're still my sister. I'd hate to miss your wedding."

"Having a baby is at least as important as the wedding," Jane pointed out. "This is going to be your niece."

"I guess," said Cailin. "I just don't get it, okay? I'll try."

"I don't much care for that girl," Constance remarked when they left. "She seems rude. She was typing on her phone throughout the reception, and the comments she's made about my grandchild! What business is it of hers? Maura, you don't need to feel obligated towards her just because she's related to you by blood."

"I know, but I always wanted a sister or brother," said Maura. "And she _does_ have my kidney."

"I told you you should've kept it," said Jane. "You deserve two kidneys."

"I'm just happy that she's alive, whether she's part of my life or not."

"And that selfless attitude is what I love about you, even if it does worry me," said Jane, kissing Maura's head.

"Well! I think the wedding came together nicely, but if you decide to do a larger wedding later, when you have the time to plan it, I will be happy to help," said Constance.

"We'll let you know," said Jane. "For now, though, I think it's time we got home, don't you?"

Maura smiled. "Yes, we do need our rest. We leave for the Berkshires in the morning!" She winked at her new wife to make sure she knew "rest" wasn't the only thing she was anxious to get home for.

"Hold on. Let me get everyone together to send you off!" Angela said, hastily standing up. She ushered all the guests to the sidewalk outside the Robber, forming two lines between the door and the waiting limo, and distributed umbrellas. Maura couldn't help thinking of the last time they'd done this, at Korsak's wedding, when they'd ended up getting shot at and she'd hurt her head. She reminded herself, though, that that couldn't happen this time. Alice Sands was gone. So she took Jane's hand and fearlessly walked out into the night, where everyone immediately held their umbrellas out over them, creating a colorful canopy as they walked out to the limo, which was decorated with a rain-smeared _JUST MARRIED_ sign. Maura looked up at the many-colored umbrellas, looking like giant flowers above them, and couldn't help thinking that this, too, was a metaphor: a subtle promise that their family and friends would always be there to shelter them. Then Jane was helping her into the limo and the door was closing behind them and it was just the two of them again. Maura relaxed gratefully into Jane's arms, listening to the rain pound on the metal roof above them.

"I am looking forward to having you all to myself for a week, even if it is at some fancy schmancy hotel," Jane remarked.

"You'll like the hotel. Our room has a big, comfy bed."

Jane grinned. "That's all we're really going to need, isn't it?"

"It's the only thing I have planned." Maura grinned back.

The limo pulled away from the curb, leaving their dearest family and friends behind, for now, as they set off to begin their new life.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Jane woke with a start. She'd been dreaming about Hoyt, dreaming that he was hurting Maura. Her mind had gone back to the night she killed Hoyt, only in the dream she couldn't seem to fight off the security guard and had watched, horrified, as Hoyt stripped Maura's clothes off and climbed on top of her. The blonde was too dazed from the stun gun to even try to defend herself, though Hoyt had made a deliberate decision not to stun Jane because he wanted her to be alert enough to fully understand what was happening to Maura.

Jane struggled to catch her breath. She was safe, Maura was safe. They were lying in a big four-poster bed in their fancy hotel suite in the Berkshires. Maura was sound asleep in Jane's arms, naked and very pregnant, breathing evenly. She was Jane's wife, now. Her wife.

Jane's breathing slowly returned to normal as she reminded herself that she had stopped Hoyt from badly hurting Maura in real life, but a wave of sadness swept through her as she remembered that someone else _had_ hurt Maura, four years after Hoyt tried to, and she hadn't been there to stop him.

She remembered Maura saying that she would never be glad it happened, but that she could still be glad about what happened next, and Jane fully agreed with that logic. She was very proud of her ready-made family, overjoyed that Maura was her wife now and that they had a daughter on the way. But nevertheless, she was completely and utterly heartbroken by what had happened to Maura, just the thought of her experiencing that kind of pain. A silent tear rolled down her face, and she kissed Maura's head to reassure herself that she was okay now. She smiled to think of their rainy living room wedding the day before yesterday. It hadn't gone the way they'd planned, but Jane thought it had turned out perfectly.

Maura's eyes fluttered open, and she immediately smiled at the sight of Jane.

"Hey, gorgeous," Jane rasped. "How are you feeling this morning?"

Maura stretched. "I need to pee."

"Well that's nothing new." Jane kissed her. "Looks like the sun's out today, though." She could see it peeking around the drapes on the enormous bay window in their bedroom.

"Good! If it's warm enough, we can go on a picnic later!" Maura rolled out of bed as gracefully as she could and waddled to the bathroom. Jane watched her go. She might have a big belly with stretch marks, but she was still sexy as hell, and now that Jane was allowed to just gape at her naked body, she wasn't planning to waste a second.

"Ugh, she's getting so big," Maura groaned as she made her way back from the bathroom, rubbing her belly. "It's starting to really sink in."

"What is?"

Maura looked at Jane, her eyes wide. "That I'm going to have to squeeze her out through my vagina!"

Jane winced. "Yeah, that doesn't sound like fun." She reached for the blonde and pulled her back onto the bed, wrapping her in her arms. "I wish there was some way we could get her out without hurting you."

"I'm afraid that's not possible, but I'm doing my best to prepare, and I'll have you there to support me."

"Yeah, of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world." That was it, though, wasn't it? The past several months, Jane had felt her priorities shifting. This was her world, right here in her arms: her wife and daughter. Other things didn't seem as important as they used to, and Jane knew that she needed to reorganize her life now, to build everything around Maura and Tori. They were too important to just be squeezed in wherever there was room.

"When we get back home, we'll start our childbirth classes to get ready for the delivery." Maura threw her head back and smiled at Jane. "We're in the final stretch now."

"Are you excited?"

"Of course I'm excited. I was to see her, hold her, do things with her. And I'm definitely looking forward to my back not hurting so much. But I'm also pretty nervous."

"About the delivery?"

"Yes, and after."

"After? You mean taking care of the baby?"

Maura nodded. "I wish I had more time to prepare. I'm not sure I'm ready to be a mother."

"Well, any new mother would be nervous, I mean I'm nervous too, but you're going to be great."

"We don't know that for sure. I've never been a mother before. I could be very bad at it."

Jane kissed her. "You'll be amazing, and I do know that for sure."

"How can you know?"

"Look, there are only three things you need in order to take care of a new baby. First, you have to know how to keep the baby alive. You know how to do that, right?"

"Well, yes."

"Second, you need to have all the stuff the baby needs in order to live. Food, diapers, clothes, car seat, crib, all that stuff. And we have everything, right?"

"I think so, yes."

"So the only thing left is to love the baby like crazy. And I know you will, because you already do. The same love that made you decide to have this baby is going to make you a wonderful mom."

Maura smiled. "I hope you're right. But I do know that I couldn't do this without you."

"You don't have to. We'll figure it out together."

"I know. But first, can we figure out breakfast?"

Jane chuckled. "Yes, my beautiful bottomless pit. We'll find you the best breakfast in town."

It was one of those fall days that started off cold, then turned warm once the sun had been out for a few hours, but promised to turn cold again as soon as the sun went down. They took advantage of the warm part by arranging to have a picnic on the hotel grounds. The staff set everything up for them: a low table, covered with a blanket, with a basket of food, a chilled bottle of sparkling grape juice (normally it would be champagne, but Jane had requested something non-alcoholic that her pregnant wife could enjoy), nice plates and silverware, and even a bouquet of fresh flowers as a centerpiece. On one side of the table were a bunch of cushions for them to sit on.

They took off their shoes and snuggled up together on the cushions. The hotel was behind them, and in front all they could see was a big field of grass surrounded by trees in varying shades of yellow, orange, and red. The sky was a brilliant blue, and the air had that crisp quality to it that was always present in the fall.

"This setting is so fucking romantic, I feel like I should be down on one knee proposing," said Jane.

Maura laughed. "It's a little late for that."

"I know." Jane looked down at her diamond-studded wedding ring, then lifted Maura's hand and examined her matching ring. "If I'd done things right, I would have asked you out years ago, and I would have proposed to you on a date like this. I'd have given you a gorgeous ring."

"I'm sure you would have," Maura said, leaning her head against Jane's shoulder contentedly as she munched on grapes. "It would have been amazing. But what we have right now is also amazing. I'm just happy to have this."

"I am too, but we have a lot of lost time to make up for. I've been thinking about how I'm going to make it up to you, how I'll keep there from being any lost time with Tori."

"Really? What are your thoughts?"

"Well, we haven't found a nanny yet…"

Maura sighed. "I know, but we have three months of maternity leave. We can find one then."

"I know, but…maybe we don't need to get one. Maybe I can just take care of her, when you go back to work."

Maura looked at her in surprise. "You'd want to be a stay-at-home mom?"

"Maybe just for a few years, and maybe I could go back to BPD, but…this job has sucked up so much of my time for years, and it wasn't so bad because I saw you at work and at home, but I don't want it to take me away from her. I'm looking at spending a few hours with her each day, and sometimes not making it home until after she's gone to bed. This is how families get torn apart in this job. I want to actually raise her, not pay someone else to do it, and I don't want to be in scary situations at work wondering if I'm about to make you a widow and her a half-orphan. I don't want her being raised by a stranger."

Maura nodded. "I don't want that either."

"So I figured it'd be a load off your mind if you knew I was the one taking care of her every day, but the only thing that worries me is that you get in dangerous situations sometimes, too, and I wouldn't be there to look out for you."

Maura nodded again. "I'm not sure I could do it without you."

"I'll stay then. It's just something I wanted to toss out there, to see how you felt about it."

"That's not what I mean. What I mean is, I've been thinking the same thing, that maybe we work too much. I _am_ writing a book now, so I thought that…maybe, with the baby coming…maybe I should consider leaving the medical examiner's office, to pursue writing as a career. It would allow me to work from home, and I would have plenty of time to spend with you, and with Victoria. I'd have a flexible schedule, so we could travel sometimes, as a family, and as long as I made enough sales to stay in print, it wouldn't really matter if I made a living off the books. As you've pointed out in the past, I don't _need_ to work for a living."

"So we could both be home?"

"If we both wanted. It is a difficult decision to make, of course. I love my job. But I might be ready for a quieter life. And the book I'm writing is meant to be the first in a series. If it's successful, writing could easily become a full-time job, and I don't think I can fit two full-time jobs around parenthood."

"I think actually that'd be kind of awesome. Just the three of us together, you know, until she's old enough to go to school. And when she does go to school, we can have sex all day."

Maura laughed.

"Or we could do other things. I could get certified and teach part-time at the police academy. You could help out at Hope's clinic. But I think it would be nice to have just a few years where neither of us has to work outside our house, to just do what we want on our own schedule."

"Making up for lost time," Maura agreed.

"Exactly."

"Well, we've had enough excitement in the past several years to last us a lifetime. I would be happy to just have peace and quiet for a while."

"Peace and quiet sounds good." Jane ran her fingers through Maura's hair and kissed her. "But being with you is always an adventure." She kissed her again. "I love you, beautiful lady."

"I love you too." Maura grinned. "And you are also a beautiful lady."

Jane took a sip of sparkling grape juice. "Yeah, I think you're the most beautiful, and you think I'm the most beautiful, so we must be the two best-looking women on the planet."

Maura giggled.

After their picnic, they went on a walk through the woods surrounding the property, which was a pleasant and romantic experience aside from Maura suddenly needing to pee when they weren't quite sure which path would take them back to the hotel, which resulted in Jane having to guard her while she went behind a tree.

When they got back to the hotel, they got dressed up and went downstairs for a romantic candlelight dinner in the music room. By the time they were done eating, it had gotten dark and the temperature had dropped, so they requested a fire, and a hotel worker came upstairs to get one going in their suite's sitting room. They snuggled up on the daybed opposite the fireplace, just watching the flames for a bit.

"One day, maybe we'll come back here with Victoria and stay in the same suite, and she can sleep in this daybed," Maura murmured happily.

"We'll take her to do lots of fun stuff. With our new, flexible schedules, there will be no reason not to."

Maura smiled. "I think I'm going to enjoy this new phase of my life, just focusing on being a family."

"And with Grandma Rizzoli already begging to babysit, we'll have plenty of time to focus on being a couple too." Jane pulled her new wife close and kissed her.

"We're focusing on that right now!" Maura pointed out, giving Jane a seductive smile.

"Hell yeah we are." Jane kissed her again, her hands moving to Maura's zipper. She had a brief flashback to a moment five years earlier when Maura had asked Jane to unzip her and, for just a brief second, Jane had believed the blonde who had become the object of her heart's desire was actually coming on to her. She hadn't been that time, at least not overtly, but Jane now had the freedom to unzip her for _exactly_ the purpose she had in mind.

Once she'd gotten the maternity dress off, Jane made short work of Maura's bra, freeing breasts that seemed bigger every time she saw them (she wasn't sure if they really were or if she just kept forgetting how huge they were now; she expected Maura would be relieved when they shrunk back a bit later). She took a large nipple into her mouth. These had also been changed by the pregnancy. They were now more brown than pink, areolas enlarged and nipples elongated. They were also quite sensitive now from the pregnancy hormones. Jane had to be gentle, but she was able to elicit quite a response.

As she ever so gently rolled a nipple between her teeth, she slipped her fingers into Maura's panties, not the least surprised to find her already soaking wet. That, Maura had told her, was another part of pregnancy. Who knew pregnant women could be so _sexy_? Maura moaned, squirming to rub her pussy against Jane's fingers, and Jane knew it was time to act. She knelt on the floor before the daybed and, encouraging Maura to scoot up to the edge of the bed, slipped her panties off and began kissing her way along the inside of a soft thigh.

"Jane, please," Maura breathed, her hands urging Jane's head forwards as she moved her hips all the way to the edge of the bed, practically thrusting her swollen pussy into Jane's face. Jane couldn't deny her, so she went in, licking and sucking away until the blonde shuddered with orgasm.

"You know, we're kind of close to the door over here," Jane observed as she pushed herself to her feet, licking her lips. "If anyone walks by, they might—"

"Know how much we love each other?" Maura said with a grin, reaching for Jane with a hungry expression.

"Well, yes. But they also might—"

"Be jealous that we're having better sex than they are?" Maura reached for Jane's zipper and dragged it down, then pulled her dress down until it pooled around her feet.

"Definitely, but they might also—"

"Realize we're enjoying our honeymoon?" Maura unhooked Jane's bra and took it off, carelessly casting it aside. She took both breasts in her hands, squeezing slightly, and teased the nipples with her thumbs, watching in satisfaction as they hardened at her touch.

"They'll definitely realize that. And we'll have to hope they don't also complain to the manager, because you clearly have no plans of moving."

"I want to be in front of the fire!" Suddenly Maura yanked down Jane's underwear and began to caress her folds as she gazed up at her, eyes dark with desire. Jane's breath became more ragged as she put her hands on Maura's shoulders for support.

"You really are something else," she murmured. "Though I suppose I always knew you'd be amazing in bed, just like you thought I would be."

"Why did you think that?" Maura asked, casually sliding two fingers inside of Jane.

" _Oh_ …I…you were always just so… _uninhibited_."

"What do you mean?" Maura slid her fingers out and back in, deeper this time, establishing a slow rhythm.

"I mean, when you were… _ah_ …talking about sex, you never seemed… _mmm_ …ashamed at all."

"What is there to be ashamed of?" Maura asked innocently, picking up the pace.

"Lots, if you went to… _ahhh_ …Catholic school."

Maura thrust deeper. "I'm glad I didn't go to Catholic school then."

"Oh _fuuuck_ …Maura…I'm glad too."

"I suppose the secret to being good in bed is simply feeling good about what you're doing. You need confidence, you need to trust the other person, you need to feel comfortable with the situation. It's hard to feel that way if you believe what you're doing is wrong in some way." She moved faster, deeper, clearly enjoying Jane's repressed cries. It was almost as if she wanted to make her scream, to alert any passersby to her pleasure. "Of course, it's also important to care about the other person, to listen to her cues, to be willing to focus your attention on making her feel good. You can't be good in bed if you're selfish. You have to want the other person to enjoy the experience as much as you do."

"Mm-hm," Jane whimpered helplessly.

"But of course, you can't ignore your own pleasure either. If you want to be good – really good – you have to commit yourself to an experience that is equally amazing for both of you."

"It is!" cried Jane, feeling herself going close to the edge.

"I know it is." With one final thrust, Maura finally got what she was after: Jane lost all control and cried out, hoarsely, but still loud enough to make sure anyone who might be walking by their door knew exactly how good Maura Isles was in bed.

"Damn, woman." Jane collapsed onto the daybed beside her wife, who looked quite pleased with herself.

Maura happily licked Jane's juices off her fingers, a sight that always turned Jane on all over again. "I'm enjoying married life so far. How about you?"

"I think you know damn well what the answer to that is." She pulled the pregnant woman close and held her tight. "I think it's fucking amazing."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

With the honeymoon over, it was time to get back to regular life, which meant preparing for the baby. Maura was beginning to feel anxious, worrying that the baby would come before she had the house ready. She checked and double checked that they had everything they needed, cleaned the nursery over and over to make sure there was no dust, installed the infant seat in her car and then took it out and installed it again to make sure she could do it easily. She was also getting increasingly anxious about the birth itself, though she was trying to alleviate that with her childbirth classes at the hospital.

They were the only lesbian couple in the class, and Maura was pretty sure they were the only ones over thirty as well. She sat on her yoga mat, front and center since she and Jane had been the first to arrive, while all around her sat other, younger pregnant women, their husbands and boyfriends dutifully at their sides.

"The husbands keep looking at me," Jane muttered into Maura's ear.

Maura gave her a reassuring smile. "They're probably jealous because you're sexier than they are."

Jane chuckled. "Or maybe because my wife is hotter than any of theirs."

"So is mine!"

With everyone assembled, their instructor, Tracy, gave everyone an exercise ball and started talking about comfort measures. "The first one we will practice is called 'sacral pressure,'" she told the class, bringing up a volunteer. "The mother – " her eyes flicked towards Jane "the uh, the pregnant one – will sit with the birthing ball in front of her and will lean onto the ball, like this." She positioned her volunteer, and Maura, along with the other pregnant women, leaned over the ball as she was shown. She liked the way this position took the pressure off her spine, but then she imagined the intense contractions she would be having when she did this during labor and bit her lip nervously. "Now, the partner will put his – or her – hands on the mom's lower back and apply pressure during a contraction. The mom can tell you if it helps or if she wants you to move your hands a little. You just apply constant pressure during the contraction, and then you stop when the contraction stops."

Jane put her hands on Maura's back the way Tracy demonstrated, trying carefully to place them just right. "Does that feel good?" she asked dubiously.

"Not right now," Maura admitted. "But it might during a contraction."

"Does it hurt?"

"No, it doesn't hurt." Maura looked back at her and smiled. "I won't let you do anything that hurts."

They went through some more common comfort measures, and Jane gamely followed directions with each one. Maura's favorite part was when the partners learned how to give massages. Jane had already been giving Maura backrubs, foot rubs, and leg rubs, so the new massage techniques came naturally to her. While some of the men in the room seemed rather stiff and awkward as they attempted to massage their wives' shoulders and arms, Jane was a pro at it, looking Maura lovingly in the eyes as she did so.

"This _is_ relaxing," said Maura. "You're good at this."

"You know me, I'm happy for any excuse to get my hands on you." Jane looked at her the way she normally did when she was about to kiss her, but since there were people around, she just gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

Maura heard a man behind her snicker, and his wife hissed, " _Stop_. I think they're cute."

"You hear that? We're _cute_ ," Jane whispered, grinning.

"How do you know they're talking about us?" Maura whispered back.

"Because they're trying so hard not to look at us."

Maura started to turn her head towards the couple behind them, but Jane grabbed her. "Don't look at them!"

"It's hard not to look when you tell me what people are doing behind me!"

"There are other things you can do to support your partner in labor besides supportive touch and massage," Tracy told the class, bringing them back to order. "One of the most important things you can do is keep her hydrated, and make sure she eats something. She won't be thinking logically when she's in active labor, so you have to do it for her. Pack some light snacks, and when she's between contractions, offer her food and water."

"I'm gonna be too busy losing my shit to remember that," one man muttered. A few people giggled.

"I won't lose my shit," Jane whispered. "I've got this. You will be fed and watered."

"Visualization is another important strategy. Sometimes it helps to simply focus on something other than the pain and the fears you have. I'm going to encourage you each to take a minute to think of a pleasant memory you share with your partner that your partner can describe for you while you're in labor to give you something else to focus on."

Maura smiled at Jane. "Where do we start?"

"We do have a lot of good memories together, don't we?"

"You could pick from so many different stories. You could just surprise me."

"Well, pick one of your favorites for now, so we have a go-to."

Maura thought. "The first time we had sex."

"Mmm, that was a good night. But do you have anything cleaner, in case there are people in the room?"

"Our wedding. You can talk about how you convinced me to do it in the living room because it was raining, and how everything turned out just perfect."

"Mmm. That might be my favorite story. Well, one of them."

Tracy went over some information on the stages of labor, which was not news to Maura, although she still felt her breath catching as the instructor described the intensifying contractions and the process of pushing the baby out. A lot of people, especially the men, looked a little squeamish at this part. Maura normally wouldn't be, but she was now as she thought about how her own vagina would feel as an entire human being passed through it.

"I know it seems like you'll never go back to the way you were before after giving birth, but you will," Tracy promised. "However, you will be exhausted and sore for a while, so dads – support people- it's important that you take care of the baby for her sometimes so she can get some rest."

Maura frowned. "It's your baby too, so how would you be taking care of her for _me_?"

"I dunno," said Jane. "I plan to take care of her just as much as you do."

"You hear that? You have to take care of him for me sometimes," they heard a pregnant lady near them saying.

"You're the only one who knows how," he complained.

"If you would have come to the infant care class with me, you'd know what to do!" she hissed back. "I don't need you to do the hard stuff, but if you could just look after him for an hour or so while I get some rest…"

"Fine, but I'm not changing poopy diapers."

Jane looked at Maura, her eyes wide. "Remember when I said you deserved better than me?"

"Yes."

"I lied. I'm the best you could have gotten. You are so lucky to have me."

Maura giggled. "I already knew that."

"Seriously, having a husband must suck. We did the right thing marrying each other."

"Well, I don't know if the first part is always true," said Maura with a smile, "but I know we did the right thing."

When they were done discussing the birthing process, Tracy gathered everyone for the part Maura was most looking forward to: a tour of the Center for Women and Newborns, where Victoria would be born. She hoped familiarizing herself with the surroundings would lessen her fear a bit.

One of the things Maura liked best about this maternity ward was that no visitors could enter without security clearance. She didn't think anyone would try to sneak in anyway, but it made her feel safer to know that only the people she asked for could come to see her. Jane, of course, would be given a special bracelet that would allow her 24-hour access to the ward.

"That means I can go out and have a beer and then get back in," one man joked to his wife when Tracy explained the bracelets.

"You better not," she said, elbowing him in the stomach.

"I don't need a bracelet," Jane told Maura. "It's not like I'll be leaving once you're checked in."

"Probably not, but if I forgot something I might send you to get it, and you'd need to get back in quickly."

"Yeah, I guess, but I hope that doesn't happen. I'm not going to want to leave you, I mean, you'll be in pain. I don't walk away when you're in pain."

"You will if I tell you to," Maura grinned. "But I'll try not to forget anything. I want you by my side for this entire process." She squeezed Jane's hand to emphasize her point.

They toured an empty labor and delivery room, saw where they'd go if they needed C-sections (Maura hoped that wouldn't happen), briefly talked to an anesthesiologist about the process of getting an epidural (which Maura didn't plan on, but she knew she might change her mind), saw a postpartum room and the NICU. Maura liked everything she saw – as she'd expected to, since she'd chosen her hospital very carefully – but it only seemed to make her more nervous.

When class adjourned, a line quickly formed at the ladies' room, as all the pregnant women had to pee. Jane waited in line behind Maura, who was behind the woman whose husband had snickered at them in class. The woman smiled at them as they waited.

"I'm Lori," she said.

"I'm Maura, and this is my wife, Jane." Maura savored the word _wife_ on her tongue. It was still so new, and it felt so good to say it.

"When are you due?' Lori asked.

"November 28. How about you?"

"December first. We might be in together!"

"Yes! Is this your first?"

"Actually no," Lori said. "I already have a two-year-old daughter, but I had an epidural with her and I had a bad reaction to it, so I'm going to try a natural childbirth this time. That's why I'm taking the class, to learn how to cope with the pain. Is it your first baby?"

"Yep," said Jane. "Our little baby girl."

"Aww," said Lori. "I don't know what I'm having this time. My husband wants a boy soo badly, so I knew if I found out it was another girl, I'd have to listen to him complain for the rest of the pregnancy."

"Oh," said Maura, saddened by this. "We were thrilled to find out we were having a girl."

"He just wants someone he can play catch with and take to hockey games," Lori said quickly. "I'm sure he'll be fine if it is a girl. He loves our daughter, but he just wants a son."

"I have every intention of teaching our little girl to play catch," said Jane, patting Maura's belly. "And she's definitely coming to some hockey games with me."

Some stalls opened up, ending the conversation as Lori and Maura stepped inside. When Maura walked back out with Jane, she saw Lori rejoining her husband in the corridor.

"This is Maura and her wife Jane," she told him. "I think they're very sweet."

"We are," said Jane in her fake friendly voice, holding out her hand. "You must be the proud papa!"

"Yeah, we were behind you two," he said. "So what are you, exactly? Are you supposed to be the baby's dad?"

"Tom!" Lori scolded.

"Actually, no," said Jane. "I'm not a big fan of sitting on my ass and complaining about my own kid while my wife does all the work, so I think I'd make a terrible dad. Good luck with everything, though!" She put her arm around Maura and steered her towards the door.

"Jane," Maura admonished when they were out of earshot.

"What? The guy's an asshole. I feel sorry for his wife."

"Not _all_ dads are that bad."

"No, not all, but it's common enough that they don't feel embarrassed talking about it in public." They headed into the parking garage. "Anyway, are you okay? You seem tense."

Maura leaned against her, frowning. "I'm scared," she confessed.

"Of what?"

"Of…of giving birth. Labor. All of it."

"Well, that's normal." Jane put her arm around Maura and squeezed her. "You are human, after all, even if you are better than the rest of us."

"But it's not just anxiety about giving birth for the first time. I'm…I'm really scared of the pain."

"Anyone would be. My mom pounded into me that childbirth is the worst pain you can ever experience, which, come to think of it, was a bit counter-productive on her part since she wanted grandkids so bad."

"Actually, there are several conditions that can be more painful than childbirth. Passing kidney stones, for instance," said Maura.

"I always knew she was being dramatic. Anyway, everyone knows it hurts a lot, so it's normal to be scared."

"I know, but it's _more_ than that."

"So what is it? Tell me."

"I just…there's only been one other time when I had severe pain in the area where I'm going to be having it when I give birth."

Jane stopped walking. "Oh. So you're worried about reliving that."

Maura nodded. "I don't want to think about that while I'm having my baby, but I'm afraid I won't be able to help it, especially if the pain is really bad. It feels like Joe Harris and Alice Sands are still hurting me even though they're dead."

Jane let out her breath and pulled Maura into a hug. "Okay. We'll get through this. We'll figure out a way."

Maura nodded. "I know. I have you."

"I'm gonna do that visualization thing with you. I'll think of every fun thing we've ever done and describe it to you. I'll talk about our sex life in front of the doula, if that helps."

Maura cracked a smile. "You don't have to do that, but revisiting fond memories might help."

"And I'll memorize all the breathing exercises and lead you through them. I'll give you lots of hugs and kisses and massages and counter-pressure and everything that helps. I won't let you think about the bastards who hurt you, okay?"

Maura could hear the pain in her voice, and she wanted to make it better, at least for Jane. "Okay."

"And if it's all too much, no one's going to think you're any less of a superhuman if you ask for an epidural. Lots of women do it."

"I know, but there are many advantages to having a natural childbirth, so I'd like to do it if I can."

"Okay. Well, anything you want me to do to get you through it, just say the word. I'll do anything to make it easier on you. If I could give birth for you, I would, because you've already been through too much pain."

Maura smiled grimly. "But I just have to remember that this is a different kind of pain. This is a natural pain, a good pain. It has to hurt to get the baby out. It's better if you don't resist."

"That may be, but it's still hard for me to see you in pain." Jane gave her a kiss. "However, I know that good things can come out of painful situations. That's already happened for me."

Maura looked up at her. "Really?"

"The greatest pain I ever went through was Alice Sands trying to tear my life apart, worst of all by hurting you. But it pushed us together, and being with you is the greatest joy I've ever had."

Maura grinned.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"Okay, I think I finally have everything," Maura said, looking over her checklist as her suitcase sat open on the bed before her. "I have my birth plan, robe, slippers, a nightgown for after the birth, a book, toiletries for both of us, pajamas and a change of clothes for you, my camera, clothes for me to wear home, my nursing bras and pads, diapers, and a take home outfit for Victoria."

"Sounds good. You about ready to head to Korsak's party?" Today was Korsak's last day on the job; he and Jane had just wrapped up the last case they would ever work together. Tonight Angela was throwing a retirement party for him at the Dirty Robber, and Jane and Maura had come home to get ready, but Maura had somehow gotten wrapped up in packing for the hospital.

"Yes, I'm ready. I just really needed to get this done. I'm at 38 weeks, so I should have done it before now, but we've been so _busy_."

"Well, things will slow down soon. If you call taking care of a newborn slowed down, anyway."

"Compared to chasing down murderers, it might be." Maura turned to Jane, who smiled as she took in her form. Maura was so big now that she had to turn kind of sideways in order to give Jane a hug. The baby had dropped recently, so she was carrying this big belly pretty low and peeing almost constantly. It was sort of painful just to watch her move around, since everything she did seemed to take so much effort. Jane did her best to help her with everything. When Maura heaved herself into bed each night, Jane immediately put a pillow between her knees and covered her up, making sure she was comfortable. When Maura needed to get back up, Jane helped her. She grabbed things for her whenever possible. At work, she made Maura start carrying that bell again, the one she used when she had her head injury, so she could make Kent come running when she needed something.

"You look beautiful," Jane told her.

Maura lit up. "Really? I feel like a bloated whale."

"You're the cutest whale I've ever seen." Jane took the suitcase from the bed. "Where do you want me to put this?"

"Just set it in the closet, someplace where it'll be easy to find again."

Jane hauled the suitcase to the closet and set it in front of the section where her own clothes hung. Then she went back out to see Maura wiping down the cradle with a cloth. "What are you doing?" she asked her.

"It's dusty. We can't put a baby in here unless it's absolutely spotless and sanitary."

"Well, the baby's not even here yet."

"But she could come at any time, so we need to keep this house in perfect condition! She deserves to come home to a house that's not a pigsty."

"Maura, this house has never been anything resembling a pigsty."

In response, Maura went through the closet, into the nursery, and began wiping down the changing table.

"Maura," Jane groaned. "We have to go! We're gonna be the last ones there! Besides, you shouldn't be doing this much."

"I'm just worried about not having everything ready in time."

"It's ready, I promise." Jane gently pried the cloth from Maura's fingers. "Sweetie, you've been working hard for months to get everything just right. This baby is _set_."

Maura looked at her shyly. "Do you ever wonder what this would be like if you had had your baby?"

Jane nodded. "I think about it all the time. The kid would be turning two soon."

"You've been keeping track too?"

"Well, yeah. I've never stopped thinking about what my life would be like if I hadn't lost the baby. Sometimes I think it was all for the best, but now, with this baby, I've been thinking about how Tori could have a big sister or brother already waiting for her, and what it would be like to raise them together."

"Me too," Maura said softly. "And I would already know what I was doing."

Jane laughed gently. "You do anyway. You know more about childbirth and child-rearing than I do."

"Yes, book knowledge. I have very little practical experience."

"Has your book knowledge ever let you down before?"

"Only in the world of human interaction…but our baby is a human."

"A human that's coming out of you. You're gonna interact beautifully with her. I'm looking forward to seeing it."

Maura smiled. "I am looking forward to holding her, taking care of her. And I _think_ I know everything I need to, but I just worry that there's something I've missed."

"Well, that's normal. But if you miss anything, I'll catch it, and you'll do the same for me. That's the beauty of two parents."

"You're right," grinned Maura. She heaved a sigh. "Let's go ahead and go to the party. I can clean more tomorrow."

"If you must." Jane slipped her arm through Maura's as they headed for the stairs in their party dresses.

"You know," Maura said hesitantly, "you could still have a baby, if you wanted to. We could use a sperm donor and have a second child. Victoria could have a _younger_ sibling."

"Is that what you want?"

"I did really want to see you pregnant…but only if you want it."

"Well, let's see how it goes with this one, and then we can decide if this is something we want to go through again."

Maura laughed. "That sounds reasonable."

~R&I~

Jane and Maura hadn't told anyone yet that they were considering not coming back after their maternity leave. It wasn't set in stone yet, and they certainly wanted to keep their benefits for as long as possible. Tonight's celebration was all about Korsak ending a long and successful career at BPD and embarking on his next adventure. Jane spent the evening reminiscing with Korsak and other cops about their time solving crimes together while Maura got up to use the bathroom over and over. One of those times, she sat down next to Jane on her return and whispered in her ear, "Don't be alarmed, but I think I've lost my mucus plug."

"Oh." Jane tried to remember what a mucus plug was. She knew both Maura and the childbirth class instructor had mentioned it, but she was drawing a blank.

"Now that doesn't mean I'm going to be in labor tonight, but it does mean I should be having her in the next few days." Maura's eyes sparkled with excitement.

Jane gasped. "Really?"

"Yes! It's almost time!"

Jane barely suppressed a squeal. "We're gonna be mommies!"

"Yes, we are! I can't wait to see her!"

"I know! She's going to be so perfect." Jane slipped her arms around her wife and kissed her. She knew having a newborn in the house was going to mean sleepless nights and no sex, but she was still excited about holding that long-awaited baby in her arms.

When they got home that night, Maura took a warm bath to relax and then got into bed. Jane helped her settle in, as usual, and then gave her a backrub until she was certain the blonde was asleep. Then she climbed under the covers herself, left a kiss on Maura's head, and went to sleep.

The clock read 1:26 am when Maura gently shook her awake. "Jane, it's time to go," she whispered.

"Go where?" Jane mumbled, rubbing her face. That was when she noticed the bed was wet.

"To the hospital! The contractions woke me up so I started timing them. They're up to 65 seconds, and the last few were just four and a half minutes apart. Then my water broke."

Jane pushed herself into a sitting position. "Why didn't you wake me up sooner?"

"It wasn't time to go sooner. You needed your rest."

"Okay, well, do we have time to get dressed?" Jane got out of bed and walked around to Maura's side.

"Yes, it's no rush. We can change and gather our things."

Jane helped her wife out of bed and then sprang into action, throwing on jeans and a sweatshirt and grabbing the suitcase from the closet. As she rolled the suitcase out into the bedroom, she heard Maura softly cry out in the bathroom.

"Maura! Are you okay?" She ran into the bathroom to see her wife holding her stomach, wincing in pain.

"Yes," she forced out. Jane ran to her side and rubbed her back. Maura made herself breathe in and out slowly until the contraction passed and her face relaxed again. "I'm okay," she said breathlessly. "Let's get to the hospital."

Jane helped her down the stairs, loaded the suitcase into the car, and began the 20-minute drive to Brigham and Women's Hospital. "You know if you had decided to have the baby at Mass Gen, we could be there in two minutes," Jane said.

"Yes, but I like the maternity ward at this hospital better." Maura grimaced as another contraction came on. Jane pulled over, unsure of what to do.

"Jane, you can't stop the car every time I have a contraction," Maura told her when it had passed. "You have to keep driving. I'll be okay."

"All right," said Jane dubiously, pulling back out into traffic. "I've just never done this before."

"Neither have I, but we'll get through it. Just keep driving."

So Jane continued, even when Maura had a few more contractions, until she made it to the hospital, where a valet took the car while the two women went in. They checked in, got their bracelets, and settled into their room. As another contraction hit, Jane frantically tried to remember the childbirth class. Maura was on the floor, leaning over the birthing ball, so Jane got behind her and started applying counter pressure to her back. She remembered that she was supposed to take Maura's mind off the pain as much as possible, so she began telling the first story that popped into her head: the day they met, from her point of view.

"Even then, I thought you were hot," she admitted. "But I couldn't figure out what you were after. The last thing I expected was for some stranger to offer to buy me breakfast, then suggest a healthier breakfast, all while apparently thinking I was a real hooker."

When the contraction ended, Maura smiled at her. "Your makeup was hideous," she said, "but I couldn't help admiring those long legs."

Jane chuckled. "Now I get why you wanted to buy me breakfast. You were hitting on me."

"I was just trying to be nice!" Maura laughed.

"Sure you were."

As the hours passed, Maura continued to have regular contractions, and Jane did her best to remember everything she was supposed to do. Maura liked the counter pressure, so Jane kept up with that. Between contractions, she brought Maura snacks, encouraged her to drink water, and gave her lots of hugs and kisses to make sure she felt supported. Every time a new contraction started, Jane got into position to apply counter-pressure and began telling another story from their time together. She talked about going undercover in a lesbian bar and all those times they "accidentally" fell asleep in the same bed. She talked about the time they had to wear Revolutionary War clothes, the way Maura seemed to enjoy her fancy dress and hairstyle, and confessed to telling Constance off for not spending enough time with her daughter. She talked about the time they went undercover as caterers at a sex party, how Maura was disappointed that she couldn't dress up as a high-class hooker. She talked about the time when Maura secretly made a video of Jane talking patiently to a senile witness and uploaded it to YouTube to counter an earlier video of Jane spilling coffee on someone. She recalled Maura's spontaneous motorcycle purchase, the way she'd lit up when showing the bike to Jane. She told of pivotal moments in their relationship, like the time they rekindled their friendship after Jane had to cut Maura's leg open in the woods, and she told silly little stories about Maura doing things like chasing her around with a lint roller. Then she got to the best stories, the ones that had happened recently: their first kiss, their first time making love, the morning when Maura woke up from a dream about marrying Jane and they decided to really do it. Then she began discussing their dreams for the future. Maura listened to each story, adding her own perspective when the contraction passed.

"You know what I realized?" Jane said around 7:30 am. Maura was resting on the bed, lying on her left side, while Jane bathed her face with a cool cloth. "If we don't go back to our jobs after our maternity leave, then yesterday's case wasn't just our last with Korsak. It was also _our_ last case together."

Maura smiled weakly. The poor thing was exhausted by now, and the worst was yet to come. "It's a good thing we didn't know. I think it would have made me too emotional."

"Well, now we're onto the next adventure." Jane lifted Maura's hand to kiss it and noticed the blonde was shaking. "Are you okay?"

Maura nodded hesitantly. "The contractions are getting much stronger," she whispered. Another one came on and she squeezed Jane's hand, whimpering in pain. Jane felt helpless. She reached around her with free hand to rub Maura's back a little and noticed a red spot growing on the bed under her. "Maura, you're bleeding," she gasped.

Just then, Dr. Warren came into the room. It was their first time seeing her since the labor started, and Jane had never been gladder to see anyone.

"How are things progressing?" Dr. Warren asked.

"She's bleeding," Jane blurted out, motioning to the bed.

"I see," said Dr. Warren noncommittally. "How are you feeling, Maura?"

Maura let out her breath as the contraction passed. "The contractions are less than three minutes apart now, and each one lasts more than a minute."

"May I check you to see how far you've dilated?"

Maura nodded and got into position for an exam. Jane continued to clutch Maura's hand, trying not to feel weird about someone else putting her fingers in Maura's vagina (Dr. Warren was at least the third person to do that today, and Jane was not one of the others).

"I've got good news," said Dr. Warren gently. "You're almost fully dilated. Soon it will be time to start pushing."

Maura nodded gratefully.

"And the blood?" Jane asked.

"It's just some discharge. It's completely normal at this stage."

Jane breathed a sigh of relief, then remembered that she was supposed to be keeping Maura hydrated. She poured some more ice water into the cup on the nightstand and held the bendy straw to Maura's lips. Maura drank it gratefully.

"When's the last time you've eaten?" Dr. Warren asked Jane.

"Me?" Jane asked in surprise. "Um….last night?"

"Jane!" Maura reprimanded. "I thought you were snacking when you got me snacks!"

"I...forgot," admitted Jane. "I was just worried about you."

"Go get something," said Dr. Warren. "The baby's coming soon. You need your strength."

"But I…"

"Go! I'll be here. The baby won't come in the few minutes it takes you to pick up some snacks. Get Maura something too."

Jane retreated to the little room where they kept complimentary snacks for people on the maternity ward. She noticed someone had made a pot of coffee, so she poured some into a cup. She paused for a moment, sipping her coffee and just taking in the quiet. It had been incredibly stressful seeing Maura in so much pain, especially the last half hour or so, when the contractions had been particularly intense. She closed her eyes and thought back to 24 hours ago, when they had been preparing for work, unaware that they were on their last case. It was amazing, really, how quickly your life could change. It had happened to her several times over the past year or so, and she was ready for some sort of consistency in her life. But, while some of the changes hadn't been so good, they had all led her to a place that was better than where she was before. Remembering that made it easier for her to have faith that this exhausting morning was taking her to a better place as well.

Jane scarfed a breakfast bar, then scooped up some graham crackers and headed back to Maura's room. She found her wife curled on the bed talking to the doctor, even smiling a little.

"Hey, Warrior Woman," Jane said. "I brought you some more fuel."

"Thank you," Maura said, accepting a cracker. "I still have one centimeter to go before I'm fully dilated, but I'm already getting the urge to push during contractions because the baby is already descending."

"Okay," said Jane, unsure what that meant. "So is that good or bad?"

"Good, in the long run," said Dr. Warren. "But I'm encouraging her not to push until she does reach ten centimeters, which should be soon. We'll be monitoring her closely."

"It won't take as long to push her out since she's already descending," Maura explained tiredly, but then another contraction hit and she cried out with pain. She pushed herself up onto all fours, which Jane remembered them learning as a technique to relieve back pain, and Jane tried to get into position to give her counter-pressure again, but Maura just yelled louder, so she backed off.

"I don't want that anymore," she panted when the contraction passed. "But I would like it if you would rub my back now."

"Okay." Jane obediently massaged her wife's back. "You're doing great," she told her, remembering the importance of reassurance, although she herself was completely freaking out on the inside. "And it sounds like we don't have much longer to go before she's here."

"You're both doing great," Dr. Warren promised. "I'll check back in soon."

Jane continued coaxing Maura through the contractions, massaging her shoulders and back in between and not touching her at all during, since she didn't want that anymore. Around 8:15, Dr. Warren said that Maura was fully dilated and could start pushing. Jane tried really hard not to panic. This was it. This was really it. The baby was coming out, _now_.

Maura tried several different positions as she pushed and eventually settled on standing upright, with Jane holding her from behind. This didn't look like the most comfortable position for Dr. Warren, as she had to get down on her knees to see what was going on, but she didn't complain. As for Jane, she was getting exhausted from holding Maura up, but she tried not to show it.

"You've got this," she whispered to Maura between contractions. "And I've got you."

There were moments when Jane wasn't entirely sure that was true, like when the pain from the baby's continuing descent became so great that Maura began to cry, but then little Tori's head began to emerge, and Jane knew they would make it after all. With each push, Dr. Warren announced another body part that was emerging, until, with one final push, the entire baby emerged.

"Here she is!" proclaimed Dr. Warren, carefully holding up the baby, who was still connecting to Maura via umbilical cord, as a nurse toweled her off. Victoria let out a loud squall in response, which was music to Jane's ears. She'd spent so much time imagining what it would be like to look at Tori's face that she hadn't even thought much about hearing the sound of her voice. They were getting an earful now, though. The baby was now letting out a series of furious cries as if demanding to be put back where she came from.

"You did it," Jane murmured, still holding Maura up as she pressed a kiss to her head. "You just put a new person into the world."

"I did," said Maura in wonder. "Can I hold her now?"

"Lie back down and I'll put her on your chest," said Dr. Warren. Jane helped Maura into the bed, and Maura pulled her gown down so the baby could be placed against her bare skin. They covered the baby with a warmed blanket and then just let Maura hold her, and Tori's cries slowly quieted as she seemed to realize that she had, in a sense, been put back where she came from.

"Hey baby girl!" said Jane, kneeling so she could be at eye level with her new daughter. She reached out to touch her, gently patting her back. "Welcome to the world!"

"I can't believe she's really here," Maura whispered, softly kissing the baby's head. "I've been waiting for you," she told her in a soft voice. "I've been waiting longer than nine months. I've been waiting for years."

"Yeah," Jane agreed. "You might be tiny, but you're kind of a big deal."

"Look at her little fingers," Maura said, lifting a small hand from under the blanket. "They came out perfect. Everything did."

"I think she kind of looks like a gargoyle," Jane blurted out.

"She does not!" replied Maura, indignant.

"She kinda does! She's all purplish and slimy and her face is kinda scrunched up."

"You're not a gargoyle," Maura said to the baby.

"I didn't say she _was_ one, she just resembles one, a little. Just a little. Anyway, I think she's the cutest gargoyle I've ever seen." She kissed the baby, even though she was slimy. "And you're the prettiest mommy I've ever seen." Maura grinned, and Jane kissed her too.

~R&I~

Twelve hours later, Tori didn't look so much like a gargoyle anymore. She was clean and dry, her skin a more natural color, and her face a bit more relaxed. She was, hopefully, starting to adjust to living on the outside of her mommy.

A lot had happened in the hours since Tori had made her debut. She'd learned how to nurse, and had done it several times since then. Maura had delivered the placenta, which was really gross, and Jane had gone with Tori down the hall to have her first bath and check-up (Maura had taken the opportunity to clean herself up as well). They'd been transferred to a room on the postpartum ward, which was set up for the whole family with a regular hospital bed for Maura, a little folding bed for Jane, and a rolling bassinet for Tori. There was also a couch for visitors, which they got plenty of once they put the word out. Jane was a little worried that security would have to carry Angela out when visiting hours were over, as the ecstatic grandmother seemed to have no intentions of leaving willingly.

One of Jane's favorite moments was filling out the paperwork for the birth certificate. It made Tori's arrival seem more official. Victoria Grace Rizzoli-Isles had arrived at 9:17 a.m. on November 19, 2016, clocking in at six pounds and twelve ounces. Her parents were listed as Maura Dorothea Isles and Jane Clementine Rizzoli, married on October 2, 2016. Their own birthdates and occupations were also listed on the form, although Jane wasn't sure why their occupations were important. It amazed her, when she had finished filling out her part of the form, that all the most important details of her life could fit so concisely on a single sheet of paper.

Now their room was quiet, Maura was sound asleep, and Jane was sitting in the recliner next to the bed, holding their swaddled, sleeping baby against her chest. Tori had a little cap on her head now, but underneath that she had blonde fuzz the exact color of Maura's hair (well, minus some highlights). It was a bit early to say for sure who she would look like, but Jane thought she could see traces of Maura's features in the baby's tiny face.

Tori started to stir just a little, and simultaneously, Maura opened her eyes. Jane suddenly remembered her mother blathering on one time about some invisible cord that linked mothers with their children, and she wondered if there might be some truth to that, if Maura and Tori were still linked even now that the umbilical cord had been cut. If so, she hoped there was some way she could get in on this link too.

"My breasts hurt," Maura said, stretching. "I think it's time for her to nurse again."

"We had a nice little bonding session while you were asleep," said Jane, handing the baby over. "I love her. I really, really love her. I want to keep her forever." Her skin suddenly felt cold where the baby had been, and she zipped up her hoodie.

"Well, the good news is, we can." Maura was now wearing a pair of her silk maternity pajamas, and she unbuttoned the top a little so she could pull out a plump breast. Jane watched as she put her nipple into Tori's mouth, and the baby began sucking intently. She'd thought it might be strange to see a baby drinking from the same boobs Jane derived so much pleasure from, but it actually felt like the most natural, beautiful thing in the world. Jane found herself smiling as she watched.

"What are you thinking about?" Maura asked her.

"I'm just thinking that Alice Sands did a really bad job of trying to ruin my life," she said. "Think about it: everything she tried to wreck ended up better than before. She burned down my apartment, and now I'm leaving in a Beacon Hill mansion. She closed down my bank account, and now I share an account with a rich lady. She tried to take you away from me, to ruin the relationship she thought we had, and as a result I'm now married to you, with this precious little baby. Nothing she did worked."

Maura smiled. "I'd say her plan backfired spectacularly."

"Not that I'm grateful. I'm never going to forgive her for what she did."

"No. She tried to destroy us both." Maura looked down at the baby. "But we fought back, and we won."

Jane smiled thoughtfully. "You're right," she agreed. "We won."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Maura dug around the suitcase until she found what she needed: a cloth diaper and the take-home outfit she'd packed for Victoria. Her heart swelled with pride as she prepared to dress her daughter – who had been wearing a hospital onesie and swaddling blankets for the past three days – for the first time.

"Are you ready to go home, sweetie?" she asked, gently undoing the swaddling blankets as Victoria lay in the hospital bassinet. The baby had just finished nursing, so it was a good time to make their transition. She unsnapped the onesie and eased it off, then removed the soiled disposable diaper, cleaned her up, and put on one of the cloth diapers she'd bought from home.

"I know you wanna be eco-friendly, but we're gonna get sick of washing diapers," said Jane, emerging from the bathroom.

"No we won't," promised Maura. "I signed up for a diaper-cleaning service. They'll pick up our dirty diapers every week and drop off clean ones."

"Well. You just have everything figured out, don't you?"

"I wish. I'm just happy to have _some_ things figured out." Maura eased the baby into a velour sleepsuit with cotton voile and lace trim, snapping it up the side. Victoria fussed a little, but didn't cry. "This is your very first real outfit, Victoria. Your Granny Isles bought it for you in Paris."

"What is it, Chanel?" Jane smiled.

"Don't be ridiculous, Chanel doesn't make baby clothes." Maura put the little matching hat on over Victoria's blonde hair. "It's Baby Dior."

"Oh, okay. And will there be a red carpet at the house when we get there? Photographers waiting to get some shots of the best-dressed mother and baby?"

"She's better dressed than I am today," Maura sighed. "I still have to wear maternity clothes because I still look pregnant." She looked down at her belly, which was less charming now that there was no baby inside.

"You look amazing," Jane promised, helping Maura to wrangle the baby into her elegant wool and cashmere coat. "And I think she looks just like you."

Maura traced her daughter's soft cheek with her finger. "It'll be easier to tell as she grows and develops more, of course, but I haven't seen any signs of—"

"Hey." Jane placed a finger on Maura's lips. "Don't mention him in front of her. He's dead and gone, and he has nothing to do with her."

Maura smiled. "Well, you're right. So far I think she looks like me." She tied a little ribbon with a tiny diamond on it around Victoria's wrist. "Her first diamond," she said proudly. Then she grabbed the camera and snapped a bunch of pictures.

When they were all ready, a nurse wheeled Maura down to the hospital entrance with Victoria held tight in her arms. A valet brought the car, Jane loaded the suitcase into the trunk, and the nurse helped them get Victoria buckled into her infant seat. Then Maura got into the car, Jane got behind the wheel, and the nurse bid them goodbye and good luck before taking the wheelchair back into the building.

"All right," said Jane, buckling her seatbelt. "So, do we have everything?"

"I believe so," said Maura uncertainly. "You checked the room to make sure we didn't leave anything behind, right?"

"Yeah, I looked all over. Everything we brought is in the suitcase. Suitcase is in the trunk. We've got the baby, me, you. That's everything, isn't it?"

"It feels like we're forgetting something."

"Yeah, it does." Jane looked around the car. "I don't think we are though. I think…this is it."

Maura looked at her, and her eyes widened. "You're right. This is it. We're on our own."

"That's the thing, isn't it? We've had people around to help us with the baby, and now we're on our own for the first time. I think I actually expected the nurse to get in the car with us."

Maura laughed nervously. "Your mom wanted to meet us when we got home, but we told her not to."

"Want me to call her and tell her we need her after all?"

Maura considered it. "No. We should try to do it on our own. She's still coming before dinner, right?"

"Yeah, that was the compromise. She's bringing us dinner."

"Okay. We'll be fine until then. It's only about six hours." Maura swallowed. Six hours was a long time.

"We'll be _fine_. Let's just go home, like normal people. So it's three of us now instead of two. No big deal." She started to pull away from the curb.

"Wait!" cried Maura.

Jane hit the brakes. "What?"

"I don't like her being back there by herself. I think I should sit back there with her."

"She's fine. She's asleep."

"Yes, but it's her first car ride ever. What if she wakes up and cries? She's used to me being there right away every time she makes a sound. I can't have her thinking, at three days old, that we might not always be there when she needs us."

"Okay, get back there then."

Maura got out of the car and settled herself in the backseat, next to her sleeping baby. Victoria looked so tiny and perfect in her little seat.

"Oh, Jane," she sighed. "I'm so glad we have her."

"Me too. Shall we take her home?"

"Yes," Maura said definitively.

For once, Jane drove the speed limit, the entire way home. People honked their horns behind them when she took too long to go at stop signs, but she wasn't taking any chances today. Maura sat transfixed by the face of her baby, holding a tiny hand between her fingers. At every stoplight, Jane asked how Tori was doing; at every light, the answer was that she was still asleep.

"Hold on, let me get the camera," Jane said when she parked the car at home. Maura unbuckled the infant seat and gently lifted the baby out, holding her close while Jane opened the car door for her.

"I have to document this," said Jane, snapping pictures with one hand while helping Maura out of the car. "Tori's first time coming into her house! Outside of you, anyway."

"She's sleeping through it," Maura pointed out.

"I don't care. We're going to remember this moment even if she has no idea what's going on."

Jane unlocked the front door and then snapped more pictures of Maura carrying the baby into the house. Then she helped them both out of their coats, and Maura sank down onto the couch. "So what do we do now?" she asked.

"We chill," said Jane. "We're on maternity leave. There's nothing for us to do but just hang out and…be a family."

Maura smiled. "That sounds nice."

"It's the best thing there is. I'm gonna start by making lunch for us mommies."

Maura watched Jane move around the kitchen, happily making two sandwiches. She had to admire the unbridled excitement Jane felt about motherhood. Maura was excited too, of course, but she was also exhausted and sore, in addition to fighting the horrible fear that she wouldn't know what to do with her own child now that she was home with her.

It was pretty straightforward at first, though. She ate her sandwich while Victoria napped in her arms, then, realizing it had been two hours since she'd last nursed, she woke the baby and offered her breast again (like all newborn babies, she had lost weight in the past few days, and the doctor said she should eat every two hours, even if they had to wake her up, until she was back up to her birth weight). Jane quickly fetched the Boppy pillow and put it under Maura's arm.

"Okay, I get it now," she said. "This is gonna be pretty useful, actually."

"I told you it would be," said Maura.

Jane watched her proudly. "I wanna take a picture of this, but I feel like I shouldn't take pictures of your boob."

"I wouldn't mind as long as you were careful who you showed it to, but I don't feel very photogenic right now."

"Well, I know you've been through a harrowing experience, but you look great." She bent down to kiss Maura. "Seriously, I know you feel kinda sore and crappy, but you're still as beautiful as ever."

"I'm glad you think so," said Maura tiredly.

Jane watched fondly as Maura continued nursing the baby. When she was finished, Jane held out her hands. "Let me see her," she said. "You need to go take a nap."

"What? No I don't," said Maura, handing the baby over.

"Yeah you do. You can barely hold your eyes open. Go on, it'll be nice to sleep in your own bed again."

"But—"

"No buts. I've got the baby, you have two hours until she needs to eat again, so _go_. I'll bring her up when it's time."

A bit of rest _did_ sound nice. Maura gave Victoria a kiss and slowly made her way upstairs.

Her bed looked different, as it always did after a few days away. She knew it was really her that was different, though. Last time she'd slept in this bed, Victoria had been curled inside her. Now, for the first time in months, she slipped under the covers entirely alone. _I'll never be able to sleep without her and Jane here_ , was her last thought before she was out cold.

~R&I~

Maura woke with a start, her heart pounding. She had the terrible feeling that something was missing. She looked around the empty bedroom, and the dream she'd been having came rushing back: she'd been sleeping here, in this very bed, with Victoria asleep in her cradle, when Joe Harris came strolling in.

 _"My dear daughter," he'd said, lifting Victoria from her cradle while Maura watched, paralyzed. His voice alone gave her goosebumps. "Well done, Dr. Isles. I'll take her now."_

 _"No!" Maura had screamed. "She's not yours! She's mine!"_

But she still couldn't move, and he'd walked casually out of the room, still holding her baby.

Panicked, she got out of bed and went downstairs, needing to see Victoria and reassure herself that everything was all right. From the doorway into the living room, she saw Jane on the couch, holding the baby, who was now swaddled and wide awake. She was talking animatedly to the wide-eyed infant, who was looking up at her with her eyebrows raised so high, it made her forehead wrinkle.

"When your cousin T.J. was born, I was surprised how much I loved him, right away," Jane was saying. "I didn't even know whether he was my nephew or my brother! I just knew I loved him. But I love you even more, sweet girl, because I know who you are. You're my precious little daughter, and you are absolutely perfect, just like your mommy. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're not!" She kissed the baby on the forehead. "You and me and your mommy are going to have so much fun together. I know all you care about is the boob juice right now, but when you get a little bigger, you'll start to notice other things too, and there's so much we can all do together. There's a lot I haven't had much time to do because I've been working so much, but not anymore. This is my job now. You and Mommy are all I care about."

"Jane," said Maura softly, her hand on her chest.

Jane's head snapped up. "Hey, gorgeous. I was just gonna come wake you in a few minutes. How are you feeling?"

"A little less exhausted." She sat down on the couch and reached for her baby, still needing to feel her in her arms. Jane handed her over and Maura held her close, pressing her lips to her soft head, her wispy blonde hair. This was her baby, hers and Jane's, and no one could take her away.

Victoria, realizing she was close to her food source, started rooting. Maura unbuttoned her shirt and let her latch on. "I feel like this is all I do anymore," she said with a smile.

"You do it so well," said Jane, grinning back.

"It hurts, though. Hopefully that will get better with time. I think my real milk is starting to come in, instead of the colostrum."

"It'll get easier. So you slept well?" Jane asked.

"Well, I did sleep. I had a nightmare, though."

"What was it about?"

Maura hesitated. "You said I shouldn't mention him in front of her."

Jane looked deflated. "It was about him?"

Maura nodded. "He came to get her. He said he was going to take her, because she was his." Tears filled her eyes, and she held Victoria closer.

"Oh, honey." Jane touched Maura's hair. "I wish I could erase him from your memory. He doesn't belong there. He…he didn't even have the right to _look_ at you."

"I'm just glad you killed him," said Maura quietly. "He can haunt my nightmares, but he can't really try to take our baby away."

"I'd never let him. But I'm glad the fucker's dead. _He_ should be glad too, because if he'd still been alive when I found out what he did to you…"

"I'm sure you would have made him sorry."

Jane sighed. "I could never do enough, though. I can't make him suffer the way you suffered."

"You did better than that. You helped me heal."

Jane smiled. "All I did was love you."

"Which was exactly what I needed." Victoria was starting to doze off in the middle of her meal, so Maura switched her to the other breast to get her to wake up. "You did a lovely job swaddling her."

"Well, I did practice in that childcare class we went to."

"You did great. She looks very comfortable."

"She's such a good baby," said Jane fondly. "She hardly fusses at all."

"My mom says I hardly ever cried when I was a baby."

"Mine says I cried nonstop when I was a baby. She couldn't get me to stop. I cried all the time until I learned how to crawl, and then I got quiet because I was getting into trouble."

Maura laughed. "That sounds like you. She could turn into the sort of baby who cries a lot, though. In our childcare class, they said that crying usually peaks around six weeks."

"How long do you think we'll be saying 'the childcare class said we have to do this' or 'the childcare class said this was normal' while taking care of her?"

"At least six weeks." Maura chuckled. "Having a baby is a bit like flying a plane on your own when all you've done is read a manual. All you can do is hope the manual covered everything, because the results will be disastrous if you make a mistake."

"Yeah. At least when you're learning how to drive, you have someone who knows what they're doing in the passenger seat until you get the hang of it."

"Exactly. I felt so confident that my book knowledge was enough that night we took care of T.J., but this feels so much more…important. She's really ours."

"I know. But we're doing okay so far."

"We are." Maura smiled. "It feels like when I first started my job as Chief Medical Examiner. I was the youngest person ever appointed to that position, and it was my dream job. I was thrilled! But my first week, I felt like I was drowning. It was so much responsibility, and I found myself in charge of people who were far more experienced than I was. I began to wonder if I really was ready for the job. But over time I started to feel more comfortable, more in control, and things began to get easier. By the time I'd been there a month, I was quite enjoying my job, and I knew I was good at it."

"Great. So by the time she's a month old, we'll be pros at this parenting thing."

"I really think we will." Maura smiled at Jane. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." Jane kissed her. "I don't know what you did to me. Used to be, all I wanted was to be a cop and see the Sox win the Series. Now all I want is you and her."

"I'm not surprised."

"Oh really? Tell me, Great Oracle, how did you know this would happen, when I never saw it coming?"

"You're the sort of person who gives all of yourself to whatever you're committed to. When you threw yourself into work, you couldn't picture yourself with a family, because there wasn't enough of you left for a family. But now that you've found yourself with a family after all, you feel that you have to give all of yourself to us."

"Are you saying I don't?"

Maura thought about it. "No. I think some people can divide themselves, but it's not who you are. You're a very passionate person. It's all or nothing for you. And, I want you to be who you are."

Jane nodded. "I think you're right. But I still don't know how you managed to worm your way into my heart when I had _not_ made room for you."

"You don't seem to mind."

Jane shook her head. "Nah. I don't mind."

~R&I~

As promised, Angela came over that evening to bring dinner for the couple and admire her grandchild a bit more. She even cleaned up after dinner, giving Jane and Maura time to take much-needed showers. Maura's stomach unknotted a bit more as she was reminded that they weren't on a solo flight, after all.

That night, they put Victoria to bed in her cradle for the first time. Maura got into bed as well, to snatch what sleep she could in between feedings, but instead of lying on her left side to face Jane like usual, she curled onto her right side so she could keep an eye on Victoria. Jane didn't seem to mind; she just curled her body around Maura's, spooning her. Maura felt safe and protected, and she could see the tiny form of her baby between the slats of the cradle.

"Hey," said Jane. "We both kissed the baby goodnight, but we forgot to kiss each other."

"Oh. Sorry." Maura turned her head and kissed her wife.

"It's okay, I just don't want us to forget about each other." Jane kissed her again. "I love you, beautiful lady."

"I love you too."

Jane settled down to sleep, her warmth surrounding Maura. The blonde looked again at her baby, listening for the quiet sound of her breathing, and a feeling of peace came over her. Of course she needed time to adjust, but she could do this. She and Jane had everything under control.

 **Author's note: My new book, "Beloved Wife," which is adapted from my fanfic "Beyond the Shadows," is now available on Kindle and in paperback! Go to my profile for the link if you're interested!**


	20. Epilogue

Epilogue

Tori asked a lot of questions.

She wasn't quite three, but she chattered nonstop, wanting to know the answer to everything. Most of her questions started with the word 'why.' Some of them were easy to answer:

"Mama, why do you call me Gummy Bear?"

"Because the first time I saw you inside your Mommy's tummy, you were tiny like a gummy bear, and you had little arm and leg buds. Just like a gummy bear."

"Does the baby in your tummy look like a gummy bear?"

"Just a couple months ago she did, but now she has real arms and legs, so she looks more like a real baby. Only tinier."

Some questions, Jane had to think about.

"Why is a baby in your tummy?"

"Me and Mommy wanted to have another baby, so we could have two."

"How'd it get in there?"

Jane paused. "Well, Mommy planted it in there." She knew they'd been growing plants in nursery school, so she thought this answer might make sense to Tori. And Maura _had_ been the one to inseminate Jane; she seemed to take a certain pride in having impregnated her wife herself. Jane was just happy to cut down on how much time strangers spent poking around her vagina.

Tori stared at her, mouth hanging open. "With seeds?"

Jane nodded slowly. Technically, that was true. "Yes. She planted seeds in my tummy, and now a baby is growing."

The following day, Tori's teacher informed Jane that Tori had been telling her friends that you could grow a baby from seeds. "I don't know where she gets these things from," Jane laughed.

There were some questions Jane couldn't answer at all.

"The tees are losing their hair!" Tori shouted in horror one day as they walked through the park. Fall had just arrived, and most of the leaves hadn't even turned yet, but they'd come across a few trees that were shedding quite a few leaves already.

"It's okay, they'll grow new leaves in the spring," Jane promised. "They just have to lose their leaves in fall every year."

"Why?"

"Because it gets cold and the leaves fall off when it's cold."

"Why?"

"Um…" Jane knew there had to be a good reason. She'd probably learned the reason back in school, which she was not much bigger than Tori. But she was damned if she could remember what it was. "I think that's a question for Mommy." That was her go-to answer for any question she didn't know the answer to, especially if it had to do with science.

Some of her questions just made Jane laugh.

"A FIRE FUCK!" Tori would yell with glee whenever she heard sirens on their street, running to the window. "Where's the fire fuck going?"

Actually anything Tori said about fire trucks made Jane laugh. She hadn't mastered the "tr" blend yet, and while she normally just skipped the "r" in words that had the blend, somehow with the phrase "fire truck," she ended up stuttering and turning it into another "f." She absolutely loved fire trucks, so she jabbered about them all the time, even if her language wasn't exactly G-rated. She had no idea why her Mama snickered every time she mentioned her favorite emergency vehicle, and she seemed to take Jane's mirth as a sign that she shared her love of "fire fucks."

"I found Tori the perfect birthday present," Jane said one day as she got home from the toy store after dropping Tori off at nursery school.

"What is it?" Maura asked, looking up from the computer, where she was busy writing her third mystery novel.

Jane rolled out her purchase: a highly-detailed pedal fire truck. "I got her a fire fuck! Her very own fire fuck that she can pedal all around the neighborhood!"

"Jane," said Maura sternly, although she was smiling. "You can't call it that in front of her. She'll never learn to say it right."

"I won't, but don't you think she'll love it?"

"Of course she will. All the kids from her class are coming to her party though…"

"Oh, they've heard her say 'fire fuck' before. They have toy fire fucks in the classroom."

"I suppose you're right," Maura said, unable to suppress a giggle. "Make sure you find a good hiding place for it."

One day, Tori asked a remarkably easy question.

"Why are you and Mommy getting married? You're already married."

Jane smiled. "Because I love your mommy so much, I want to marry her twice."

The two of them were sitting across from each other at a table in a Beacon Hill café. Maura was at home writing like a fiend, and Jane had walked the few blocks to Tori's nursery school on her own to pick her up, bringing her into the café on the way back to give Maura a little more time to get some work done. Tori had a half-eaten pumpkin cookie on a plate in front of her, and next to it was a foamy hot chocolate in a kiddie cup. The little girl had a mustache from the foam, but didn't appear to have noticed. Next to her on the seat were her little backpack with a puffy cat head on it and a lunchbox shaped like a hedgehog. She spent just over three hours each morning at the nursery school, learning ABCs and finger painting alongside other kids her age, while her mommies got to enjoy a little alone time. Then she was home for the afternoon, full of stories about the things she'd done, and questions. Always more questions. The more she learned, the more things there were for her to wonder about. Her curiosity was insatiable.

Jane enjoyed every second of raising this child. She was the very picture of Maura: same blonde hair, same hazel eyes, even the same dazzling smile. There was just one major difference: Tori's hair was curly, like Jane's. This had come as a bit of a surprise. When they had encountered Joe Harris, he hardly had any hair at all, and they'd never really thought about what it might have looked like when he did have it. Instead, they liked to imagine she'd inherited the curls from Jane.

"Of course, our real wedding was the one we had in our house," Jane explained.

"Was I there?" Tori asked.

"Yeah, you were there, in Mommy's tummy. We could feel you kicking."

"Is the new baby kicking in your tummy?"

"She is, but her feet are so tiny, I can barely even feel it. But when she's a little bigger she'll kick and we can all feel it."

"Where will the baby sleep when she comes out?"

"In your old cradle, in our bedroom. When she gets bigger she'll move to your room."

"In my bed?"

"No, in a crib. We're thinking of getting you bunkbeds later, but not for a few more years."

Tori pondered the situation. "Can the baby come to the wedding?"

"She will, inside my belly, just like you were at the first one in your Mommy's belly."

The event they had coming up wasn't exactly a wedding; it was more of a really, really big party for their third wedding anniversary. They had reserved the outdoor space at a hotel on the Boston Harbor, and they were going to have a short ceremony on the waterfront to renew their vows, followed by dinner and dancing inside the large pavilion on the hotel grounds. They would have all the food and decorations and guests they would have had the first time around if they'd had more time to plan it. The following day, they would leave for their belated weeklong honeymoon in France, while Angela came to stay with Tori. Jane was a little worried about leaving Tori, but she knew Angela would spoil the kid to death while they were gone, and they could still Skype every day. She knew, however, that as much as she would enjoy her time alone with Maura, she would enjoy coming home to Tori even more.

They had both left their jobs after Tori was born. Maura had published her first book when Tori was a baby, and it had been quite successful, so her publisher had offered to put out the whole series as she wrote it. She'd been releasing a new book every year since then, often tossing ideas around with Jane during the planning stages. She'd gone on a few short book-signing tours, bringing Jane and Tori with her. As for Jane, she was just enjoying a quieter life for now, devoting herself to her little family and enjoying not having to look over her shoulder so much anymore. Sometimes she missed police work, but Maura was right that it was always all or nothing for her. Maura was able to balance her career as a writer perfectly with her family life, doing an outstanding job with both. But for Jane, her wife and daughter took up all the space in her mind, and there wasn't room for anything else that had the potential to consume her, as her job once had. Sometimes she told Tori watered-down stories about her exciting days as a cop ("Was I there?" Tori always asked, still grappling with the concept of a world that had turned even before her birth), but she was happy to leave it in the past. As for the future, anything was possible, but right now she was happier than she ever could have imagined.

"You ready to go home and see Mommy?" Jane asked when the little girl had finished her cookie and hot chocolate.

"Uh huh," said Tori, sliding out of the booth. "I'm going to show her my picture." Her latest art creation was rolled up inside her backpack. Jane and Maura both thought she had a gift for art, but it was possible that they were biased.

They made their way towards home strolling at a nice, leisurely pace, Tori wearing her kitty cat backpack while Jane carried the hedgehog lunchbox. Tori trotted in front of Jane, pausing to look at this and that and chattering endlessly about everything. This was why Jane loved spending time with the toddler: she made her look at the world with fresh eyes again, helping her see the wonder in everything.

When they heard sirens approaching, Jane tensed a little out of habit, but Tori completely lit up. "Mama, listen!" she said, and then it turned the corner: a big, shiny red truck, lights flashing, sirens blaring. Tori exploded with joy. "A FIRE FUCK!" she shouted gleefully, jumping up and down with joy. "Mama, it's a fire fuck!"

"I see," said Jane, lifting the child into her arms as the fire truck passed close by in the narrow street.

Just then, a second fire truck turned the corner. Tori gasped in delight. "Another fire fuck!" she yelled.

"I know, how many is that?" said Jane, unable to wipe the grin off her face.

"Two!" No sooner had the word left her mouth than a third fire truck came along.

"How many now?" Jane asked her.

Tori counted on her little fingers. "One, two, free. Free fire fucks!"

"That's right!" said Jane, ignoring the people who looked around in surprise at the small, innocent-looking girl who kept dropping f-bombs. She kissed her daughter's forehead. "I really love you."

"I love you too, Mama," Tori said with a sweet smile.

Jane couldn't help noting the direction of the fire trucks and breathing a sigh of relief when they turned in the opposite direction of her home. A part of her couldn't help thinking of the night her apartment burned down every time she saw them, the horrible empty feeling she'd had when she realized everything she owned was gone and that she had no home. But thanks to Tori, her first thought now was always of the unbridled glee her daughter expressed every time she saw her the shiny red trucks. For her, the trucks were less a sign that someone was in trouble and more a sign that someone was getting help. That little girl was healing her, without even knowing she was doing it.

When they got home, Tori went running into the living room. "Mommy!" she cried. "I saw free fire fucks outside!"

"Three fire trucks?" said Maura, getting up from her desk. "I bet you were excited!"

"Uh huh!" Tori ran to her mother, who scooped her up and gave her a kiss. No matter how absorbed she was in her writing, Maura was always willing to drop everything and turn her attention to her daughter.

"How was nursery school?" Maura asked.

"Good. I made you a picture!" Tori wriggled down and opened up her backpack, extracting the rolled-up picture. "I made ladybugs with my fingerprints."

Maura examined the paper, which was covered in little red fingerprints with black dots and antennae drawn on them. "This is adorable," she said. "Shall we put it in a frame?"

"Mm-hmm," Tori said happily, walking towards the wall, on which hung several frames that were designed to hold children's artwork.

"Okay, which one are you ready to take down?" asked Maura.

"Hmm." Tori examined her pictures very carefully, tapping her chin with her finger. "I think the dinosaur."

"Okay." Maura swung open the frame that held a green tempera-paint dinosaur and replaced it with the fingerprint ladybugs. The dinosaur, Jane knew, would be transferred to Tori's art scrapbook. Maura didn't throw away anything this kid did.

Tori, satisfied that her artwork was being properly appreciated, trotted off to dig around in her living room toybox until she found three different "fire fucks," which she began pushing around the floor, one behind the other, making siren noises.

"I can't believe there was ever a time I was considering not having her," Maura said softly. "I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant."

Jane squeezed her hand. "You didn't know it was her."

"I'm glad it was."

"Me too." Jane patted her belly. At four months she was just starting to really show, but her belly was still a long way from being big enough to be a nuisance. "I hope I can love this one as much as I love her. It's hard to imagine loving anyone else that much."

"You will. You just don't know this one yet, and you do know her. When you get to know this one, you'll love her just as much. We both will."

"But Tori's just so amazing, you know? And I knew she would be, because she came from you. Can I really produce a kid that's that amazing?"

"I am quite certain you can." Maura smiled at her. "I bet there was a time when you couldn't imagine loving anyone else as much as you love me, but you do."

Jane kissed her. "I never even expected to love _you_ this much!"

~R&I~

While Jane was waiting for Maura and Tori to get ready on the evening of their third anniversary, she found herself in front of the fireplace, looking at the pictures that had pride of place on the mantle. Her two favorites were actually taken right here, in front of this very fireplace. One was from their real wedding, three years earlier. Maura was boasting an enormous pregnant belly and they were both beaming, thrilled to have finally made their love official. Jane's other favorite was from Tori's baby blessing ceremony. They had decided to do it right in their living room, since they were only inviting their closest family and friends, and since they had already established that this was where the most important events in their lives should happen. Jane and Maura were dressed up, proudly holding their daughter between them, who was wearing her exquisite silk and lace christening gown and matching bonnet. She even had a little gold heart-shaped necklace on, along with the ID bracelet Constance had given her. It had meant a lot to both of them to have a ceremony in which they got to formally present their daughter to world, to tell her how much they loved her, to promise they would always be there for her, and to show their loved ones how very proud they were of their precious baby girl. _You are protected, connected, loved_ , the officiant had said to Tori during the little ceremony, and it was the truth.

Jane was wearing a form-fitting gown Maura had picked that showed off her small bump. It wasn't designed to be a maternity dress, but last-minute alterations had accommodated her growing belly. She knew Maura had also gotten a new dress, her dream wedding dress, but she hadn't let Jane see it yet. It must be good, Jane thought, if Maura wanted to keep it as a surprise. Tori would be flower girl, the only other person in the ceremony, since they were trying to keep it low-key. It was a vow renewal, not a full wedding, but it would have the elements they had wanted for their wedding that hadn't been possible the first time around.

When Jane heard Maura coming down the stairs, she hurried to get a glimpse of her. What she saw took her breath away. Maura was wearing a full, beautiful silk gown that trailed behind her. She smiled proudly at Jane when she saw her looking.

Jane felt a lump in her throat. "You look incredible," she said softly.

"Do you like my dress?" asked Tori, prancing down the stairs in a long blue dress with puffed sleeves.

"I do," said Jane, squatting down to pick her up (the doctor had said she could lift Tori during her pregnancy only if she was careful not to strain her back). "I think I must be the luckiest person in the whole world to have you two beauties in my life." She smiled at Maura over Tori's head.

~R&I~

The vow renewal ceremony took place right in front of the water, the familiar Boston skyline in the background. There were wooden folding chairs set up, in which sat all of the people they would have invited the first time if they'd had a larger wedding: relatives; former coworkers; people Maura knew from BCU, Hope's clinic (where she sometimes volunteered), and her charity work; Jane's old school friends. Their close family and friends sat in front, where a white arbor was set up for Jane and Maura to stand under, fresh flowers woven into the trellis. Jane and Maura would be walking out together, since they were already married, and Tori would go in front of them with her flower petals.

"Are you ready?" Maura asked the little girl, kneeling in front of her to make sure her little flower crown was sitting neatly on her curls.

"Mm-hm," said Tori confidently.

"Okay. Remember what we practiced. Sprinkle just a few petals at the time, keep walking until you get to the arbor, and wait there for us. We'll be right behind you."

"Okay." Tori stood at the ready, and when their hired string quartet began to play, she walked proudly down the aisle between seats, tossing out fistfuls of petals. "I got flowers!" she announced when she realized everyone was looking at her. "Do you want one?" she asked a random person, handing him a petal.

The crowd tittered, and, noting the reaction, Tori decided to ham things up even more.

"I gots lots of flowers," she said, running down the aisle and handing petals to random people. "My mommies are getting married again," she earnestly informed a BCU professor, as if he might not realize that was the reason they were all there. She finally made it to the arbor, where she paused to wait next to the officiant, the same woman who had performed her baby blessing ceremony two and a half years earlier. Jane and Maura, who were laughing pretty hard by now, made their way down the aisle after her with arms linked.

This time when they took their vows, they just promised to continue doing what they were already doing. Jane couldn't envision a way to improve upon their marriage; it was already an extension of the beautiful friendship they'd had before. Maura was still her best friend, the center of her life. The difference was that she was her lover now as well, the woman she planned her future with. Their relationship was stronger and more perfect than ever. All they needed to do was continue as they were.

After the ceremony, everyone moved to the large pavilion, where they were served a big, fancy dinner. The pavilion had a fancy ceiling covered in some sort of gathered fabric, and it had been adorned with strings of clear lights, giving it a sort of magical look as the sun set. After dinner there was music and dancing, which Tori was really excited about. She owned the dance floor, spinning around in her long skirt and squealing with laughter. Jane danced with her for a few songs, letting the toddler stand on her feet, and she let Maura drag her out for a song as well (she couldn't very well deny her on their anniversary). Then she sat at a table and just watched her daughter jump around while sipping her sparkling grape juice.

"You couldn't drink champagne at our first wedding, and now I can't drink it," Jane remarked when Maura sat down next to her with a flute of champagne.

"Well, it wouldn't be a proper wedding unless one of us was pregnant," Maura smiled.

"This is just how we do it," Jane agreed, patting her belly. "This is about how pregnant you were when we first entered couplehood. Remember that night when you gave the scientific explanation for your pregnant horniness and asked if I could help you with it?"

Maura laughed. "I remember. And you did help, beautifully."

"No one in their right mind would ever complain about 'helping' a sexy woman with her horniness."

"No, they wouldn't," Maura agreed. "I'm glad our honeymoon will take place while your sex drive is high."

"Me too." Jane chuckled to herself as Tori fell down in mid-spin and got back up, laughing. "How much champagne has _she_ had?"

"None, I promise!"

"She's just a happy kid," Jane conceded. "Can you believe there were people who thought she shouldn't be born?"

Maura smiled grimly. "I've heard of rape cases where they couldn't convict because the victim was pregnant and the jury didn't believe she'd have the baby if she were actually raped. And in most states, the father can sue for custody if he hasn't been convicted of raping the mother, even if she says he did."

"So jury won't convict him because she decided to keep the baby, and now he gets to raise the kid because he wasn't convicted. I'm glad I killed the bastard who hurt you."

"Me too." Maura took another sip of champagne. "I completely understand anyone who chooses not to have a baby in those circumstances, of course."

"So do I. But there's not one choice that's right for everyone, and people need to figure that out."

Maura smiled. "I definitely made the choice that was right for me."

"For both of us," agreed Jane, looking at their daughter.

Maura's rape wasn't something they discussed at length much anymore, but they could mention it in passing, as they had just now, without it being a big deal. It was just part of the story of their lives now, like every other traumatic event they'd been through over the years. There were times when something might trigger a vivid, upsetting flashback, but it just wasn't part of their daily lives anymore. They almost never thought about Tori's violent conception while interacting with her. She was just theirs, their wonderful daughter they would do anything for.

A year ago, the city of Boston had torn down the vacant hospital Joe Harris had held Maura captive in. Maura had asked Jane to come with her to watch the demolition, wanting to see the place where she'd experienced such agony destroyed once and for all. Jane wanted to see it too. It still pained her to think of Maura in that filthy room, worst of all being chained to that disgusting bed, and that monster putting his hands on her. The monster was dead; it felt good to know the building would be gone now as well. She'd held Maura's shaking hand as each wall came down, and when the building finally collapsed, Maura began to sob from some combination of relief and the awful memories that had been stirred up. Jane had taken the blonde in her arms, holding her close as she realized tears were streaming down her face as well. She would never, ever be okay with what happened to Maura.

But at least she didn't have to worry so much about something like that happening again. Jane didn't chase bad guys, Maura didn't autopsy murder victims, and no one had tried to hurt either of them since they stopped. Life was peaceful now. Maura wrote her books, Tori went to nursery school, and Jane had joined a few recreational sports leagues, but mostly her life centered around her two (soon to be three) girls. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined giving up her career to be a wife and mother, but then again, she'd never imagined marrying someone like Maura.

Jane came out of her reverie as Tori came over to them and climbed up on Maura's lap, resting her head on her mother's chest. Maura put her arms around the little girl and kissed the top of her head. Jane couldn't help smiling to herself; Maura made such a sweet mother.

"Are you tired, sweet girl?" Maura murmured.

"No," Tori insisted, rubbing her eye in a way that made it clear that she was, in fact, completely worn out.

"We'll go home soon," Maura promised, stroking her daughter's hair. "The day after tomorrow is when your Mama and I are leaving for France, but we'll be home tomorrow to spend time with you."

"And Grandma will be there?"

"Yes, she'll stay with you while we're gone. And we'll talk to you through the computer every day."

"And while we're there, we'll find a toy store and buy you some presents," Jane promised.

"A fire fuck?" Tori asked, her hazel eyes starting to close.

"Absolutely. A French fire fuck."

"Jane!" Maura whispered in admonishment.

"Sorry, it just popped out," said Jane. "It's such a perfect alliteration. Besides, she's already asleep."

And she was, out cold in the safety of her mother's arms. "We'd better get her home to bed," said Maura quietly.

"Yeah. I'll tell Ma we're leaving."

After Jane had gone around and thanked everyone who helped pull their vow renewal/anniversary celebration together, she rejoined Maura, who carried the sleeping child to their car. Jane helped fasten her into her car seat and got behind the wheel.

"You ready for our next adventure?" Jane asked Maura as they pulled away from the hotel.

"The south of France with my beautiful pregnant wife?" Maura smiled. "Yes, I'm ready. We're going to have such a lovely time."

"We always do." Jane braked at a red light, glancing in the mirror at Tori asleep in the backseat. "Do you realize that since she was born, no one has pointed a gun at either of us or otherwise threatened our lives? No one's tried to kidnap us, no one has hit us, no one has tried to set fire to our house or run us over with their car. We've just been like regular people, just living our lives and doing what we want."

"Other people take that for granted, don't they?"

"Not us."

"Never." She grinned at Jane. "She changed everything for us. But I still think every day with you is an adventure, like it always has been, except they're not dangerous adventures anymore. Just the fun kind. The kind I'm happy for my daughter to be a part of."

Jane turned onto the interstate, which would take them to the other side of the harbor, towards Beacon Hill; home. "It's the best kind of adventure there is."

 **Author's note: Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this story, please consider reading my novel of the same name, which was adapted from the plot of this fic! The link is in my profile!**


End file.
